Hanging on too long

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Hanging on too long
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 1:44am

"beating a dead horse"

"waiting til the cows to come home"

[Insert other archaic agricultural references to waiting and waiting...and waiting....]

Do you wait too long for a man to improve, to act as you'd wish, to fall in love, to behave more affectionately?


I read something last week that basically said, "If it isn't fun now, if you are suffering in the relationship now, but are planning on being happy "someday" (when he leaves her, when their kid goes to college, when he stops his addiction, when he realizes how much he loves you and stops cheating, whatever) this is a loud clear blaring warning signal that it's time to GET OUT...now."

What do you think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 10:01am

I can definitely say that I stayed too long w/ my 2nd DH--I'm sure the main reason was that we were married and I do take marriage seriously, didn't want to get divorce twice, was embarrassed, etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 11:07am

I am not sure how to answer this but for me it depends on the people and the level of committment.... I was married to my 1H for 6 years but he left me. I was married to my 2H for 9 years and he was exactly like Music's situation. He has mental disorder and yes I stuck it out for 9 years and then another two sep. due to finances.. So I think that is a pretty good run especially since it was a nightmare being

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2005
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 1:42pm

I used to be a woman who waited too long. Especially in the 8 year long R with my ex. Waiting too long is really what I consider the main mistake in that relationship. I was finding excuses as to why he wasn't emotionally available. The poor guy didn't have the visa, then had problems with his ex, blabla. It never got better, quiet the opposite because we were both grew resentful towards each other. I completely rearranged my life for him, learnt his language, went to live to his country.....And now I can't even

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 1:46pm

If I've been dating a guy for a handful of months, things aren't evolving naturally or there's a lot of tension, I can and will break it off in a heartbeat.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 6:18pm
I definitely stick it out too long. It's mostly because I don't want to burn any bridges that can't be rebuilt. But once I'm out, I'm out. No getting back together (tried it- never works), no post-relationship sex, no calls/emails/texts- nada.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 6:54pm

That's what I'm kinda thinking. Even if he shows up hat-in-hand in June, I think he's maneuvered himself out of the game with me.

And yeah, Anita, I AM looking at the compatibility in the external things instead of the throbbing passion, which I don't know if we'd have had or not once it came time for sex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 8:33pm
When I was younger, (before age 40), yes. Not any more. But, to be fair, it has been so long since I have really connected with or been attracted to anyone.