had an ego boost last night

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
had an ego boost last night
Sun, 07-20-2003 - 11:03pm
Okay, I was in a very long, committed relationship. We split up in January and it's been since December that I've had sex. There's been this guy that I see around a lot. He had told someone else that I was hot, but I've also seen him bring girls around. So last night we all went out. I was being as flirtatious and charming with him as I could and I felt like he didn't even notice me. Well a couple drinks later, some that he had bought me, things changed. He got very touchy and we danced together, and I'm not talking about slow dancing. (Okay, hold on, let me just note, he's not someone I want a serious relationship with, I just want to have some fun.) So we sat together for a little while, had some good conversation, I was so turned on by him and I know he wanted me. Okay, here comes the problem. He hangs with this girl (not a girlfriend), there moms know each other and there is this thing coming up that he is obligated to go to with her. He tells me, he has to be good for set number of days. He doesn't love her (I know this, his good male friends know this). I would look him in the eyes, and he told me he wants to but can't yet. So, all night we flirt, he makes comments, he sits on my lap and I on his lap. I wanted to kiss him, but didn't. The sexual tension was so high, I could have burst. I was very disappointed when the night was over. Okay, so here's a question. What do I do the next time I see him. Act like we used to (like nothing happened last night), or keep the flirting up until the time frame I mentioned is up? Also, I think it's more than just a drunk thing, but how do I know? I mean, I know he wanted more also, so do I assume he would in the future or no? Thank in advance for your responses.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-21-2003 - 9:51am
Most men I know who have intentions beyond sex for a lady will not pursue her if they are dating someone else and likely would not get that touchy feely as you described. I found your post inconsistent - doesn't bother me but you might want to think about it - on the one hand you just want to have some fun and on the other you want to know if he has intentions beyond drunken sex - a classic case - in the making - you will sleep with him when you're drunk - he won't call - and then all of a sudden he will be the jerk for not calling even though you chose to get drunk and just wanted to have some fun.

My guess is also that it won't feel like such an ego boost if it is a one night stand - to me an ego boost is when a man pursues me with honorable intentions - I am fairly confident I could go to any bar or club in my area and find some guy - even a cute one - who would be willing to play touchy feely with me -

Figure out what you want before you take any further steps, and be brutally honest with yourself before getting naked.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2003
Mon, 07-21-2003 - 11:03am
I agree w/Deena. Your own intentions are suspect: do you want hot, blind sex, or a relationship w/this man?

Once you answer that for yourself, you'll know how to handle him. Myself, I'd be pleasant and act like I always do w/him--but that's assuming I'm not hot for him to start w/.

If a man is interested, he'll act on it; generally, men are NOT shy and they'll go after what they want. That's why you shouldn't sweat this either; it sounds like he likes you OK. He's interested, but not ENOUGH to go after you.

So don't tie yourself into knots over it. Accept it as a compliment, but look elsewhere for romance; this one doesn't really know what he wants. And who needs that ambivalence from someone you want to LOVE you?

And as for your own desires--have you considered masturbation? Read Betty Dodson's book "Sex for One," then go out and buy the Hitachi Magic Wand. I've had mine since '94, and it got me through 6 1/2 yrs of celibacy very nicely; no muss, no fuss, no ugly breakups...And that'll tide you over til you find your next lover. There's a time and a place for "self sex," and it'll save you much potential heartache, when what you need is release and not an inappropriate lover...



Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 07-21-2003 - 1:36pm
How do you act the next time you see him?? However you want to act! Pretending to be someone you're not will only create "what ifs" in the future.

If you truly do want just sex from him, then your plan of flirting could work, but please don't expect him to call the next day- or ever again for that matter. Thinking about a future will only cause heartbreak.