Guys my age dating younger women
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| Wed, 06-27-2007 - 12:17am |
I was talking to a friend of mine who is 24. I am 32, but she just started dating a guy who is 31. She went out, her and her friend (25) and meet up with this guy's other friend (32). Now her friend has a date with the friend. This all happened after a weekend that we hung out and I told her how hard it was to go out and meet decent guys my age and how I was wondering where they were hiding. I was a bit shocked (and yes, maybe a bit angry) becuase I felt this was just the type of situation I am running into constantly. I am starting to feel like I am over the hill at 32. My younger friends seem to have no trouble and I look just as young as they do. My problem is a) being at the right place at the right time, b) maybe I need to lie about my age??
It's just frustrating how these guys in my age group are so hard to find, but for some of my (younger) friends they are falling out of the sky. I hate feeling this way because I know showing any kind of negativity is picked up by others, but it just seems so unfair. The worst part is I don't remember ever having an easy time meeting men (any age). My last relationships have been with younger men and it would be nice to date some guys closer to my age, but they seem to be dating 20-somethings. Is this a phase? It's just hard for me. Advice? Anyone has a similar situation? How do you handle being happy for others when things don't seem to be working out for you?
At 32 I am looking for guys who are the same age or older, but there is ussually a lot of baggage. Divorce, kids, commitment issues, mid-life crisis, etc. I just want to find a guy who is in the same place in life I am. Not still in college, not embroiled in child custody disputes, etc.

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I never said I wanted to settle down, in fact I've said much to the contrary a great many times. But it's also frustrating when guys your own age are only looking to fool around (again, many, not all) and now you're saying 20-somethings are fun for older men to fool around with. I'm not silly enough to think I'm unbelievable mature at 22, but I'd also like to be taken seriously once in a while. I don't want to settle down, but it'd be nice to have decent dates or see the same person for more than a month.
I think you missed the point to my post...I knew you were referring to the 30-something women. I was just making the point that statistically there are just more women than men looking for relationships at any given moment, so naturally some men are going to go for younger women (because the younger men often aren't!). I still stand by the maturity level aspect, as well...isn't it a well-known fact that women often date older (even by only a few years) men? Of course it's not a hard and fast rule, but the vast majority of guys I know (many of whom are in their early 30's) are dating younger women and vice versa.
Edited 6/29/2007 12:22 am ET by cml7721
Sad to say but join the boat. I've been going through the same thing and I used to think probably being back on the dating scene was getting to me a little bit and I was lacking too. Truth is, Men our age seem to want younger and younger women. The younger men on the other hand are not all into women older than them. Are things ever going to change, I don't know but we got to keep looking.
'..The men I see who are single in their 30s are looking for perfection'
I do not mean you personally, but in many many cases so do the women. Come on people, let's get real here. Here is the picture that I'm getting, having been on various village boards for about 4 years now: he has to have not just a job, but a carrier, and be focused on futher professional achievements and advancement. He has to be witty, intelligent and educated to degree level. He has to have his own house, and not just live in rented accommodation or, God forbid, with flatmates/parents. He has to have a new good car. He cannot have children or difficult ex-wives or history of depression. He cannot drink more than maybe a glass of wine every 2-3 months. God forbid that he drinks a whiskey or two in a bar or two once or twice a week. God forbid that he is a smoker, of legal or illegal tobaco. Last but not least, he can't have any 'mental baggage' AND be tall and attractive.
Can we say UN RE A LIS TIC?
Even if there was a miracle that I have described above, the miracle would NOT be single at the age of 30+. That just isn't feasible, and in 99 cases out of 100 will not happen. And if this fairy tale price did for some inexplicable reason find himself single, he would be perfectly justified to be looking for a stunning size 0 6 ft 25 y old with the IQ of 600.
>>Also and I don’t mean to sound rude, I am not just going to set my friends up with people I don’t know anything about and have never met. I hope my post didn’t in any way convey that I was willing to do that<<
Relax. I wasn't actually asking you to set me up. I was being facetious.
