Have we "ruined things" for men?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Have we "ruined things" for men?
87
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 11:27am

I was reading Shy's response to one of rebainmi's posts about men being big babies, scared of rejection, even when they know a woman will say yes.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004

Liyahberry,

What men say and what men actually want are two completely different things. They say they want us to make the first move but when we do, they are turned off. They say they like nice, stable women but then they chase after pyscho b*tches. Men send mixed messages to women all the time and then they wonder why we are confused. I think women are a lot easier to read than men and are more willing to put their cards on the table and their hearts on the line. A woman breaks a man's heart and he can be scarred for life but how many times do women have to pick themselves off the floor after they have been hurt by a man? I just think most guys these days are just pathetic, scared little boys and I'm not interested in even entertaining the possibility of being with someone like that. I want a real man who is interested in a woman who challenges his mind, touches his heart & soothes his soul.

Feisty




Edited 8/10/2006 9:41 am ET by feisty01
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005

"I have men who stare at me and are practically drooling when I walk past but never speak to me. However, if I smile or say hello to them, they seem to lose interest and I lose my value."


Perfect example of this: the guy I had a crush on before the guy I have a crush on now...the only reason I GOT a crush on the guy is because I noticed him staring at me when I danced.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 10:11am
You are so right!
Scared, pathetic little boys who probably want you to come to the men's room with them now when they have to go and hold their balls at that!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 10:32am
Yes. I think you hit the nail on the head.
Once you let your vulnerability out, the mystery is gone for them sometimes and they do lose interest. The excitement is gone and they no longer see you as that unattainable hot chick anymore.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 11:39am

Shy,

I think that you hit the proverbial nail on the head with this post. I know that many men are intimidated by my job. I refuse to apologize for it or play it down and I am open to dating men in all kinds of professions but tend to have more in common with men who are as ambitious and successful as I am.

As you said, it takes a very confident man to date a successful woman. And it takes a very confident man to interest a successful woman. It's a two way street. As for the control issue - my opinion on that may differ from yours depending on what you mean by control. I like to have control over my professional life and finances but don't feel that I need to have control in a relationship. When dating a man who matches my success and confidence, I find that there is a natural balancing act that occurs and I don't even think about control.

It is definitely about personality and compatibility more than it is about money.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2005
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 12:58pm

what a wide array of opinions and perspectives!

as to your brother, i think some younger girls have become more agressive sexually. i think there is something about realizing our potential power over men, and exploiting it, and i think as we become more open and promiscuous in our society, girls are more willing to play with this openly - flirt with guys, pursue guys then reject them, have casual sex, etc., and maybe send out mixed messages. i don't know - just a guess.

i wonder from reading the posts what we expect from men. a number of posts insist on manly men, who will pursue and ask us out. what about all the other characteristics that have classically gone with manly men? difficulty expressing emotions, dominant in decision-making, lacking in sensitivity to a woman's needs, etc. do we want these things, too? are our expectations a little unfair? i don't know.

certainly, i want a man who will ask me out and be kind and understanding at the same time, but sometimes i do think that perhaps i should go out of my way a little more to understand men and where they're coming from.

just a few thoughts to go along with some probably unanswerable dilemmas! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2005

..., and so shines a light on a weary world...,

Thank you lithenblithe for those pure words of wisdom. I am constantly feeling alone in my thoughts and unsupported by the women of this board..., some of them being most certainly misandrists..., but that is what I risk being one of the few men that dare dwell here.

You said it so well...., traits that come with the package of a man's man. The rest of us men have been taught to respect women and treat them like equals, not to look at them as conquests or property.

You are right..., by women waiting for men to come on to them, they risk attracting a certain type of male and then wonder when he treats her like dirt..., a true man's man.

You have given credit to men's feelings and given hope that maybe women can find some middle ground to meet us in..., I for one am tired of how the dating game is set up and so refuse to play.

Adrastos

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004

"i wonder from reading the posts what we expect from men. a number of posts insist on manly men, who will pursue and ask us out. what about all the other characteristics that have classically gone with manly men? difficulty expressing emotions, dominant in decision-making, lacking in sensitivity to a woman's needs, etc. do we want these things, too? are our expectations a little unfair? i don't know."

Since you were referring to one of my posts, I'll respond to you specifically. It is your experience that manly men cannot express their emotion, dominant in decision-making and lacking in sensitivity to a woman's needs. You are merely quoting a stereotype and it has not been my experience.

Every man's man I have been with has been very sensitive to my needs, has asked me how my day was and actually wanted to know the answer, has called me when they first woke up in the morning and called me again at night because they just want to hear the sound of my voice, has cooked and cleaned for me, has brought me soup when I was sick, made sure that every need and want has been met and treated me like a princess. I found this tendancy more so in blue collar workers. It seems the more educated a man gets, the more he seems to not understand that it is his place to pursue and court a woman. So if we're going to talk in stereotypes, give me a traditional, conservative blue collar worker over an opinionated, arrogant white collar worker anyway.

Feisty

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2005

That's funny I looked in the dictionary for the definition of a man's man and that's not what it said...,

However..., I checked "wussy", "wet noodle", and "nice guy" and found this definition:

He is very sensitive to her needs, has asked her how her day was and actually wanted to know the answer, has called her when they first woke up in the morning and called her again at night because they just want to hear the sound of her voice, has cooked and cleaned for her, has brought her soup when she was sick, made sure that every need and want has been met and treated her like a princess"

It was also listed under "stalker"..., but it was noted that this was only if the female didn't want this attention.

Adrastos

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004

Adrastos,

I think you mistake man's man with a doormat but I haven't got a copy of the Misogynist Dictionary so I can't cross check that reference for you. The men I have described are kind and caring but they won't let a woman walk all over them and tell them what to do. I've read a few of your posts and I think it's better that we agree to disagree because I'm never going to subscribe to your way of thinking.

Feisty




Edited 8/10/2006 7:32 pm ET by feisty01

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