Have we "ruined things" for men?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Have we "ruined things" for men?
87
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 11:27am

I was reading Shy's response to one of rebainmi's posts about men being big babies, scared of rejection, even when they know a woman will say yes.

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 12:19pm

Huh. And he thinks this is something new, or something that women don't have to go through?

I don't buy it in the least, but if that's the excuse he wants to use, ok.

IMO, he needs to remember that he can't control how other people act. He can only control his own actions...so if he's interested, he should make that clear by asking the woman out. He'll find out soon enough whether the woman is really interested or not.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005

This is true; unfortunately, I think both men AND women worry a lot about rejection, and maybe what I'm saying is men are more afraid of rejection than they used to be (judging from what I've heard over the past few months from my brother et al).

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003

I can understand that (being afraid of rejection)...but what is the alternative? Not dating and being alone. So if he wants to have the chance of being in a relationship, he's going to have to deal with rejection as we all do (women too, even if it's not as overt).

Besides, someone who is right for him isn't going to turn him down!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2005
Message 33 was deleted...darn! That always make me wonder what was said in that message, hehe...can we get a clean, paraphrased version from the poster?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2005

Ok..., but if I get kicked off for a personal attack you'll owe me...,

Original post edited to remove one persons name and make it generalized:

Men haven’t evolved the way women have??? That is utter BS!!

Women wanted equality, you got equality! We did evolve with you…, as you asked. We now treat you like equals, why do you not treat us the same way? Instead of saying “grow a set and go out and make your move on women who you are attracted to” why not put in your 50 percent? If women and men are really equal why not take your half of the dating ritual???

When was the last time a woman saw a guy you were interested in…, said hi and made some small talk…., gauged his interest level…, asked for his number…, gave him a call later and asked him out on a date…, set up the date.., and then gave him a kiss at the end of that date?? All very simple, huh? Well guess what…, women haven’t done it. They haven’t done it because #1…, women are simply too chicken…, #2…, women haven’t evolved in the love department…, you still want a man to act like a man. Yeah, it’s all great to have equality in society and the workplace but you want it your way when it comes to dating!!

The posters brother was saying just that…, women have turned dating into a struggle. They act all flirty but when you show interest its LJBF crap. And what’s with men are pigs stuff…, we could say the same about women…, only the terminology is “crazy bytch”…., there’s another thread on this board which reinforces that statement.

To say “suck it up and get out there”, well we men say “after doing that and getting enough rejections, mixed signals, and princess attitudes we don’t even want to bother anymore”.

So then the real question is who is better suited to live decade after decade single…, men or women?

Adrastos

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2005

Okay if you get kicked off I do owe you.

Please please please remember that there are still women who will start conversations, guage interest and be the first to kiss. There are also women who don't.

Women like men to be men and men like women to be women. That's kinda the basis of humanity, we bring different characteristics to the table. Women want equality in their rights, not to be confused with this whole equal thing. Guess what?? We're equal...we're just different. If men and women were the exact same, we'd be extinct, I swear!

A man wants to be a man, he wants to be a protector, a fixer, a support system. A woman wants to be a nuturer, a giver, etc etc. These are our roles in general, now of course you'll always find a man who hates protecting and a women who hates to nuture.

A woman's view is, well if you're interested hunt me, get me, at the very least ask me the hell out! A man's view is, oh no no, some of you women play these games so you just have to ask me out!

Let's not forget that everyday around the world, men & women are getting together. This is a thread on a Singles board...so most of us are single and peeved at the dating scene because it hasn't been working out the way we'd like it to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!
We should not have to do all of the work for you.
I have no problems with going up to a guy, smiling at him and engaging him in conversation and so forth. But I will not pursue him and ask him for his number and on a date and so forth. That's taking it too far and the guy eventually loses interest in the girl who does that to begin with because she didn't let him get a chance to pursue her. I think men who say they like women to pursue them really don't mean it because once one starts, then eventually he gets turned off by her constant chasing of him.
I knew a girl who chased after a guy she wanted really badly. She did all of that. Chatted him up, got his number, asked him out and he was all for it. But then he grew tired of her and could not get rid of her and eventually he saw someone he really liked and he ended up pursuing her.
But guys need to stop being lazy and also read signs too. If a girl is not showing you any interest, leave her alone and don't pursue it. If she is, why not ask her out instead of staring at her and drooling and making her uncomfortable? Take a chance and say hey how about lunch sometime? If she says no, you know what? There are alot more women to move on to the next one whereas we don't have that option because men outnumber us tremendously. Your rejection does not last because by the next week, you'll see someone else who's hot and gets your attention.
(sigh) If I have to pursue a man, I'm very sorry. I don't want him. I see nothing wrong with asking a young lady to have lunch with you and if she says no, politely move on to the one who will. Sorry. It's your job. You do have balls for a reason. Like it or not. We shouldn't have to grow them for you and hold them for you either.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2005

LOL. Oh I'm really see both sides of this. I have to agree with you, execept for the part where men outnumber women, it's like 52% to 48%, the the grand scheme it's not that much....however it's a revote in Florida! lol.

If a guy thinks I'm interested, because I make it PAINFULLY obvious I think, I want him to ask me out! If I'm throwing out the signals and he's not biting, then he's not interested, and that's cool...I can handle that. If he's throwing out REALLY OBVIOUS signals to me, I may ask but I'll be more inclined to wonder "if he can be this forthright, why can't he just ask?".

I dunno...the past two guys I've dated have asked me out, now we had known each other for a couple weeks at least and had a couple interactions so it was like in the grocery store or crossing the street, but I felt swept by them, it was nice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
I see your point, Ivil.
But I'm beginning to think that men just don't want to be men anymore.
I had an ex-boyfriend who was very macho and he was the type that felt like he should always be the initiator even in the sack.
Everything was "A man is supposed to do this and a man is supposed to be like that".
I liked that about him. He wanted me, he made his feelings known and he didn't play about it. He told me he liked me and he had to tell me.
I know men are shy but I still know some who are shy but yet still know how to get their point through that the are interested.
If men took that laid back attitude that if she wants me, she needs to come get me, I guess I don't want him. Like I said, I'll throw a rope at him and help him climb it but I'll be dang if I shove it up his...
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2005

I think you make a lot of good points..., and be assured I have always pursued women. But you know what..., I still feel the way the original posters brother feels..., it's just not worth the effort anymore.

I am not the only guy who feels this way either and I think you would be surprised how many do..., now I know that's coming from a 45 year old man who has had 3 marriages and a few relationships so maybe my age has a bit to do with it..., but a lot of the guys I know feel this way.

Dating has become a struggle and the pay off just isn't worth it. I see it over and over..., just take a look at my place of business:

a county building with many, many single people (well at least ringless anyway). 20's, 30' 40's, both men and women and no one is asking anyone out. In fact I would say that flirting isn't even happening either.

Now, is this my imagination or is there some other greater issue at hand just below the surface?

I have at least 4 single friends who feel the same way. We are intelligent, sucessfull, not to rough on the eyes..., but all of us don't even bother dating anymore and are focused on our own pursuits..., for me that is sailing and the arts and my son.

I don't blame women completely, or men completely..., I blame each side 50 percent..., so I guess we're equal after all.

Adrastos.

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