He didn't call...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2005
He didn't call...
23
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 8:59pm

So this weekend I left a little note for a guy I like, knowing that he would get it Monday. Just a casual...let me know if you want to grab dinner... kinda thing. Prior to now I've sensed that he may be interested just a little shy, so I took this approach so the ball would be in his court and he had an openening. Well it's Tuesday night and I thought I would have heard from him tonight. I haven't, so I'm kinda bumming. My friend wonders if he's busy but he always said he didn't get out much... ugh.

This feeling sucks, I'm sure you've all been there too, it's a bit discouraging. He's the first guy I've really liked since I broke up with my bf 6 months ago. I was just really hoping he would call... *sigh*

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2005
Wed, 08-16-2006 - 12:59pm

Oh I hear ya! I'm very very good at reading people and will not make a move unless I'm pretty confident they're into me. But then again everybody's personality is a little different...maybe he reaches out and touches everybody while he says hi....who knows!

It's funny cause we had that big discussion on here about how 'women have ruined it for men' and vice versa....so I was being an 'a-typical woman' and making a move...how ironic.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Wed, 08-16-2006 - 1:24pm
I went that route to myself a few years back because I was getting all the right signals from someone and I KNEW he liked me. I just thought he was too shy to do anything or he thought maybe I was seriously involved.
So I took it upon myself to be a little assertive as many people were telling me to do and I asked him to have lunch with me and he said yes but nothing came of it. I could sense him backing off a bit so I left it alone. I later found out he was the one involved but by his actions towards me, I never would have thought it.
Guys have many reasons for doing what they do. Which is why I'd never do that again. I told myself atleast I tried and now I knew I had closure. But the funny thing was he wanted to keep me in his life but I wanted all or nothing so that didn't work with me. I asked myself could I just settle being his friend only and the answer was an honest nope.
So...
From now on, I don't care what signals he's giving me or how strong I think he may like me, if he's not doing anything about it and I'm giving him the notion that it's okay, then we just will never be.
But pat yourself on the back for trying and you have nothing to be ashamed of.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Wed, 08-16-2006 - 2:09pm

Yes, I have been busy lately.

You say: "I think a lot of good looking men who appear to be very self confident in a group situation have a lot of difficulty in approaching attractive women they are interested but it suits me fine because I'm not all that interested in insecure men either."

Are you able to deduce that a man is interested in you even if he hasn't approached? I think the key word in the above paragraph is "appear" because I don't know how you tell the difference between insecure and uninterested.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2005
Wed, 08-16-2006 - 9:30pm
YEA!! He called!!! Just when I was starting to write him off as uninterested, he called! I'm thrilled...I haven't lost that 'gut feeling'. Woo hoo!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2004
Wed, 08-16-2006 - 10:35pm

He may still call, perhaps he's just waiting a couple of days (the classic 3 day rule that guys like to use sometimes). I wouldn't write him off just yet, but if you don't hear from him by this coming Monday, it will have been a week and I'd say you have your answer.

I'm sorry, boys suck...at least that's my opinion at the moment :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Wed, 08-16-2006 - 11:31pm

INTERESTED BUT IS INSECURE OR IS MARRIED/HAS A GF OR GOD FORBID BOTH = Gives you constant eye contact but never approaches.

UNINTERESTED: Doesn't acknowledge you or only acknowledges you when approached.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 2:15am
Good one
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 2:34am

>INTERESTED BUT IS INSECURE OR IS MARRIED/HAS A GF
>OR GOD FORBID BOTH = Gives you constant eye contact
>but never approaches.

You don't think that "Shy" could be a possibility? From what you have written I think it would be fair to say that the men you encounter can possibly be one (or more) of the following: uninterested, shy, married, have a girlfriend, insecure, confident, arrogant, interested.

But you can't really know for sure until they approach you or you approach them. If you aren't giving these men any signs of interest when they make eye contact I don't think they will ever dare approach. That would be a suicide mission.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 2:48am

Hal,

I couldn't care less about whether a guy is shy. I am not attracted to shy men, I find them boring. I like men who are charismatic and fun to be with. The type of guy I want to be with is the type of guy who isn't afraid to approach me.

Feisty

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2006
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 5:55pm
Yep, it sucks alright! But I've always thought of Wednesday as 'date night,' meaning that if they're going to call and ask you out....and they have manners and know anything about dating...then they should call by Wednesday night (today is Thurs so hopefully he called you last night). But even still, most women, me too, have our own time line of when we think things should happen and guys DO NOT have the same time line that we do. There's nothing wrong with that....so try not to hold him to your time line. He could call you next week or in 3 weeks, after all YOU'RE the one who made the first move and as far as you know, he's just not ready to get back into dating, or he's trying to get over someone, or he's about to have surgery and wants to be alone, or one million other things. Just make sure you do this: when he does call, don't be bitter or have an attitude. I used to be soooooo guilty of this until I realized that they don't think like we do. Try to be open and receptive and not negative. Then when you're on the date you can, in a 'round about sort of way' find out what took him so long.
Now, I'm not saying you have to be all 'nice' if you've had 3 dates with him and he hasn't called you in 4 months, that's a whole different post.