Growing Apart From Friends?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2005
Growing Apart From Friends?
5
Sun, 10-14-2007 - 7:09pm

Hey everyone, I'm new to this board, but not to iVillage and I have a situation on my hands that maybe some of you have dealt with...

I'm 25 and I'm in a relationship. I have a job that I really dislike currently (which could be a large source of my problems). I am an auditor and I travel a lot for my job. Sometimes I like it, but most of the time I don't, I just find it all boring and the travel has completely lost its luster for me. So, that's a little background.

Now, for the issue at hand, my friends. I guess I don't have a ton of close friends outside of my SO. My bf and I have been together for over a year now. I don't really see my friends any less now than I did before we got together, but lately I just feel like I can't even talk to them at all. My closest friend was my roommate for 2 years in college. We graduated together, but then she went on to grad school and I started working. She has just accepted her first real job about a month ago (I've been working over 3 years). Basically, I think we're growing apart...

The general gist of things is that my friend is always in a dysfunctional relationship in one way or another. I'm more experienced than her when it comes to dating and relationships and she is always asking for my advice. Or, it seems that way, at least. Also, she's currently living with our other college roommate who is currently going through a really tough break up with her fiancee who she dated for 6 years.

All we ever talk about anymore is her or our other friend's relationship problems. I'm always willing to listen and I'll give advice when it seems appropriate, but my advice is NEVER followed. Honestly, I'm just sick to death of talking about it. I almost feel guilty that I am in a good relationship when I'm talking to her lately and I really don't say much about my relationship unless asked directly. I don't know what I should do. A large part of me feels like I just need to find some new friends, but then I don't know how to go about that, so I just keep chugging along. I am just so frustrated. Yes, I'm in a great relationship and I'm generally happy with my life, but my life isn't perfect. I'm tired of it always being about her. I'm tired of giving advice I that's completely ignored.

Another frustration is with our jobs. My job has good benefits, but as I said, I'm not happy with it. My friend, however, has this extremely annoying habit of complaining when she has to work on a Friday (which she only has to do if another day in that week is a holiday). Am I supposed to feel bad for her? Seriously? I just don't get it and I don't want to hear about it anymore.

Argh, I think writing this post I am realizing that my friends and I are all just on different pages and I feel like our relationships are completely superficial anyway. I don't know if there's hope that someday she'll "catch up" to me or if our friendship is worth fighting for. Has anyone been in this situation before? I don't know what I should do, but I'm open for any suggestions you have! Thanks in advance!

-Nikki

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2001
Sun, 10-14-2007 - 7:28pm

I think since you are feeling so much aggravation with this friend, maybe just give it some space.

Soliel
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2007
Mon, 10-15-2007 - 10:14am

I can completely relate to "outgrowing" friendships (but in different ways than what you are talking about).

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Mon, 10-15-2007 - 10:33am

What do you want/need to talk about that you aren't getting to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2005
Mon, 10-15-2007 - 11:48am

Thanks everyone for your advice and support.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2005
Mon, 10-15-2007 - 8:31pm

It is difficult when you realize that a friendship just isn't working.