Has Dating Changed?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2006
Has Dating Changed?
25
Wed, 06-14-2006 - 10:04am
I am curious to the ladies response. I was taught on a date, to open the doors for a lady, to pull out their chair, to treat them as you would like to be treated, and to respect your date or girlfriend. My goal is not to make out on the first date, but to get to know someone. I'm not lookinfg to get physical right away, if the date goes well, maybe a kiss on the cheek or a hug. I hear others talk about dates and it is different than what I do. Do ladies still like to have the door opened for them and to be treated repsectfully? I'm not saying the guy has to do everything, and I know women are equal, but do you enjoy it when guys do things like this and don't expect anything ?
Plus, what are your expectations on a date?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2006
Wed, 06-14-2006 - 3:31pm
Thanks for the article jules. I am myself on a date and I do not do those things for ladies just to score points, I would do it for anyone. I've never ordered for a lady though, I guess I would feel like I was trying to control her. But I guess as long as the guy asks what you want then there is definately nothing wrong with that. It is awesome that you are old school, that helps you stand out to what we call NORMAL today. I like a lady who stands out because she is different. I don't mean purple hair, but someone who doesn't try and win men with tactics, but who is honest, caring, affectionate and sweet.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Wed, 06-14-2006 - 3:33pm
my ex was very sweet at one time...he serended me(no i spelled that wrong sorry)he sang to a song on radio to me one time very romantic....held doors everything...held my hand everywhere,was a good friend at first,never pushed me for sex,great guy.Later on,something changed.His friend did not like us spending time together,he missed the boys nights out and got mad at my then boyfriend..so my sweet boy changed and took his buddy`s side.I might add we hung out 2 x a week maybe 10 hrs altogether with the work schedules we had.His friend was a alcoholkic,pothead,and hit his girlfriend...i did not like my guy hanging out with this...and suspected things were going on...bars and go go bars were more important ..his friend did not have a vehicle for a yr so my guy was his ride everywhere..he would tell me to call,then blow me off if i did call and hsi friend was around because his friend would get mad at him....then he would tell me he woudl call,thne wouldn`t..it was a miracle if he did call after awhile.he also got a temper with me one night and started punching hsi steering wheel.Just great.
needless to say,i don`t care how SWEET a guy is..it could be an act..alot of times the biker tattooed guys are actually alot nicer than the clean cut perfect acting ones
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2006
Wed, 06-14-2006 - 3:43pm
To me dating is like a trial period, you go out to eat and sit and talk. You try and find similar beliefs, morals and hobbies or whatever. You try and get to know one another. It has nothing to do with sex, or hooking up, I really don't care for that term anyway. If a guy wants to hang out, that shouldn't really have anything to do with sex either. Aguess after a period of dating, if two people come to an agreement that they want to be exclusive, then I call that having a boyfriend/girlfriend or courting and you don't see anyone else. But I don't see how people use the line this is 2006 and things have changed. You still treat people with respect regardless of what the date is. I always pay when I take someone out, I know some ladies will not let me pay, but I always try.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2006
Wed, 06-14-2006 - 4:03pm
Thanks CL214, it's good to hear women still appreciate that. I know you have had some heartache, but I believe your going to have what you seek.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Wed, 06-14-2006 - 4:28pm

Hello,

I'm old fashioned like Jules so I appreciate a gentleman. R is the only real "gentleman" I've dated, though the others really tried. The first time R ordered for me, I was taken aback but it was really nice (he doesnt do that all the time...usually at a more upper class joint). He always opens doors for me, holds my elbow when its icy/windy/stairs (really important since I'm so very ungraceful and unbalanced at times) and such.

I think dating attitudes have changed a lot. I think people are lazy, misguided and bitter. I also think people get into sex too early at times...its like that old saying Why buy the cow when you get it for free?? Sometimes I think we hold our time so precious to us that we dont make time for others, especially a potential dating partner...its as though they may "owe" us for their or our time. I hate that. I also think people can be unbalanced when it comes to relationships...its either all or nothing when it comes to balancing the importance of an SO with your own activities, work etc..and vice versa. We expect more than we give quite often I think.

Just my thoughts.

Ruby

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Wed, 06-14-2006 - 5:48pm

Dating is definitely not a polite way of saying 'having sex'. If you are only having sex, than that is simply hooking up. Dating is when you actually go out and spend time together, getting to know one another and just enjoying each other's company. This can involve sex but it doesn't have to. Men take women out. Women take men out. If a guy wants 'hang out', that shouldn't always mean have sex unless they have specifically expressed this to you. Otherwise hanging out should be doing something fun outside of sex. And yes, people do still go out. Not everyone is just hooking up.

Also, it is very possible for a man to take out a women withno intention of getting laid. These are the more sensitive, considerate guys, like twoscoops. I've gone out of dozens of dates where the guy didn't even make a move on me, but still had a good time. Dating should not be all about sex. Otherwise it isn't dating. See the distinction?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 8:55am

Thanks for appreciating my old school dating views - many men don't. It's funny because I am not that way in most areas of my life. I am very easygoing with friends and kind of a party girl who likes to have a good time. But when it comes to seriously dating and looking for men that I would want to have a serious relationship with, I really prefer for things to be pretty traditional. A man who dates me will order my food in a restaurant and treat me with great respect while in public but, in turn, he is the king in my home. My parents were nothing like this and nobody in my family is so I am not sure why I am. But it's just how I am comfortable.

I'll tell you something, though. It takes a pretty centered man who can appreciate both my success and strength as well as my traditional gender notions and vulnerability.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 8:57am
As usual, Ruby, I agree with you. Not to hijack this thread - but how's it going?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2005
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 9:57am
I'm curious... why is it you feel this way? I'm just wondering where your conviction to be chivalrous comes from? Do you feel it was your upbringing... is it something you've just learned... or did you decide once you reached the dating stage that's how you wanted to be... or is it just in recent years you took on that mode of conduct!? And if you don't mind me asking - or rather if you don't mind answering... where are you? Do you live in the midwest... or the south... I guess I figure either midwesterners or southerners would still apply this way of thinking more than those on either coast. I know I'm generalizing and I hate that but... tell me... will ya? :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 10:06am

Im doing well thank you. Busy with summer school, finding apartments, have bitter beer mouth this morning after having a few over my limit last night, and overall enjoying life. R just got himself a job so him being gainfully employed makes us both happy (though I really wish it was down here in Chicago so we could be together). Counting down to our next time together when his parents will be meeting my parents. eeek!

Thanks for asking. Glad to see you're back into a somewhat settled life and such after your travels. How's the knee going?

Ruby

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