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Can we say UN RE A LIS TIC?
Even if there was a miracle that I have described above, the miracle would NOT be single at the age of 30+. That just isn't feasible, and in 99 cases out of 100 will not happen. And if this fairy tale price did for some inexplicable reason find himself single, he would be perfectly justified to be looking for a stunning size 0 6 ft 25 y old with the IQ of 600.>>
I have to disagree. I don’t think that’s asking for perfection at all. Just because women after 30 find themselves single, doesn’t mean they should settle for the first guy that comes along. Goodness, a lot of the criterias you have listed are pretty important to me. Yes, I am not single, but I was once upon a time, and should I find myself single again after I turn 30, I will not compromise on any of these criterias. I would never date a smoker, someone still lives at home, and/or drinks heavily. Yes, he must have a job and career, not necessarily a new car, but not a beat up either, no kids, ex-wives, or history of depression, and last but not least, tall, attractive and athletic. I have all these to offer myself, why should I settle for anything less? Do I live in a dreamland? Nope, not at all. I live in Washington DC where I meet one of these guys just about everytime I go somewhere.
I mean, I really think it all depends on where a person lives. If you live in a big city, lots of guys you meet in their early 30’s meet these criterias. Why? Because they spent their 20’s better themselves, go to grad schools, establish their career, dating and having fun. Their career requires them to live in a large city, because that’s where all the financial centers and law firms are. Now that they are in their early 30’s, they finally have all their ducks in the row and they are ready to commit to the right girl and settle down. They are out there!!! You are not going to be able to meet them in Louisville, Kentucky, not that I have anything against Louisville, Kentucky.
Ugh, I am tired of repeating myself over here. If you really want to have this pessimistic attitude and believe that if you are over 30 and single, all the good ones are taken, and the good ones left are looking for supermodels, and you have no choice but to settle, then I feel sorry for you.
Oh no, anything but single here. I have been with my (gorgeous and wonderful) boyfriend who treats me like I'm THE Queen of all Queens for coming up to 3.5 years now. He is NOT the 'miracle' man as per my post and you wouldn't touch him with a barge pole - or at least that's the impression I'm getting from your posts - but he is absolutely perfect for me, in every way. He hasn't got a college degree, neither do I, my job's just a 9 to 5 to pay the bills, and we share a two bedroom rented flat - it's just us, no flatmates, going up in the world lol! I'm a heavy smoker - he isn't, but is the most tolerant non-smoker I've ever met. We go to local pubs quite a lot, to drink and socialise, and love to have boozy dinners at home, alone or with friends. We don't have a car - you don't need one in London, UK - big big big big city! - where I live. We're not into fitness or carriers or accumulating 'funds'. We're into living in the moment, having fun, laughing and loving. I have not 'settled'. I have just found the person who is not perfect in any way shape or form but who is 100% perfect for me, which is my bottom line here - to you, the 'miracle' man was the least of your expectations and you found a man like that and bless you; to me, a lot less is waaaay enough - and I have not been happier in my entire 36 years.
All the best,
Happychick
Edited 6/29/2007 10:30 am ET by happychick1004
Edited 6/29/2007 10:31 am ET by happychick1004
I do agree that men tend to make better friends, I just don't meet a lot of them.
Of the few single friends I have, I know one who is looking for perfection.
""Can we say UN RE A LIS TIC?""
Good post, I could write one for the men as well. They are just as bad.
I'll still send ya a wee hug for this one however. (-:
Well, that certainly shows the gap between outer and inner perfection...as long as someone takes care of himself and I'M attracted to him...I really don't care otherwise. Good financial habits and a career (any career! as long as it's something to do and pereferably something he loves...I don't care if it makes him a lot of money) are just good sense.
It's frustrating to see men go after blatantly obvious shallow aspects. Everytime I go out with a friend of mine, she wears some variation on a revealing outfit (I'm not a prude and I'll show off a little, but not to THAT extent) and guess who gets most of the attention?? In the end though, like you say, those aren't the guys we want anyway.
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