Hard to stay away

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2003
Hard to stay away
6
Sun, 04-20-2003 - 11:07pm
Hi,

I need advice. I just ended my engagement about 2 months ago. I was with this guy for 10 years, and things just fell apart where I couldn't live with it anymore. I haven't been with anyone else ever. So here's the hard part.

I recently met someone who makes it plainly obvious that he is only interested in sex. I am most certainly not ready for that, however I am extremely attracted to him. My impression is that he's taking advantage of my recently single status through different comments he's made. Even through all of the that, I still like him. Here's the kicker. He got 2 women pregnant and has STD's. !Warning! Red flags are going up everywhere. I know I'm probably attracted to the way he makes me feel with all the compliments. I have not felt this way in so many years, I can't even remember. It would be extremely foolish of me to continue interacting with him. But I can't stop thinking about him... How do I stop??

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2003
In reply to: salsa03
Mon, 04-21-2003 - 11:25pm
Thanks for all the advice. Deep down I know what is the right thing to do. I'm not stupid, just vulnerable. When my head is screwed on straight, you tend to see things clearer. So here's another question for you...

I'm learing the latin style dances right now and go to the Latin clubs to practice with the other dancers. There's basically the same people all the time. So we are all getting to know each other. This guy is one of them. He will be there all the time. And for me, dancing is my life. It's what I've always dreamed of, and I have some opportunities opening up for me in the future with the style of dancing. This is something I don't want to give up.

On to my thoughts... I planned on basically being honest with him, in saying that 1. I've heard some things that would not be in my best interest to deal with, and 2. I do not want this type of relationship in my life.

I want to get my message across with out upsetting the situation. I'm not completely sure on how to do that. Any advice would be greatly appreciated once more!

Avatar for schnappsers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: salsa03
Mon, 04-21-2003 - 4:06pm
I'd have to agree with everyone else here. You need to get away from this guy. Either the STDs or the pregnancies would be enough to keep me away from him. He's got both strikes against him, so he's definitely not sounding like a great catch. It's always very flattering to get attention from an attractive guy, but it's also pretty satisfying to be able to reject those who think their looks will get them anyone they want.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
In reply to: salsa03
Mon, 04-21-2003 - 12:31pm
How do you stop thinking about him? You just do. Except for the fact that you're attracted to this new guy, you really haven't listed any other compelling reasons to be with him. In fact, what you've listed as his qualities are truly "red flags" in every sense of the phrase.

I've never been in relationship for as long as you were. Nor have I ever been engaged. However, I know the signs of a rebound when I see one. Put everything in perspective. You just broke up with your finace of 10 years 2 months ago. The attention you're getting from this new guy is probably exciting because its been so long since you've been free to explore attention from another guy. However, you need to let this one go and be confident in the fact that there will be plenty of other guys with more impressive qualities that will be falling all over you!

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: salsa03
Mon, 04-21-2003 - 8:30am
You stop in the same way you decide not to commit suicide when you're sad. That you are considering this makes me see many red flags.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
In reply to: salsa03
Mon, 04-21-2003 - 3:36am
I am currently in a similar situation, only difference is i don't know much about the guys sexual history.

I personally wouldn't want to go near the guy if i knew he had made pregnant two other woman and had STD's no matter how much i was attracted to him.

I have just learnt from from what you have said, to find out from this guy who is currently in my life about his sexual history before consider a sexual relationship only with him. Its in my best interest.

Keep us posted. I am curious to hear what choices you make.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2003
In reply to: salsa03
Sun, 04-20-2003 - 11:17pm
Girl, be careful! I'd probably feel the same way if I came out of a 10 year relationship. It would feel great to hear all those compliments and feel the way that he makes you feel. It certainly sounds like he has smooth talked his way with other women if has gotten 2 girls pregnant and has STDs! You said it, the red flags are up everywhere! To get over him, I just think you have to remind yourself that it would not be a good idea to be with him. You are attracted to him.... but doesn't that other stuff make him look less attractive?? It would to me. You are still pretty recently single, so maybe just give it some time and try to put your mind on something else- like going out with friends, or going to the gym or taking a vacation! Keep us posted. That's my two cents, R