Guys my age dating younger women

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2007
Guys my age dating younger women
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Wed, 06-27-2007 - 12:17am

I was talking to a friend of mine who is 24. I am 32, but she just started dating a guy who is 31. She went out, her and her friend (25) and meet up with this guy's other friend (32). Now her friend has a date with the friend. This all happened after a weekend that we hung out and I told her how hard it was to go out and meet decent guys my age and how I was wondering where they were hiding. I was a bit shocked (and yes, maybe a bit angry) becuase I felt this was just the type of situation I am running into constantly. I am starting to feel like I am over the hill at 32. My younger friends seem to have no trouble and I look just as young as they do. My problem is a) being at the right place at the right time, b) maybe I need to lie about my age??

It's just frustrating how these guys in my age group are so hard to find, but for some of my (younger) friends they are falling out of the sky. I hate feeling this way because I know showing any kind of negativity is picked up by others, but it just seems so unfair. The worst part is I don't remember ever having an easy time meeting men (any age). My last relationships have been with younger men and it would be nice to date some guys closer to my age, but they seem to be dating 20-somethings. Is this a phase? It's just hard for me. Advice? Anyone has a similar situation? How do you handle being happy for others when things don't seem to be working out for you?

At 32 I am looking for guys who are the same age or older, but there is ussually a lot of baggage. Divorce, kids, commitment issues, mid-life crisis, etc. I just want to find a guy who is in the same place in life I am. Not still in college, not embroiled in child custody disputes, etc.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2006
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 11:45am

Well, at the end of the day, of course, we have to find someone who is perfect for us, not by someone else’s definition. All I am saying is that if someone over 30 is looking for a mate who meets all these criterias, they shouldn’t be dismissed as being unrealistic. If they have the package to offer themselves, why settle for anything less? I would hardly label these men I know as “miracle men”. I don’t agree with the notion that it will have to be a miracle to find one of these men if god forbid they are over 30, because where I live, it’s not.

But you know what? I give up. I wish you all best of luck in finding what you are looking for through persevering.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 12:04pm


'.. I wish you all best of luck in finding what you are looking for through persevering'

Lol ain't looking no more man!! Bf is all I want. Let's agree to disagree. All the best to you and your man too.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 12:24pm

I was made pretty aware that this thread is clearly not for me, but I couldn't keep my mouth shut here...

You seem to be supposing that every single women on the board lives in the middle of nowhere and sits inside her house waiting for the perfect man to sweep her off her feet. Yes, I'm a 20-something (which seems to be the kiss of death in this thread), but I do know plenty of people who end up meeting someone and/or get married when they're in their 30's, it's not exactly abnormal anymore. And, I'm sorry, in my experience, and everyone I know's experience (and I was born and bred in the Boston area) it is NOT that easy to get a decent date JUST because you live in a big city. I live in Boston and sure, I meet people when I go out, but meeting random guys at bars hardly turns into something more meaningful. Besides, moving JUST to meet more men? Seems a tad pathetic to me. I agree with shywon, I would never leave somewhere I wanted to be just because I wasn't meeting men.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2006
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 12:32pm

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I agree with this. I don't have kids, but I love them and work in education. I have always wanted children of my own. I am 28 and as I said in another post my DF is 38. He has a daughter; this is my first time dating someone with children and I definitely did not take the idea lightly. As you mentioned, I weighed this carefully. We were friends for a year first, I'd met his daughter before. I make an effort to show my commitment to my relationship with her as well as with her father. The other thing is from the beginning of my relationship with DF we talked openly about our life goals: did he want to married again, have more children, etc. If not, I would not have gotten into a relationship.

