He has a gf, should I ask him out?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2007
He has a gf, should I ask him out?
47
Fri, 03-09-2007 - 5:14pm
I would appreciate any comments or advice you have - I am new to a big city, I'm 38, single, no kids. There's a new guy at work that I run into occasionally and we chat from time to time. He's not married and I am very attracted to him. I do notice him looking at me quite a bit and when he passes by he is always friendly and has a big smile on his face. I mentioned that I am new to the city, and he told me that he lives in the same area that I just moved to. He made the comment that he could show me around but he never mentioned it again. We haven't really gotten too personal, just small talk. I know someone (male) that he works with and he told me that he has a girlfriend. His comment to that was, "you have to put a wedge in between there". I have never asked someone out that is "taken". I'm not sure how to handle it, but I have to find out if he is interested one way or another. Should I play the "friend card" and just ask him if he's interested in getting together sometime and have coffee, lunch or go to a movie? Help! I'm not sure what to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
Thu, 03-15-2007 - 3:57pm

<>

Don't get huffy.

<>

The OP did not say that the coworker had a comitment to be exclusive. So, how long does this comitment not to date other people last? If you go back and read my original post, you would see that I suggested that if the coworker wanted to date the OP then he should break up with his gf. I did not suggest that anybody lie or cheat on anyone else.

<> if his comitment is worth anything, then the outsider is irrelevent. By asking him out on a date the OP can assertain his level of comitment and determine for herself whether he is available or not.

<>
That is a nice imperious pronouncement.

You seem to view relationships as sacred entities that must be allowed to proceed unmolested until their natural deaths (of the relationship, not necessarily of one of the couple). This is an unrealistic view of human interactions. Sometimes there is nothing wrong with a relationship, but there is nothing right about it either. Additionaly some relationships are acknowledged by both parties as transient and no one intends that they continue forever.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Thu, 03-15-2007 - 4:13pm

nevermind


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2006
Thu, 03-15-2007 - 4:17pm

phatgenes,
If you read the o/p's post, she states: <>

This is clearly someone who's asking advice about how to go out with someone who has a girlfriend. She knows he's taken but yet, doesn't care because she wants the guy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2007
Thu, 03-15-2007 - 10:20pm
Thank you! Phatgenes, I appreciate your comments. It's nice to hear that someone finally agrees with me. You brought up a very good point: A lot of women act like they OWN their boyfriends. It sounds like most of the women who responded are probably like that. Like I said...he's not married! I look at it this way, if I don't I see a ring on his finger he's fair game and available. thanks again :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2007
Thu, 03-15-2007 - 10:33pm
ivil_mami25,
let me clear something up - The co-worker that told me that may not have his facts right. He may have mistaken "dating her" for "girlfriend". And for your information, I don't know FOR A FACT that he is taken. Taken in my book means married. That's why I have to find out for myself and ask him if he would like to go do something sometime. (and I'm not referring to go have sex). I'm not easy or sleezy!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2006
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 7:42am
Whatever, katie1106. I really don't care anymore. Either way, it's wrong, dead wrong. If you ever do get a boyfriend of your own, I hope no woman does that to you.


Edited 3/16/2007 7:58 am ET by ivil_mami25
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 7:45am

Why did you even ask if you were only looking for one particular answer?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 9:05am

A lot of women act like they OWN their boyfriends. It sounds like most of the women who responded are probably like that.


I am one of the women who responded and I do not act like I own my boyfriend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2006
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 9:28am

I agree with you and cl-countrygrlupnorth. I don't own my boyfriend either! He doesn't wear a ring and neither do I but we decided to be committed to each other. If he's going to go out with women, I know of them because they are his friends and vice versa. I just don't feel comfortable reading posts like this from women who want to chase after men, especially if knowing, and I'm repeating her words, that he is "taken". I said I wasn't going to respond anymore and here I am still responding. LOL! oh-kay!

She can do what she wants, I don't think anything will come out of it though. Not when her intentions are all wrong. Nothing good ever comes out of that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 11:58am

There is no way to ever define whether or not something is, in fact, unethical.