Is he in it just for the sex? The age old question.
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|Sat, 07-13-2013 - 7:36pm|
Hey everyone, I apologize if this might come across like a ramble. But if you read this and have any thoughts/comments, feel free to share. Most of my friends are guys, so I can't discuss these kinds of things too much with them. Anyway, here's a little background on me: In my last relationship, I was immediately smitten when I first laid eyes on him - and after speaking to him, I knew he was special and that I wanted to know more about him and be with him. We got along great. We were together for a year. We were one of those couples who were always together. But there was no "animalistic passion" in the relationship. We were more like friends - we were that comfortable with each other. After a year of being together, he dumped me saying I was more like a friend to him than anything else.
I'm a little insecure from my experience with my ex. Even though there was no raw passion there, I wanted to be with him and never wanted to be with anyone else as sex was never an issue for us - at least not as far as I was aware - we've always tried different things in bed. Anyway, that's digressing from the point - it's been several months since the break up and I'm dating again. I've sort of had a kind of self realization over the past few months. I have a very goofy sarcastic humor - and I can easily joke around with someone who I've just met and make them feel at east with me. But I think this make them see me as more of a friend than a potential partner. I'm not saying I want to change, but I want a man to make me feel like I'm beautiful - and I think my over sarcastic and the ease with which I make guys feel comfortable around me, means they won't put any effort into treating me like a woman.... because they have no need to put that effort. I might be wrong, but that's how I feel right now. I'm not saying I want to be spoilt by a man... but an occasional flower would be nice. My ex never bought me flowers. I've actually never received flowers or that sort of gestures from anyone I've dated. I never minded. I'm not the super girly girly type. But looking back, that sort of treatment would definitely be nice once in a while....
Which brings us to the new guy I've been seeing. We've gone on 3 dates so far. I know he's attracted to me... and he has made it fairly clear he finds me beautiful. It's so nice to hear it from someone. My ex called me beautiful maybe once during our entire relationship even though I was very verbal with my affection for him. I'm attracted to this new guy as well. On the first date, he made a comment about one of the pics I had on my dating profile, and he implied I was naked in the pic (even though I had lots of clothes on in that pic). I flipped out on him and asked him what his intentions were and told him I'm not looking to get laid and that's not why I created an online profile. I was obviously a little too sensitive... he apologized about the comment and seemed genuinely embarrassed/sorry. So I decided to go out with him again. We've been on 2 dates since then. Things are going ok, but I feel like we don't have much in common at all.... and during our dates, I find that I'm the one leading the conversation. Which is a little bit of a turn off to me as I find it implies he's not super interested in KNOWING more about me. And sometimes during mid conversation, he would just go in and kiss me and tell me he just had to do it. But at the end of the dates, even though I was the one keeping the conversation going during the date, he always says he has a great time with me, can't wait to see me, etc etc. This weekend he was away and he texted me late night and said the only thing he can think about is me (I figured it was booze talking and he was feeling horny). I'm definitely interested in getting to know more about him - and the main reason is because someone I'm attracted to is treating me like a woman (which I'm not even sure is a great reason to keep going out with him - but the woman in me is loving the attention - and he seems sweet - and I love it that he's not treating me like his gal pal)..... but how do I know he's not just in it for the sex? Am I being too sensitive and over analyzing what his true intentions are? I just don't want to date someone for a year and then find out he saw me as just a "friend" or that he was just in it for the sex. I know there is no definitive answer to this, but how do I "know" he's not just leading me on? Basically I'm just looking for your thoughts - what you think after reading this. I know you'll probably say keep going out with him and find out what he wants... it's just that this is a weird scenario - because I've never gone on 3 dates with someone I had so many doubts about... or maybe the doubts are an indicator that this will go nowhere... ahhh. :)