Have we "ruined things" for men?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Have we "ruined things" for men?
87
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 11:27am

I was reading Shy's response to one of rebainmi's posts about men being big babies, scared of rejection, even when they know a woman will say yes.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2004

ITA! I don't want to let all of my feelings known up front...I remember when I was dating this guy a couple of years ago, I thought it would be cute to do what I did. We had gone out to dinner and I had leftovers so I wrote a nice note on the inside of the box because he was taking them for lunch the next day, I told him that he had made me very happy.

He dumped me a week later.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2005

Adrastos you make very good points...but each point could be applied equally to guys.
I'm sick of guys who can't hold conversation about current events, or who want you to look like a 10 when they're a 5...what about the guys who cheat or oogle everything with legs?

There are women, like me, who will pay for their share, who like to hold conversations, who aren't on their cell, who prefer to actually do things, who don't cheat, who are honest? I mean seriously, we exist and we will sit and complain about men as quickly as you will about women. It's dangerous to do so, to assume everyone is in the same boat.

Each age group has their own complaints too. I'm 24...and I like guys in their late 20's. It seems like none have their crap together, they're still living at home, with no goals, tons of debt and low self-esteem. The ones who do have their crap together are at the bars hooking up with everyone OR their too quiet to even ask a girl out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2005

Hi sephora!!

Oh, I agree with you a 100 percent..., I just wanted to throw in a man's point of view and possibly be a little entertaining while I did it :-)

Adrastos

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
It's funny but all the things you listed, I'm sure alot of women can agree and say their tired of it from men too.
For a moment, I thought you were a woman.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2005

You were quite entertaining...so much so you got me a little fired up, lol.

I have to say internet dating is the quickest way to deflate your self-esteem. I am pretty attractive, not model attractive, but girl next door with a pretty rockin body...and countless guys, even 5's will end all communication once the photo is released. I'm thinking, what the crap do the other women on here look like if even I'm getting the boot for looks? So needless to say I've decided to save some self-esteem and pull entirely out of the online dating thing.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003

Insofar as the approachability of women, here are some observations and experiences I want to share.

I think it is a combination of factors (1) setting/environment - whether the attempted conversation is in a grocery store or a bar. The "hit on" factor where women are more on guard is different in different settings, (2) age - I think the younger (20s - 30s) women tend to be more on guard in being hit on, (3)region - as a native of the New York City metro area and now living in Portland, Oregon that the friendliness and approachability of women are markedly different. The Northeast is more "in your face."

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2005
My sentiments exactly. Online dating is a wasteland and no span of time will ever take me back there!
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003

I met women who are "taken" and still are very friendly and willing to have a conversation with me. Is it either all or nothing? You either have a conversation which means you are available and wanting to date or nothing? Isn't there anything in between like having just a conversation?

My woman friend is naturally very friendly (not flirtaeous) and she says she finds men misinterpret that a lot, i.e. she is available and sexually interested in them. This does not prevent her from continuing to be friendly and open.

Mark

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 12:34am

CL, I read your post several times but either I'm missing it because I just got home from flying across the country, or it's not there...

How, exactly, does your brother think women have "ruined things"? What is the specific behavior he's complaining about?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004

Liyahberry,

I am in total agreement with you. I think it is the difference between the 'X' and 'Y' generation. Men from the 'X' generation were taught to ask a woman out and pursue the women whilst women from the 'Y' generation are taught to be more aggressive, to actively chase men and that there is nothing wrong with sleeping with a man on the first date. Some women are taking a backward step and we are paying for it. I agree with you that women have made it very easy for men and I think most men are very lazy when it comes to relationships and will tend to settle more so than women. High maintainance these days seems to fall into the realm of expecting a man to ask you out, pay for the first date and calling you at least three times a week.

As I always say, for every man who is a bastard, there are nine women readily willing to accept that behaviour. Women need to stop pandering to men and start standing their ground. I wish women would be the ones that could take control of the dating process and qute frankly I think we would be much better at it but in my experience men are turned off by women who chase them. So here we have a no win situation; men are turned off by women who pursue but men in turn do not pursue women because they have women chasing them. I dated a gym instructor who was 27 and he said to me that we're both in the same situation where the opposite member of sex chases us. He was very sincere when he said that and I was in absolute shock that he didn't understand that he should be the one to be pursuing the woman. I said to him that any woman who pursues a man is just quantity and not quality but he was happy to settle for that. At the end of the day, some men are too ignorant to know any better and why would women of our calibre want to settle for that?

I think you can see the influence of women in different cultures like European countries such as Italy and France where men are more traditional and conservative whereas I cringe when I read some of the posts that are written here by American women. I don't know how as a nation, you allowed American men to get away with the notion of being exclusive and dating multiple partners. From what I can assertain, this policy only seems to benefit men. Thankfully, even though Australia is heavily influenced by America, this trend hasn't started here and I hope that we never emulate the American dating style.

Feisty

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