Is he into me????... :/

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Is he into me????... :/
Fri, 07-18-2003 - 4:30am
Hi everyone, its been pretty long since I haven't posted a message

on the board, i have to has changed a lot.

Well I decided to post a message because I cant stop thinking about

a co-worker of mine, which I really like. He flirts with me and stuff,

I just dont know if his a regular flirt or if his into me the same way

I'm into him. Today for example I asked a girl that works with me, if I

should call her?...he immediately jumped into the conversation and said

I'll call you...but I stupidly just ignored him :(....What can I do so he

could ask me for my number. The problem is that we work different shifts.

But we meet when i'm getting out and when his coming in. We work late night

shifts too. I dont know how to flirt, or just let him know im into him.

Can I please have some input in this.

We doesnt he just directly ask me for my number?... I dont understand,

I just know I like him, and I haven't thought about a guy the way im

thinking about him for the longest.

Thank you for your time and please help....:(
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-18-2003 - 7:47am
In my 22 years of dating experience, a man who is available, emotionally stable, and interested in dating a lady - as opposed to just sex - will find a way to get your number and to ask you out on a proper date that he plans in advance - whether expensive or free. anything less is irrelevant.

When I was 19 (I am now 36), I went to dinner with my friend and "David" was there (who barely knew my friend, and who I had never met) - I had a bad cold and was feeling icky - we met for dinner across the street from the day care center I worked at - and I pointed it out to everyone - three days later - withoout knowing my last name - he tracked me down at my job to ask me out - I had forgotten about meeting hm and he had to convince me that we had met - we dated for a year. A man who is interested - will find a way!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2003
Fri, 07-18-2003 - 9:29am
Deena is right. And once more: if a man is interested, you'll hear from him.

I think your man likes you, but not enough to follow through. I'd continue to flirt w/him, but I'd also look elsewhere for other dates. This one is either involved elsewhere (which is what I think is the case), or too immature to follow up on you.

In either case, I wouldn't want him, b/c once again: why do I want a man who doesn't want me?


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2003
Tue, 07-29-2003 - 11:44pm
No matter how confident or flirty a guy appears his number one fear is rejection especially when it involves a woman he is attracted to. You really need to give this guy a clear signal that you are interested.

Make any excuse to run into him. Stay late so your shift overlaps his. Or stand in the employee entrance or parking lot chatting with a co-worker. When you talk to him stand close to him in his personal space, touch his arm when talking to him, ask him about his weekend plans etc. Tell him you are going to the beach (or bowling!!) and maybe he'll say "Can I come?"

And be totally on guard for those times when opportunity knocks like when he said "I'll call you" so you can quickly response with a "sure you can".

They say men rarely get compliments so give him some. "You are such a nice (or funny) guy" etc.

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-30-2003 - 8:05am
I personally do not agree with this - I think being warm and approachable and seeing if he chooses to run into you - is the way to go - touching - especially in the workplace can lead to trouble including lawsuits and it is not necessary (although the man I dated at work told me that when I touched his arm at a party he "knew" I was interested - he was wrong, by the way - I wasn't, yet). Everyone fears rejection but I think warmth and approachability and sincere interest and a touch of flirting is more than sufficient. Compliments that are "posed" are transparent - i would find it phony and overbearing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2002
Wed, 07-30-2003 - 9:05am
Deena, I think a light touch on the arm would be fine. I spontaneously touch people when we are interacting and enjoying ourselves. And compliments are wonderful things in my view. Men find women who laugh at them enormously appealing. Telling him he's funny and makes you laugh sounds very appropriate to me.

She's trying to let him know she likes him and would say yes if he asked her out. Of course you are right that being warm, sincere, and approachable are an absolute necessary part of the equation, but a few little extra gestures probably would be helpful as well.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-30-2003 - 10:26am
In my firm, if you touch a co-worker you are engaging in risky behavior - even standing over the person to see their computer screen needs to be something that is determined in advance - in some way - to be OK with that person. In a business/social situation like a party I can see it more.

I agree that my position was probably too extreme and yours sounds very balanced Ava. (and hope all is going well with your SO!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2003
Wed, 07-30-2003 - 11:14pm
You already posted on this subject and my post was directed at the person who asked for the advice. We don't need rebuttals on everyone that posts advice here.

Almost all of the people I know who are in relationships were initiated by the woman. If we waited around for most men to make the first move retirement would come first. It's true that all of us don't like rejection but it is a much bigger deal for men. Ever watch Dr. Phil ? He has 30 years of psychology under his belt and I learned this watching his show. How many years do you have ?

I meant genuine compliments are to be given. And I still believe they will go a long way in him feeling comfortable with her and it's a way for her to tell him that she likes him.

As far as touching, this is a choice based on the person. We make these type of choices in all situations everyday. I highly doubt this flirty guy will make a big deal out of a woman touching his elbow ! I didn't say "go to the Accounting office and touch the guy that sits in the corner on his computer all day".

I stick with my original advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-31-2003 - 12:21am
Hmmm - with your attitude you'll be lucky if a man lets you drag him home - by the hair. ;-) Who is this 'we" you're talking about anyway, sweetie? Can't be anyone on this board. Perhaps you missed that day in kindergarten where basic manners were taught - that must be it.

what embarasses me the most is that you claim to be from NYC - I have lived here 36 years, 11 months, and ten days (28 years in Queens, nine years in Manhattan). Please don't use your posts to reinforce that unfortunate myth about rude/harsh new yorkers, ok?

I have never had to ask a man out or be the initial pursuer - I am reasonably attractive (no beauty queen, believe me) and reasonably intelligent and educated and have done fairly well in the dating world with my approach - but then again, I don't have the negative, condescending attitude you do. So please keep your rebuttals coming - very entertaining.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 08-05-2003 - 11:53am
If he's interested in you romantically, he'll call or ask you out directly. Men who just flirt to flirt with anyone aren't really relationship material. They're fun, but would you really want to put up with that on a regular basis? There are men who are shy or afraid to ask a woman out, but they usually aren't the flirt type, and we certainly don't want a man who is scared of us, now do we?

Just keep flirting if you want, and if he's interested, he'll ask. In the meantime, don't obsess over it, though!