Have we forgotten to teach..........
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 11-25-2007 - 10:40am |
Our boys and men social skills?? This is obviously a rhetorical question because we have. I can't take one more date with a man who doesn't know how to hold a convo..........
So I ventured back into the world of OLD, to try and get my mind off of my "crush" and to pass the time........
You know the deal, plenty of emails, and then one bite. So I have a rule. Email 3 times before a call, he calls, we talk, he calls several more times, but I wasn't home at the time........
I call back, we set up a meeting. So of course he's 15 minutes late to the restaurant, which by that time I was sitting and had ordered a drink. He comes in sees me drinking and says, "Oh you drink, do you smoke too" I said, no and I don't really drink because I probably won't finish this, I just like fruity drinks.........
So, he talked some about the atmosphere of the restaurant, but he couldn't look directly at me, he kept whispering the whole time, the waitress was very friendly and he thought "she was into me" I asked if I looked like my picture and he hesitated. I said, "that picture was taken a few months ago and I am wearing my hair the same and the same glasses and the same color lipstick"........
Then he said, yeah, kinda, so of course I tried to engage him in conversation again, I said, "what's on your mind young man, talk to me" Nothing much to say, was his response........
Now because he was late and I had already begun to order, I asked the waitress for seperate tabs, I knew I would have more than him and

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I hear ya, honey.
Having done the OLD thing before (and I'm currently doing it), I have noticed the phenomenon of really liking their emails, but when you talk on the phone, it's not the same. Or, you like them in email and on the phone, but when you meet, it's like it's a whole other person. It's all so incredibly awkward, I'm rather selective about who I meet because it's so exhausting.
However, you're talking about something a little different in that the man has no social skills. I haven't experienced that so much, but I have a theory that many men doing OLD aren't very adept socially, that's why they're online. It sounds like he hasn't dated much either. You're awfully generous to agree to go out with him again.
It sort of reminds me of a man I met through the personals (yeah, you know when you actually wrote letters). I liked him well enough when we met even though he was more overweight than I prefer. We met at a Barnes and Noble. When I got home, my phone was wringing. It was him saying what a great time he had and that he was looking forward to seeing me. I encouraged him to call. Never heard from him again. Really, why bother to call and say you had a great time? It makes no sense to me. I did run into him several months later at a singles event and he IGNORED me. WTF? I wasn't mad that he hadn't called, but being ignored was really just too much.
I know I'm off-topic, but just wanted to validate how hard and awkward it is to meet this way.
Honestly, I have a three date rule. I give a guy three chances to make a connection with me. First dates are often very hard and many men just aren't good at it..........
I would never want someone to just write me off without at least giving it an honest try. If the guy wants to see me for a second, I allow it.........
That's why I always go dutch, that way he doesn't have to feel like he wasted his money on a "b" he didn't like, know what I mean.........
Oh and by no means do women corner the market on social skills either, but we are taught lessons in manners from the time we are little.........
Boys are allowed to be "boys" and then when they grow up and are still acting like boys, we wonder why........
Just puzzled as to why he couldn't look me in the eye or even hold a convo with me in person, but on the phone and in email he's all into me, I am saying if you had of been a bystander, you would have thought, "gee that guy doesn't like her, he keeps looking around"........
But then I come home and you call twice?? Okay, no probs. OLD, it's nothing if not entertaining!!
GT36
>>However, you're talking about something a little different in that the man has no social skills. I haven't experienced that so much, but I have a theory that many men doing OLD aren't very adept socially, that's why they're online.
I agree. I generally don't go for online dating and I generally meet interesting, reasonably socially adept men. Even when I'm not attracted to someone, I still usually have a good conversation with them. The only socially inept guy I've dated that I can think of I actually met through a friend and he was just awkward (the date who brought along his twin brother). Calling all the time and whatnot is an immediate flag for me, though. If they're like that in the beginning, what will they be like later????
maybe he couldnt look at you becasue he's intimidated.
Z
What do you mean obviously this is a rhetorical question because we have? Why are you generalizing all men like that? My man is a gentleman and has great social skills. Of course, I didn't meet him online either so that maybe part of your problem... (You meeting the guy online.) If you feel this way about all men, then why date at all? Not all men are socially inept. I take offense to that because my boyfriend knows how to hold a great conversation. Lots of men do. You just need to find them. If this man isn't up to your standards, then why waste your time going back out with him again?
He obviously sounds like he has issues, like calling
Now that tickled me!! (this is not a put down but a fact) I don't think I have ever been so pretty a man couldn't talk to me.........
I did lead the convo, several times, he couldn't pick it up. He was late for the date and I had already ordered, that's why I went dutch and frankly I long ago stop letting the guy pick up the tab for me on the first few dates, have been disrespected too much over a 20 dollar meal ("what do I get, I paid for dinner")..........
I am giving him another shot, next weekend. For the reasons you stated is exactly why I accept a second date, Maybe he was just nervous, but can I say that this man was 48 years old, yes that old and was nervous on a date??? I am sorry, but at what point do men learn how to be in the presence of a woman.........
He's no spring chicken. Not to say he's old, but he's not very young, (heck I am not either) but I am tired of being put in an awkward situation because you never learned how to talk to women..........
Here's a clue: Just talk about what you like and leave the convo open for me to ask questions. So if you like sports, talk about your favorite team and then say, "do you like football" sure I am going to say, "not much, but then I will talk about my friends who love the game and how I still go over their homes and watch games with them even though it's not my cup of tea."..........
See how that went?? And did I mention the whispering?? I kept having to say, "what did you say" cause he would not speak up......
Then he thought the waitress was "into" me cause she was friendly and when the meal was over, he couldn't wait to leave..........
I am not trying to make anyone feel like less of a man. I go dutch because I want to be able to eat and have what I want without someone feeling like I am "milking them"...........
We'll see what happens.
GT36
Hello zlibby,
Just responding to your thoughts. IF the elipses bug you, I will try and limit them, but it's just something I do.
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I have been set up, met people on my own, done personal ads in the paper, voice personals, speed dating and online dating. So believe me I have tried several ways to date, not just online.
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I don't know how to take this comment without being defensive, so I will say that I can only go by my experiences and I don't think I ever said I cornered the market on social skills. If you refer to my original post in fact I said that women are guilty also.
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Again in my original post, his phone conversations and his emails were fine. No problem, so how exactly was I supposed to know. You can't judge social skills until you are in a social situation.
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When accepting an online date, I simply have to have had more than a couple of conversations before I say, okay let's go out. Don't see the problem with that. Maybe it is mechanical, but again how am I supposed to date?? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
So my elipses mean what?? Just curious as to what questions does that raise about me?? Something's wrong with me that I "overuse" certain punctuation just mean I like using certain things and maybe that's makes me "redundant" to say the least, but what else does it make me?? Just interested in your thoughts.
So thanks for your opinions. We all have them and they all have value. Take care and have a great day.
GT36............(who likes using elipses)
You input is always appreciated and I do apologize for the generalizations. Congrats on having a wonderful man in your life. I wish we could all be so lucky. Take care and have a great day.
GT36 (who keeps forgetting to stop generalizing)
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