Is he a Keeper or a Player?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
Is he a Keeper or a Player?
3
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 9:57pm

I met a guy online and we chatted a few times, exchanged phone #'s, and went on 3 dates. Our first date went really well, we talked until we realized the restaurant was closed...
The second dinner date was cool too. The third date we saw a movie and he tried to kiss me (and I freaked out...)I saw it coming, but I tried to play it off by kissing him on the cheek. Later, we went home and he called me and I told him that it wasn't him, it was me and he said he understood that there are phases ( in a relationship..) We consistenly kept in touch via text messaging,voicemail and phone calls..

Later,I went to Chicago for Thanksgiving for about a week. We kept in touch throughout the course of the week... He tells me that he misses me and that " we are going to do something- dinner or movie, something when I get back home". So I am so excited to see him and I just can't wait. Next he says we can go to a movie Wednesday and he's telling me this on a Tuesday and that he will call me... I don't hear from him, and later he emails me and says he left his cell phone at home.... I give him the benefit of the doubt.

I am a bit concern of his inconsistency.. For example: he says he is so excited to see me and tells me how he misses me, but then he goes out of town with his cousin so his cousin can get laid with a married woman that lives 2 hours away... He calls me today telling me he just got back from out of town with his cousin and that he will call me and I haven't heard from him since this morning. I text and left him a voice message and I wonder if this is a pattern or is he playing the field. He told me something shocking today that hurt my feelings a bit, he said that he had alot on his mind and that it's because he doesn't have a woman.. I don't understand because I am thinking that I am his woman.. I jokinkly said: " I am sure you have lots of women.." and he replied: " It's not about having a woman, but the right woman"...

On our third date I asked him his definition of the right woman for him and he said to me: "You".. So now is he changing his mind? Playing me? I am so, so, so, so Confused. Please help me understand because he seems sincere but I just need to know for sure....

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 3:07am

Are you saying you think you're exclusive with this guy after just 3 dates and without having even talked about it? I don't think that's a very reasonable expectation (if I'm reading your post correctly and you are thinking that).

In any event, to answer your question, it's too soon to tell whether he's a keeper or not. But it's definitely a red flag that he said you were the right woman for him on only your 3rd date. That's either a line, or he doesn't have a realistic view of how long it takes to get to know someone well enough to even begin to have a clue about whether someone's right for you (it's a lot more than 3 dates, *that's* for sure!!).

And I'd also be concerned that he shares his cousin's poor character, so that's another red flag to watch out for.

Sheri

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 10:30am

I'm with Sheri- I worry about the cousin's character, and the fact that this guy went with him.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 2:22pm
I agree with the other two posters. The fact that he went out of his way to accompany (why can't his cousin go alone?) his cousin on some adulterous mission would be a red flag for me.