Guys my age dating younger women

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Registered: 02-01-2007
Guys my age dating younger women
78
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 12:17am

I was talking to a friend of mine who is 24. I am 32, but she just started dating a guy who is 31. She went out, her and her friend (25) and meet up with this guy's other friend (32). Now her friend has a date with the friend. This all happened after a weekend that we hung out and I told her how hard it was to go out and meet decent guys my age and how I was wondering where they were hiding. I was a bit shocked (and yes, maybe a bit angry) becuase I felt this was just the type of situation I am running into constantly. I am starting to feel like I am over the hill at 32. My younger friends seem to have no trouble and I look just as young as they do. My problem is a) being at the right place at the right time, b) maybe I need to lie about my age??

It's just frustrating how these guys in my age group are so hard to find, but for some of my (younger) friends they are falling out of the sky. I hate feeling this way because I know showing any kind of negativity is picked up by others, but it just seems so unfair. The worst part is I don't remember ever having an easy time meeting men (any age). My last relationships have been with younger men and it would be nice to date some guys closer to my age, but they seem to be dating 20-somethings. Is this a phase? It's just hard for me. Advice? Anyone has a similar situation? How do you handle being happy for others when things don't seem to be working out for you?

At 32 I am looking for guys who are the same age or older, but there is ussually a lot of baggage. Divorce, kids, commitment issues, mid-life crisis, etc. I just want to find a guy who is in the same place in life I am. Not still in college, not embroiled in child custody disputes, etc.

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Registered: 06-22-2007
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 12:47am

Good question.






Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 1:33am

When I got divorced at the ripe old age of 46 I thought the next woman I would have a relationship with would be a woman younger than me. I thought that because at that time my non-custodial children were 8 and 12 and most women in the same life situation were ten years younger than me. Now I'm turning 54 next month and I still think that way for most women my age group are retired, have children out of the house and they want to travel or do fun things. I'm still working and still seeing my children (now 14 and 18) as much as they let me. I'm focused on saving for my retirement and my children's college tuition.

What I want in a partner is that she takes care of herself physically (exercise, diet, spiritually, personal awareness and growth) and that our lifestyles mesh (usually women not my age).

So I invite you to look at lifestyle and core values compatibility rather than age similarity. Thinking that way may open up a bunch of other possibilities for you.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 9:20am
It seems to be a common thing I am finding it very difficult to date at this age. I am 34. Men my age are dating women in their 20's and older men (in their 40's) want to date me which wouldn't be bad but a lot of them have children 2 and 3 kids and don't want any more and I want children. So it is a very difficult age I am finding.

Smile,

Deirdre

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 10:48am

Yep, I have the same experience.

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Registered: 10-16-2006
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 11:55am
The fact is by this age (31 and 32) of which you speak usually guys have some sort of issue or baggage as referred to in other posts. Younger girls will put up with it more readily because they haven't had to deal with it yet. Those girls will get their first taste of baby mama drama and will never touch a dude with kids again (I'm 29 been down that dark twisty road and will never go back). Its not that there aren't any nice single guys in their 30's but by now they usually have a past that women in their 30's aren't willing to deal with (eg. baby mama drama, crazy exs, not over the exs, financial strains, drug use, permenant playboy, etc). I'm not in my 30's but pretty close too it and realize that I don't have a whole lot of chance of getting in with anyone before all of the baggage becomes too big to handle. And not to say that I dont' have my own baggage. I'm so not over my ex right now and by the time I am I'll be well into my 30's and the black hole of dating.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 11:55am

>>At 32 I am looking for guys who are the same age or older, but there is ussually a lot of baggage. Divorce, kids, commitment issues, mid-life crisis, etc.<<

I think you might have just answered your own question with this statement. I think the 30+ guys out at the clubs looking for 20-somethings are the ones who are not looking for something serious, but perhaps just a little fun. Could be the result of a bitter divorce (they don't want to get tied down again), commitment issues, mid-life crisis (they also are feeling old and snagging a 24-year-old makes them feel younger?).

I am also 32 and occasionally feel like the world decided the cutoff for beauty and attraction was 29, but most of the time I feel like I have just raised my standards and don't want just *some* guy to date - I want a great guy. The 24-year-olds can have the boozehounds at the bar - I'm over that crowd anyway. :) The guy I'm looking for probably spends Saturday night reading at the corner coffee shop or bookstore.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2007
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 12:10pm
Life ends at 30 , you know that right ? Well in case you didn't, just a gentle reminder. From 30 on its a downhill slope all the way. It's a good time to start worrying about healthcare benefits, prescription medication, arthritis drugs, social security, medicare, retirement accounts etc. The smart ones even buy their burial plots well in advance.


Edited 6/27/2007 12:11 pm ET by fruitedplain
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 12:13pm
Well, coming from a 20-something woman, most guys our age are, well, idiots (I said most! not all) or just aren't the least bit interested in a relationship, so by the time they catch up in maturity level, it creates a bit of an age difference. However, I usually find myself dating guys in their mid to late 20's, so maybe I'm still too young yet.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 12:17pm

I'm guessing you're being sarcastic because, well, it just sounds it. But just out curiosity (and only because you talk about it so much! :) ), how old may I ask are you? Again, just curious.

Oooh, and fun fact about me (and always a popular topic of conversation when meeting people), I work in a historical cemetery (in development and fundraising, as I've already mentioned....nothing weird!). Speaking of burial plots. :) Just trying to get my foot in the non-profit door...I want to get into event planning eventually.




Edited 6/27/2007 12:19 pm ET by cml7721
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2006
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 12:18pm
Hey gal_ziggy, I have to say I agree with you. I am 28 and dating a 38 year old (when we met I did not know his age, bc he looks so much younger). Anway, before him, I dated many men from 3 years younger than me to 2 years older and none of them were able to commit. It always ended up that they weren't ready for a relationship yet, had other interests to pursue first and couldn't do both at the same time, still wanted to go out drinking at bars every weekend, etc. This is the first relationship where I feel at the same maturity level as the man I'm dating. This does not go for all 20 somethings guys, but just saying...!!
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