Hard to get?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Hard to get?
15
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 12:10pm
I have a question and I would love to hear everyone's opinion. I've heard from many people and read articles on how it is wise to play hard to get with a guy in the beginning of a relationship in order to keep his attention and desire of wanting to be with you. Do you think this is true? Do these types of games actually work? If so, what are some tips that have helped you out in playing "hard to get"?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2004
In reply to: ruby_13
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 12:18pm
I think its important to not be seen as someone who is desperate. Desperation can be communicated in so many ways. Like, calling a guy on Friday or Saturday night.
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
In reply to: ruby_13
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 12:30pm

Some men are able to pick up on this and find it quite annoying. I was once crazy about a guy and employed this approach. He called me out one evening and I was mortified.

If the object of your affection genuinely believes that you are a busy gal, it could work to your advantage especially, if he is a player but, who wants a player? I say, if you're a match, you're a match and there is no need for game playing ... everything should fall right into place.

My tried and true hardfast rule is, he should give me at least a three day notice before a weekend date. If he does not give me ample notice, I am "busy". I don't believe in chasing men but, if he's a gentlemen and persues you in a respectful manner, don't make yourself unavailable to him--that would be dating suicide.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: ruby_13
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 12:47pm

I think "playing" anything is disrespectful to the other person.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2004
In reply to: ruby_13
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 12:57pm

That is true.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
In reply to: ruby_13
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 2:41pm
So do you think it is wrong for a guy to call you on a Saturday night when you are about to walk out the door and ask you where you are going that night so he can meet you up?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
In reply to: ruby_13
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 2:49pm

Ruby,

>So do you think it is wrong for a guy to call you on a
>Saturday night when you are about to walk out the door
>and ask you where you are going that night so he can meet you up?

I don't think it's wrong but I wouldn't class it as a date. It sounds like a last minute nothing better to do call. IMO: It would be better if he called you during the week and asked you out on a proper date for Saturday night.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
In reply to: ruby_13
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 2:57pm
Yes I agree! I guess the best thing to do is not answer my phone and wait until the next day to return the call and just let him know I was busy with other plans. This little dilemma is basically why I decided to post that question. I feel like I need to start being a little more "unavailable" and it seems that there is a lot of advice out there that a woman should play hard to get in order to catch the guy's interest. I'm not into playing games but I do get fed up with people who do enjoy playing them on me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
In reply to: ruby_13
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 3:08pm

Ruby,

Here's my take on that whole thing: you should never play games. Some people get more quickly involved from the beginning and some do not. Not being yourself is not going to further the relationship no matter what. I tend to take awhile to get excited about a guy so the way that I behave is not hard to get per se, but I am an extremely busy woman with a very demanding career and a lot of travel. As a result, I am unlikely to have time for a date more than every couple of weeks. I also hate talking on the phone, so I don't call often. My relationships develop slowly because of this. If I get serious with a guy and am at the stage where A) I don't need time to date other people and B) am willing to do things like watch movies and just spend quiet time together, then I will see a man a lot more. But it takes me awhile to get to that stage.

Keep in mind that I am not playing games. My life is very busy and I am happy with that (most of the time) and the kind of men who get second dates are probably the same. If my life were less busy, I might think that this man was playing hard to get because I seemed to be more available than him. And I am sure that there have been men that I dated who thought that I was playing hard to get when, in fact, I couldn't care less to play games than I do. I am just very busy.

It's all about perception. But you should be true to yourself and what you need out of dating and relationships.

Jules

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
In reply to: ruby_13
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 5:39pm

Is it wrong? No. Would I take him up on the offer? No. If he really wants to see me, he is going to take the steps necessary in order to do so.

Everyone knows how to plan appropriately. It's the logical thing to do, especially, for a night deemed "date night". If he didn't plan ahead, just as Hal suggested, I would have to wonder what kind of plans fell through before he decided to call me.




Edited 6/15/2005 10:49 am ET ET by bbw_26
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2005
In reply to: ruby_13
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 5:57pm

I think it's not so much playing hard to get, it's not being *completely* available *every* time a guy wants to see you or talk on the phone.

I put my foot down when it comes to girls' night out, travel plans, if a girlfriend needs me, etc. And I'm *not* talking to any guy who calls me when I'm already in bed.

What I'm saying is, it's ridiculous game-playing to purposely not answer your phone when a guy calls. But, girls who have a balanced life *can't* always answer the phone, and that screams independence, and that's sexy.

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