Anyway, my point is, that while I don't have kids, I totally get what you're saying. When I was 23 or 24 I did not feel this way. I wanted to date, I wanted to have fun. I think we just need to know ourselves and make sure we sure on the things we can't compromise on and sure on the things we can. One thing I've realized is the more men I've dated, the more I've gotten to realize which things are the most important to me, and which are not really that important.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2006
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 12:37pm

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This makes sense to me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2006
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 1:05pm
I have one friend who has a criteria that the guy can be only 2 years older or 2 years younger, never married, no kids, must have at least as much education as her (she's in grad school now), his own apartment at least, and own vehicle, be the same religion (even though she does not attend church, I think this is more for her family than anything else) and of course be attractive, kind, witty and all that other stuff. I think maybe if she could bend on a couple of those she would find a man to make her happy.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2006
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 1:31pm

Ugh, I never said that being a 20 something is a kiss of death. Goodness, I feel like I am in a courtroom here having to cover all of my bases. Everything I have said is based on my own experience, what I see around me, and what I hear from guys I know and talk to. I don’t know every single guy on the planet, so what I experience and hear is not representative of the general population. Surely, there are plenty of 30 something guys who love to date and marry the 20 something girls. My guy friends happen to be those who are looking for more. They haven’t met any early to mid 20 year olds who can match them in maturity and intelligence, nor have they met anyone closer to their age who is single and carry no baggage.

I also never suggested meeting random guys at a bar. My friends and I socialize with each other at bars, but the meetings are never random. We all already know each other through friends, work and/or school. That’s why I suggested making new friends and meet people through friends. And what is so wrong with moving just to meet men if it’s important to you? It’s about making changes to things that are not working in one’s life.

I have never made finding a mate a priority, but I have made finding a good school to attend a priority. When I was looking for schools to attend, I couldn’t find one that met all my criterias where I lived at the time, so I moved. I knew what I was looking for, I didn’t feel like I could find it where I was, so I made a change and moved to where I could find what I was looking for. I believe the same approach can also apply here. If I were single and have made finding a mate a priority and am looking for one of these “miracle men” as happychick calls them, and can’t find them where I live, you bet I am going to move. I am a firm believer of going after what I want and make things happen, instead of waiting for them to happen.

But at the end of the day, I haven’t experienced what you all have, and lived your life. So maybe it’s better to take what I say with a grain of salt.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 1:48pm

>>Ugh, I never said that being a 20 something is a kiss of death. Goodness, I feel like I am in a courtroom here having to cover all of my bases.

I never SAID you said that. A - I was being sarcastic and B - just because I address something to you doesn't mean it ALL is directly about you.

In regards to meeting people in bars, that was from a different post in which you said you met at least one of the men you were referring to everywhere you went. I just assumed you meant bars, restaurants, or what have you, not the supermarket or the gas station.

Men come and go. No matter how permanent anyone thinks their relationship is, things happen, people break up. Education is something that lasts a lifetime, that people carry with them from place to place regardless of the circumstances.

I'm one of the biggest proponents of making things happen for myself and have no issues with moving for SOME things. But to move away from my family or friends or the city I grew up in or whatever....to leave my job...to meet someone when there truly are single men everywhere, it just may take longer to find them in some places than others...to me (and I always try to qualify that this is, obviously, all MY opinion, I hardly think I'm the authority on anything) seems not to make a whole lot of sense. Moving is a huge decision and a huge ordeal and is something I just could never take lightly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 1:49pm

Why

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2007
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 1:52pm

Thank you all for the great insight into this question. I have a date this weekend and I think he is around my age (although he hasn't asked and I have no real idea how old he is). I have been discouraged as of late about the dating situation, but realized I have to make sure I am out there and not acting needy or desperate. After all I have a lot to offer, why would I not be able to find someone?

As for meeting men through friends or meeting new people. That might be my biggest problem. This is a different board topic though. As soon as I hit 30 I decided to get rid of all my "emotional vampire" friends. The ones that want you to be as misserable as they are, drain the life out of you every time you speak to them, but you stay in the friendship because they have been your "friend" for so long. I had a friend who always had to be the center of attention and her comment about every guy I dated is that they might be gay (they weren't flirty with her).

Most of my real friends now are married and know no single people. My male friends have gotten themselves girlfriends and never take my calls anymore and my female friends know no other single men or women and are having more problems meeting people than I am. It's all very crazy.Even in a big city, you almost feel more isolated.

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