Guys my age dating younger women

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2007
Guys my age dating younger women
78
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 12:17am

I was talking to a friend of mine who is 24. I am 32, but she just started dating a guy who is 31. She went out, her and her friend (25) and meet up with this guy's other friend (32). Now her friend has a date with the friend. This all happened after a weekend that we hung out and I told her how hard it was to go out and meet decent guys my age and how I was wondering where they were hiding. I was a bit shocked (and yes, maybe a bit angry) becuase I felt this was just the type of situation I am running into constantly. I am starting to feel like I am over the hill at 32. My younger friends seem to have no trouble and I look just as young as they do. My problem is a) being at the right place at the right time, b) maybe I need to lie about my age??

It's just frustrating how these guys in my age group are so hard to find, but for some of my (younger) friends they are falling out of the sky. I hate feeling this way because I know showing any kind of negativity is picked up by others, but it just seems so unfair. The worst part is I don't remember ever having an easy time meeting men (any age). My last relationships have been with younger men and it would be nice to date some guys closer to my age, but they seem to be dating 20-somethings. Is this a phase? It's just hard for me. Advice? Anyone has a similar situation? How do you handle being happy for others when things don't seem to be working out for you?

At 32 I am looking for guys who are the same age or older, but there is ussually a lot of baggage. Divorce, kids, commitment issues, mid-life crisis, etc. I just want to find a guy who is in the same place in life I am. Not still in college, not embroiled in child custody disputes, etc.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2007
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 2:02pm

I agree with countrygrlupnorth. I have suffered from depression and anxiety for years and I went through years of inefficient treatment with doctors who just wanted to put me on meds, but never addresses the real reasons I was depressed. I can handle it now with no meds which makes me one of the lucky ones. I do think this has been one of the resons my love life has been so slow moving. I was not ready for a relationship for a long time and I was wise enough to know it.

The really scary ones are the ones who don't get treatment and want to think everything is ok. I have dated some crazy lunatics who were manic depressive, happy one moment, nasty the next. I also dated a guy who had OCD and another who suffered from anxiety. They were receving treatment and our relationship didn't work out for other reasons. I would never ask for something in a partner that I don't have myself. If I have depression I have gotten treatment. Meds or no meds, whatever works for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2007
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 2:25pm
OMG! That drives me crazy! ALL of my male friends say that to me! That and 'I wish I could meet a nice girl - like you.' after a fight with the 'evil' gf. It makes me want to throw things!

~Heather~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 3:09pm
Whenever I hear a guy referring to his wife or girlfriend as "evil" or "psycho," I just flat out ask, "Well, why are you with her, then?"

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 3:21pm

I think when people say that, they mean that the person is not depressing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 3:51pm
Nobody remotely said you were goofy airheads just that it's a lot harder to find someone in my age group when most of them are dating almost 10 years younger and the ones that are 10 years older that you come across a lot of them already have a few kids and don't want anymore, when you want kids like I do that limits your dating pool TREMENDOUSLY!

Smile,

Deirdre

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2006
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 4:02pm

Hey congratulations on your date!

And also, I just wanted to say in reference the part about the emotional vampire friends, I have SO been there too, and it feels great after doesn't it?!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2006
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 4:20pm
Good luck with your date! I truly believe and hope that you will find everything you have been looking for. Nobody deserves any less and don't let anybody tell you that you are being unrealistic just because you are in your 30's.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2007
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 4:20pm
As soon as you want kids and they hear you are over 30, it's too much pressure for most of the guys I meet. I know what you mean! It's really depressing. They are just never ready it seems. it's like some cruel joke. Never on the same page at the same time!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 4:59pm

""""I make an effort to show my commitment to my relationship with her as well as with her father. """"""

My situation was odd. I truly hated my wife by the second year. Survived 16 more to "raise my kids". Talk about untreated / un medicated issues. (-: But the kids were everything to me. Not sure it was suppose to work out that way. (-: I felt I "needed" to be there to protect them. I was pretty young, 26 then. I would do things differently if I could turn back the clock . .. but . .. if I could do that I also would be a rich man today. (-: The fact is I had a poor understanding of what I was facing, and back then you didn't just "Google" things. I had to learn this stuff from the school of hard knocks I am afraid. ((-:

Anyway, I think I know the answer .. but how do you really feel about his daughter? Is your "relationship and attachment" as natural with her as with him? (-: Sometimes it is just so easy. Just being nosey. lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2006
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 5:15pm
I don't know if I'd say easy, but it has been worth the challenege. We do have some issues bc her mom is not very happy about her dad being in a new relationship (new being three years, but who's counting :)). But that sort of thing is more an issue for my DF, than for I. Whenever DSD stays with us things run very smoothly. She feels comfortable asking me to play, assisting me with things or asking me help her with her homework (I used to be a tutor and work in the Education field). She has met my family and is comfortable with them, so that helps as well.
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