is he or isn't he interested?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
is he or isn't he interested?
Mon, 04-21-2003 - 8:26pm
It's been so darn long since I have met a guy who was interested that I don't know the signals anymore. I'm used to them saying "I find you interesting and would like to get to know you better" or a variation on that theme.

Anyway, I've been friends with R. since I met my best friend & her boyfriend (now her husband of 10 years). We used to see each other at gatherings when we would both end up at our friends' house, and we were always happy to see each other. If that didn't happen, then we would ask about the other, "say hello for me", etc.

I moved away a couple years ago (it seems like forever) and while I was home over the summer, he had a party. My best friend, D. went with her family and mentioned that I would have been there, had I known about it. R. says he was sorry he missed me and that was that. We saw each other about a week before I left to come back here.

Fast forward to November. He called me out of the blue one night just to say hi. We talked for a few hours and then he called again that weekend. I went home at Christmas with the knowledge that I would be seeing him for a New Year's party that he had asked me to and a couple of times with some other friends. Then he said something about wanting to see me "just the 2 of us".

I think I spent more time with him than I did with my mom and best friend!

He still calls at least once/twice a week or emails me. He has mentioned spending time with me this summer when I go home.

I don't know what to think. He almost got married once (and I'm really glad he didn't and I told him that). I'm not looking for a relationship; I walked that road once and was really hurt by it. I just tell myself that he's NOT interested and that I should just take it for what it is: a guy paying attention to me and stop hiding from it and him.

Now that I have poured out my life story to you, any ideas on how to proceed? Do I need to open my big mouth or should I just let things lie as they are now?

summer 2010 sig by Tara

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-22-2003 - 1:49pm
Here is my opinion:

There are a # of different things he could be thinking. 1) you live in different cities so how could a romantic r/ship take off 2) He missed your friendship and wants to get close again 3) He's taking his time b/c he wants to do it right. 4) He doesn't even know how he feels yet, he's taking it slow...

But you said you aren't interested in anything romantic - so why not assume you are only friends until he tells you otherwise? Relax and enjoy his company :)


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-22-2003 - 10:04am
is he shy? passive? NICE?

could be he doesn't know how to approach the issue. normally, i don't respect guys that don't show romantic interest on the first or second date, but maybe this is a special case...

perhaps you should drop hints that you'd be welcome to something more than a friendship?

(my sneaking suspicion is that he's not sure about you, and doesn't want to ruin a potentially good friendship by turning it into something temporary)

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 04-21-2003 - 10:52pm
I'm starting to think that I'm not very good at telling whether a guy is interested or not, but I'll give it a shot.

I think he's probably interested, but because of the distance isn't persuing you too much. I say go with the flow for right now. Let him call and stuff and continue to do whatever it is that you're doing. As long as he keeps calling, it's working.