Hate to give up but

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Hate to give up but
22
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 11:29am
I have officially accepted singlehood.
Tired of hoping. Tired of wishing and tired of people telling me there is a guy out there for me when in reality, there may not be. Honestly, I don't think there is really. From what I gather, men are already in relationships and committed ones at that. I've accepted that I'll never marry, have kids or fall in love for that matter.
We were all talking and someone asked who was the love of my life. As I look back, there really was no one. My last long term b/f was abusive and crazy and a cheat. Others were game players and didn't know what they wanted.
So to protect myself, I'm going to accept my fate as a single woman and not fight with it anymore.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2006
Fri, 09-01-2006 - 11:54am

Dear Liyahberry,

I would suggest, if I may, to give up the fantasy of defining yourself and your life through a man. But don't give up your dream (goal) of all of the wonderful things you envision for yourself. You can still be a Mother, you can still have a family, you can still have happiness and love in your life.
How do I know? I have been married twice (divorced both times) and have been a single mom for many years. I decided when I turned 50, to no longer define myself by someone else and decided to set goals and achieve what I wanted, for me.
I know it is a big shift in our thinking as women, but so far, it is working for me.
For what's it worth, I am still open to a new relationship with a man, but quite frankly, I have not met anyone secure enough or self-confident enough to understand that I value myself as a person, and my independence.
Sincerely,
cory38

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Fri, 09-01-2006 - 6:38pm
I agree with you on this cory38. It's so hard to change your thought patterns though when you've been disappointed so many times and have had so many heartbreaks. I can't speak for liyahbery on this but I've tried so hard and still trying to change my thought patterns. It's starting to work a little bit but I still have my down days where I don't believe love is possible for me since I've waited forever it seems. I'm trying to believe that I will find love and that I will become a mother one of these days and that it will happen soon. It's really tough to change that mentality but some days I'm pretty good at it. Others it's harder. I also try not to obsess about finding the one and I'm trying not to define myself through having a man around but that's also hard too. It's a process really and it takes all my mental energy sometimes to get through the negativity. I believe I'm a beautiful person inside and out but having a hard time believing that i have enough luck to run into the right one.

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