He has a gf, should I ask him out?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2007
He has a gf, should I ask him out?
47
Fri, 03-09-2007 - 5:14pm
I would appreciate any comments or advice you have - I am new to a big city, I'm 38, single, no kids. There's a new guy at work that I run into occasionally and we chat from time to time. He's not married and I am very attracted to him. I do notice him looking at me quite a bit and when he passes by he is always friendly and has a big smile on his face. I mentioned that I am new to the city, and he told me that he lives in the same area that I just moved to. He made the comment that he could show me around but he never mentioned it again. We haven't really gotten too personal, just small talk. I know someone (male) that he works with and he told me that he has a girlfriend. His comment to that was, "you have to put a wedge in between there". I have never asked someone out that is "taken". I'm not sure how to handle it, but I have to find out if he is interested one way or another. Should I play the "friend card" and just ask him if he's interested in getting together sometime and have coffee, lunch or go to a movie? Help! I'm not sure what to do.

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Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 03-09-2007 - 6:27pm

I would be pretty pissed if another woman asked my boyfriend out, knowing that he was already "taken."


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 03-09-2007 - 6:58pm
You shouldn't do anything. He has a girlfriend!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Fri, 03-09-2007 - 9:04pm

Would you want a woman to play the friend card that really had ulterior motives on a boyfriend of yours to spend time with your boyfriend outside of work, to work him???

If you can honestly say you'd be fine with a woman moving in on your boyfriend than by all means do it.

Smile,

Deirdre

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Sat, 03-10-2007 - 9:18am

He has a gf, should I ask him out?


NO!!!


I do notice him looking at me quite a bit and when he passes by he is always friendly and has a big smile on his face.


He's probably just a friendly guy.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sat, 03-10-2007 - 10:03pm

Forget what the girlfriend thinks, what about what the guy might think of you if he knows that you know . . .

Who knows where his relationship may be heading. If things do not work out between himself and his girlfriend, he may consider asking you out. However, in my opinion, you could risk jeopardizing that by putting doubts into his head regarding your morals/ethics.

And another thing to think about is your co-workers. What would they think?

Life shouldn't be about what other people think but I strive to follow the golden rule. Therefore, I would not move in on another woman's man simply because I would not appreciate it if she did the same to me ; )

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2006
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 9:40am

He has a girlfriend, which basically means, he's off limits. How would you like it if you had a boyfriend and some single girl knew about you but still asked him out without having regards for your feelings? We never think about that one do we? If you do ask him out and he says yes, it shows you what type of integrity he has. And you can expect the same type of treatment in the future if you do hook up with him.

Forget about him and find someone else who is available.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2007
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 12:30pm
I don't think he knows that I know he has a girlfriend (does that make sense)? I did ask the person that knows him, not to tell him that I asked about him and if he had a gf. I wouldn't appreciate someone moving in on my man but it has happened to me more than once. That's life. I just think he's a nice guy and I'd like to get to know him better. Since I'm new to the city, I haven't really met a lot of people. I wouldn't ask him out on a "real date" just maybe go to lunch or get coffee as a friend. Is there anything wrong with that??
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2006
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 12:45pm

Are you serious? You have ulterior motives that's what's wrong with that! Don't do to someone else what you wouldn't want done to you. And for the comment, it's happened to me before, you should know how hurtful that is to do to someone since it's been done to you before. Why would you want to inflict pain on someone else because you've been hurt before or because of your selfish needs? You're 38 years old. You're old enough to know better.

Geesh, are men that scarce that some women have to resort to trying to take someone else's man behind their backs?

I'm done, really, I can't!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 1:20pm

There's a new guy at work that I run into occasionally and we chat from time to time. He's not married and I am very attracted to him.


Because of this statement you made, I do not think it's a good idea to "just maybe go to lunch or get coffee as a friend."

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2007
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 1:58pm
I'm not delibertly trying to inflict pain on someone. I don't know what type of relationship they have, they could be just dating. It may not be serious. He lives alone, besides it's not like he's MARRIED. That's completely different. I wouldn't even consider being interested in him if he was married. There's nothing wrong with asking someone to get together to have lunch or coffee and if he tells me he cant because he has a gf then I will respect him for that and move on.

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