Has Dating Changed?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2006
Has Dating Changed?
25
Wed, 06-14-2006 - 10:04am
I am curious to the ladies response. I was taught on a date, to open the doors for a lady, to pull out their chair, to treat them as you would like to be treated, and to respect your date or girlfriend. My goal is not to make out on the first date, but to get to know someone. I'm not lookinfg to get physical right away, if the date goes well, maybe a kiss on the cheek or a hug. I hear others talk about dates and it is different than what I do. Do ladies still like to have the door opened for them and to be treated repsectfully? I'm not saying the guy has to do everything, and I know women are equal, but do you enjoy it when guys do things like this and don't expect anything ?
Plus, what are your expectations on a date?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Wed, 06-14-2006 - 10:13am
I enjoy a man having gentleman qualities, i.e. opening doors, paying for the first dates etc. But I hate when men have to make me feel like a princess and they're taking care of me. I can take care of myself. But those men are rare. Most guys I have come into contact with and the reason I am still single, is the fact that they DON'T kow how to treat a woman right. They're either selfish or just clueless.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Wed, 06-14-2006 - 10:16am

I absolutely love it when a man acts as a gentleman as you described. I usually don't try to kiss or become physical on the first date but the last guy I went out with that acted like this, I went ahead and planted a big one on him just in appreciation.

Chivalry is not dead.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2006
Wed, 06-14-2006 - 10:29am

I very much appreciate chivalry. Just because there exists gender equality, doesn't mean men should treat women like we're one of the guys.

I think it's sweet when a guy opens the door for me, lets me order first, offers to pay on the first date, etc. But some things like pulling out the chair for me (though it depends on the venue) is a little much.

If the date went well and it is clear that there is an attraction between the two of us, I wouldn't object to a kiss on the lips. But I understand if some men don't want to come off too aggressive, so a kiss on the cheek or a hug is suitable as well.

However I think the manner in which you greet your date is equally important. I've been on dates where my date just stood in front of me and said "Hi". A little less worse than that would be a handshake. Perhaps I'm quite a sensual person, so I wouldn't mind a small hug or a light peck on the cheek (European style) as a greeting, plus it's a total ice breaker.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2005
Wed, 06-14-2006 - 11:18am

oh my gosh - ya know... I think chivalry is very much appreciated by alot of ladies these days - more than anything because we fear it is a lost art; so when we come across a guy who acts like a gentleman... wowza - how cool!

Course I have experience with this... I've been dating a guy for a LONG time and so there is very little blatant chivalry... it's been replaced with just basic respect. But during our last break some time ago, I went out on a date and the guy was headed to the door to open it for me and I basically just went infront of him and opened the door not thinking - not because I wouldn't have enjoyed having the door opened for me - I just wasn't use to it and didn't expect it AT ALL. So I kinda felt like an idiot - not allowing him to be a man and be the gentleman he had intended to be. There was another situation like that on the date but I forget the specifics...

anyway... I agree with Kcole - I like a man to make me feel like a lady - but I'm also VERY self sufficient and am "proud" of that - so he need not make me feel like I'm a dainty, can't put air in her own tires-type of girl! :p Course if he wants to offer to do it - that's nice. I guess it's a fine line.

But I think a very healthy amount of respect - like you express in your post - is like a breath of fresh air to some of us ladies! :)

So why is it you've not been snatched up yet? :p You seem like a dream! :)

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-14-2006 - 11:20am

So few men do this anymore, it seems, so it's always a treat when you go out with someone who acts like a gentleman! So yes, I very much appreciate and enjoy it!

If it's a first meet (I meet most of my date online), I prefer a hug rather than a kiss at the end of that, but if I've met the person before and we're vibing, then a kiss at the end is fine.

Sheri

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 06-14-2006 - 11:29am

I'm baffled at where men got the idea that women don't like chivalry.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Wed, 06-14-2006 - 11:55am

The responses to your question are likely to be as varied as the many women out there. It is impossible to lump all women together in what they like. You should just be yourself on a date - if that means playing the role of a courting gentleman, then that's what you do. If you are yourself and someone responds badly, the probably aren't a good match anyway. If they respond well, then the likelihood of a connection is better.

So don't do those things just because you feel like you are supposed to. Don't do them unless you really feel strongly that they are the right things to do. That way you are being true to yourself and will tend to attract women who are going to appreciate you for who you are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Wed, 06-14-2006 - 12:33pm

Shortly after responding to you, I saw this in the paper: http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/chi-0606140170jun14,1,278196.story?coll=chi-news-hed

You will note that the article discusses a recent resurgent interest in manners because of a fear of a decline in basic American values.

Personally, if a man does not open my door and pull out my chair, I am much less likely to see him again. But I can be very old fashioned when it comes to dating. The last few men that I dated knew to ask what I wanted after I had time to look at a menu because I wanted them to order for me. So - take it with the appropriate grain of salt.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2006
Wed, 06-14-2006 - 3:21pm
Thank you so much for the replies ladies. Feelingratherlost, I was engaged once, but that didn't workout, but thank you for your comments. I am finishing up school and working full-time, but I don't let that interfere with not having a relationship. I still have pllenty of time. It's hard meeting people these days, no one I work with is available,it seems eveytime I start to click with someone I go to school with, they always seem to have boyfriends or what not. I am suprised that some of you are not taken as well. It seems like the good ones are taken as well, at least you all give me some hope. Thanks again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Wed, 06-14-2006 - 3:26pm
I am confused by dating....I do not know what the word means.Is "dating"a polite way of saying you are having sex with someone?i never had a guy take me out to dinner and pay....i always had to chip in with my ex even if it was $20...i chipped in with movies too for most part....nothing wrong with that,but do men actually take a woman out?to me if a guy wants to "hang out"it means he wants to have sex with you,..going out is maybe to a bar...so i don`t know what dating is..I know bakc in the 50s the guy took a woman out..but that was then,this is 2006.I never understood the word dating...I (and my friends)just say people hooked up...but what i do know is no man takes a woman out to dinner and has no intention of getting laid..most of the time they will too....

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