Guys and phone numbers

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Guys and phone numbers
19
Mon, 06-18-2007 - 10:55am
Ok, so I went out to a local bar this weekend with one of my good friends. Within about 15 minutes of our getting there, we had two guys approach us and sit at our table. They both seemed like nice guys and the one I spent most of the night talking to was a lot of fun to talk to, well-travelled, intelligent, etc, etc. So come the end of the night, they both let us go without even ASKING for our numbers. Now I don't really care because it was a two-hour conversation, not a two-year relationship, but I also hear guys complain that women let them buy them drinks (which they did for us) when they're really not interested. I WAS interested. I know I could have asked, and it could have just been that he didn't know how to bring it up either or just didn't WANT it, but my friends and I have this happen to us on a semi-regular basis. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind just meeting people and having fun conversations...I don't know, I guess I'm just curious to know if this is more common then I think it is.

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Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 06-18-2007 - 10:59am

My first thought is that the guys were attached- maybe married- and were just looking to see if they still had "it".

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Mon, 06-18-2007 - 11:31am
Yeah, they were supposedly single. The one talking to my friend had mentioned getting her number but never actually did (I don't think she was that interested) and they invited us to hang out with them again when they had a party at their places (they apparently live in a complex with an outdoor pool)....then never got our numbers!! If talking to a guy all night isn't a sign of interest, I don't know WHAT is!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
Mon, 06-18-2007 - 11:49am

Yep, my first thought also, married or attached. I just read the 3rd response. Even two married guys playing an ego game would have had to have number in hand to "win" . . .humm. How much drinking was involved? Could they have "forgotten? (-: Either that or they only planed on "that" night in the end, and when it did not happen they went home.

From what you describe, well I would have left with the number. Something is unseen, and I have a feeling things are as they should be, just say next . . do not let it bother you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Mon, 06-18-2007 - 12:08pm
Oh no, it doesn't bother me, I was interested but not THAT interested and I don't take personal offense....I just think it's strange. If a guy's a jackass enough to have a girlfriend or wife and want the ego boost, wouldn't he STILL go for the phone number?? And then just not call back? I don't think these guys were married, that's for sure, and I guessed they weren't involved, but who knows. Like I said, I just hear guys bitch about women letting them buy drinks without being interested, then we ARE interested and we don't get numbers. It's a catch 22.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 06-18-2007 - 12:36pm

Did you get the feeling that they wanted to take someone home with them?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Mon, 06-18-2007 - 1:23pm
Nah, I didn't get that impression. They actually invited us to come see their place (they jokingly called it Melrose Place East because of the pool, their balconies, etc.) afterward, so we took a walk that way because it was literally right down the street from my apartment, and it really wasn't uncomfortable at all, no one made anything that even resembled a move on either of us. On the contrary, I got the impression that they actually were nice guys. What I wonder is if they're as anxious about it as I can be...maybe BECAUSE some women do all that and accept drinks and STILL aren't interested (which, in my opinion, is rude and a waste of time).
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Mon, 06-18-2007 - 2:08pm

My thought was they were looking to hook up and maybe figured out real fast that you weren't the type of girls that were going to go home with them. Since they really weren't looking to date you or take you out why ask for your number.

That is my thought.

I've often been at bars where I've been hanging with a group of guys and people can tell whether or not you are going to go home and get naked with them, if they weren't getting that vibe and that's the vibe they were on the hunt for, why ask for a number.

Or maybe they were a couple. LOL

Smile,

Deirdre

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
Mon, 06-18-2007 - 2:08pm

Well one more possibility . . .not uncommon in this town . ."they" might have been attached. lol Some role play before "they" went home for the night "together"? Hehehehee

Still leaning on they had a reason to "close" the deal that night, passing through town, something.

Like I say, I would have been the type to ask. I spend time with people who's company I enjoy. (-: I dont have a good answer for this one. (-:

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2007
Mon, 06-18-2007 - 3:55pm

The first 60 seconds is to watch for. If they were tense during that time, quite likely they were single. If not, could be anything. A single guy or woman approaching or being approached by a member of the opposite sex will normally tense up a little (unless the approacher or the 'approachee' is decidedly less attractive , uninhibited by alcohol or both). But self consciousness, the main reason why people get tense, quickly dissipates (how fast depending on how attractive the other person is) after the first couple of minutes as they start 'getting comfortable'. Pay attention to the first minute, especially the first 30 sec.




Edited 6/18/2007 3:58 pm ET by fruitedplain
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Mon, 06-18-2007 - 4:07pm
Well, like I said before, I'm not offended or insulted, just curious because I think it's a weird phenomenon. Like I said before, I'd think even if a guy were NOT single and had the audacity to approach a woman, it makes sense to me that he'd still try to get a number. He doesn't have to CALL it. This isn't a one-time deal either. Another guy I met while out with a group of friends was very nice, friendly, appeared to be interested, etc, etc, and wouldn't let me get away without a hug at the end of the night and still, no number. I wouldn't have been surprised if he weren't single because he didn't do the approaching and never really "pursued" anyone per se...yet another guy that approached me in a bar...his friends kept telling me how nice he was, we talked for a good deal of the night and he wasn't going to ask me for my number either, his friends made him go back over to me again. Is it me?? :) Am I sending out some scary vibe? I KNOW that guy was interested and definitely not attached....maybe just not enough at the end of the night, I dunno....I mean, this doesn't happen EVERY time, just enough to make me wonder.

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