Guys and phone numbers
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Guys and phone numbers
| Mon, 06-18-2007 - 10:55am |
Ok, so I went out to a local bar this weekend with one of my good friends. Within about 15 minutes of our getting there, we had two guys approach us and sit at our table. They both seemed like nice guys and the one I spent most of the night talking to was a lot of fun to talk to, well-travelled, intelligent, etc, etc. So come the end of the night, they both let us go without even ASKING for our numbers. Now I don't really care because it was a two-hour conversation, not a two-year relationship, but I also hear guys complain that women let them buy them drinks (which they did for us) when they're really not interested. I WAS interested. I know I could have asked, and it could have just been that he didn't know how to bring it up either or just didn't WANT it, but my friends and I have this happen to us on a semi-regular basis. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind just meeting people and having fun conversations...I don't know, I guess I'm just curious to know if this is more common then I think it is.

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>If talking to a guy all night isn't a sign of interest, I don't know WHAT is!
Means NOTHING.
Sustained banter or smalltalk means he is hoping to try his luck to see if he can 'carry on the conversation' elsewhere after closing time. And if he keeps buying you drinks or at least offers to, he is definitely seeking an ROI. Inviting to show you his apartment that very evening or soon thereafter is an unabashed invitation to have sex with him. That's the cynical view, and more often that not, the case with the typical bar guy. I know it because my friend from college wrote the encyclopedia on picking up chicks from bars.
Bars are deceptive places. They give the impression that because they are full of groups of loud, single and attractive people chatting away without inhibition, they must be the ideal place to meet singles. NOT.
The best and strongest relationships are formed by people who find strong common grounds such as dedication to a cause, hobby or other interests. They don't have to LOOK for love interests. They find them just by doing what they love to do. People who care about nothing except work, tv and finding the next boy/girlfriend, jump from relationship to relationship hoping the next one fares better and it never does.
Edited 6/18/2007 5:06 pm ET by fruitedplain
Ha. No, I know. :) But number exchanges are quite common, no? They are for me, too, sometimes, just not all the time, and it tends to be the creepy, sketchy ones that DO ask for my number. Go figure.
I know that a bar is definitely not the best place to meet someone for a relationship, but I'm not necessarily looking for one. I'm looking to date, have fun, and if I meet someone for the long term, great. I've found that here and there in the bars, too. I don't think it's fair to say that EVERY guy in a bar is looking for some play. I'm sure many are, you're right.
As for these specific guys, I kid you not when I say that the guy never really even laid a hand on me the entire night, save for maybe a graze of the small of my back or something. I'd sooner think he was attached or seeing someone else than that he was trying to get me in the sack. If he were, he was doing an AWFULLY bad job. :) Not that I would have slept with him anyway, I wouldn't have...just saying.
Wow I go through the same exact things. Iv'e met a couple of guys at bars who conversate with me all nite, seem interested get my # but never call. They are sooooo weird!!! Its very confusing because im a cute girl, and they should be calling.
The reality of it is that they are immature guys. I go through the same thing is it me? or something, why didnt they call? yet, the weird guys that im not into have no problem asking for my number. lol. But us Girls have to be strong and say no its not us, we just come across the wrong guys. Once we meet a mature man that isn't into baby games will be in control of himself and have the will to speak to a girl and ask her number and plan a date. He needs to see your value of worth. I am single myself and it's hard out there. I think as we get older we KNOW what we want in a guy, that is what makes it harder!! But all these experiences will make us smarter..
Hear from u soon!!
Take Care
A possibility that was running through my mind is that they were either too lazy to ask for phone numbers, or too chicken.
See, that's what I was thinking. And although some women need "He's Just Not That Into You" for a slap in the face, much of that book annoys the hell out of me. I don't expect a guy to fall all over me after meeting me once.
Anyway, in this case one of the other guys asked us to come to a cookout/party type of thing at their pool the next day. He was the only of the three guys that neither of us were interested in and, go figure, was the one who kept asking us to come back. I think the guys we were interested in saw it on our faces because the one I'd been talking to sai d something to the effect of, "I think that's a no," after he'd asked for about the fifth time. We were both just annoyed by him (and rightfully so, trust me on this one), but I think we may have given the wrong signal to the whole group.
I suspect the shy/fear of rejection thing is more prevalent than many think...maybe it also has something to do with a little lower self-esteem and/or confidence...don't know, just thought it was an odd phenomenon.
Your brother sounds like he has the online dating mentality- so many women, so little time.
Well, I don't usually ask for numbers or say something about exchanging them, but I COULD if I really wanted to....and if I REALLY liked the guy, I probably would, regardless of what I'm "supposed" to do. So in a way, I often feel like I'm doing the "oh well" thing, too.
It's also an awkward thing to ask for at the end of a night, out of the noise and bustle of the bar (either because it's closing time or, as in this case, we walked with them toward my apartment) in front of everyone else we'd been hanging out with...that's when I find that guys that seem interested don't ask for my number. What if I shot them down in front of their buddies? Guys should learn to do that while they're still in the bar!! :) If I've accepted more than one drink from a guy, I'll give him my number. If I'm not interested, he'll know it, but unfortunately that doesn't seem to be the case with some more nervy women...
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