Is he playing games?
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| Sun, 07-22-2007 - 12:43am |
So I met a guy online. It took us forever to get a date down to meet but we finally did. Things went well for the first date and I was actually letting down some barriers and believing that there might actually be some decent guys online.
Anyways he called me the day he said he was going to. I was at work when he called but returned that call later. To which he hasn't returned via the phone but rather text. This morning he sent a message early in the morning seeing if I was free. I said I was up to a certain time then I had plans with my girls. He never responded. THen later tonight when I was coming home from being out he sent a message again asking how I was? how my day was going? when we could see each other again? I suggested tomorrow. Now he has dissapeared again and is not responding. Now I am getting nervous that I am being played. I know it's still early and maybe I am being paranoid. I just don't know why he keeps disappearing. Maybe i feel like I am a little frustrated with myself because I have been letting down some barriers and opening up to this guy and now I don't know what is going on.

To me, text messages mean the guy isn't interested enough to actually dial the phone (which baffles me, because it's less work).
That is a little weird, but I don't think it means that he is a player. Maybe he doesn't realize that he's leaving you hanging. Next time he texts you, why don't you ask him to call you instead. If he asks why, you could say, "well, I'm not sure I'm getting all of your texts. I think I've missed a few of your responses." Perhaps he will get the hint.
Good luck!
Yeah I agree, ask him to call you next time. Some people aren't very comfortable with the phone, especially if it's someone they haven't met. It's also possible he sent you a text so that he wouldn't bother you if you were still out with the girls - I would feel much worse missing a call than a text. Next time he texts you, you could also call him back. I personally don't like texting and people generally understand this.
It doesn't sound like he's left you hanging for too long...just a couple of missed connections/bad timing. Now if you had plans, he blew you off and didn't call for a week that would be a different story. He sounds equally busy as you and independent. I'd be a little creeped out if he was much tooooo eager and bordered on desperate.
Kheta,
I will give you my recent experience with a similar situation that you have described.. its not so much about the texting. I too met a guy online.. we emailed often for a month and then spoke on the phone almost every night because he was visiting home in another state for a month. I opened up to him about many things, and opened my mind a bit to think that he is a gentleman and a good guy. It built up hope and a long with the fact we were talking so often and he seemed to be putting in a lot of effort made my comfortable and hopeful that this could be something good. Then whether or not it was true, he admitted to be dating multiple girls on the side of me, which could be a reason why he is not so good with returning calls... and shouldnt come off as such a surprise because that is what you do with online dating and when you have access to so many singles. I met him once before he left for home and then another when he returned, unfortunately during this second meet it seems that all this time we spent getting to know eachother was a waste because he didnt seem like the same person I had gotten to know, and also stated that he was looking for something not serious and more about fun.. when previously during this month he stated that he was beginning to have feelings for me and wanted to only see me because we could be something good.
So basically what I am saying, dont get yourself too deep especially if you haven't really gotten to spend a lot more time with him in person and actually build a friendship if you want a relationship with this guy. It's just as easy, if not easier, to fool a lady when he is not around enough. There are many reasons as to why he may be busy or not making enough effort in returning your calls... But what I believe is that a woman should be treated well. I know people where the guys that had to chase em down not only with telephone calls, but small gestures like flowers or a simple "I bought this because it made me think of you" effort has been the best ones. So simply, if he is not putting enough effort in trying to catch you, I think you should leave it or at least keep from opening your emotions and hopes up so soon. Don't let him catch you until he deserves to because a woman is to be desired.
That's inconsiderate of him to not reply to you, and string you along like that, however minor it is. My initial impression is that he has a few women in his line-up and when you said you couldn't he moved on to another plan, and blew you off. That's rude that when he asked YOU to go out, you responded, but when you ask HIM, he didn't respond. I wouldn't invest too much in this guy. If you're serious about finding a genuine guy to build a friendship and possibly more with, I'd put him out of my mind.
Planning dates over text messages is, in my opinion, an impersonal way of building a relationship. It's not like you already know this guy well.
I met a guy online saturday morning and we emailed twice and IMed each other for about an hour that same day. Then I said I had to get going to a festival with a friend. He typed out his phone number in the IM screen and said, "Text me." LOL...I've never even talked to him on the phone. I'm coming at this from a completely different angle than he is obviously. I, of course, didn't text him. Just goofy.
Anyway, about your guy, if he contacts you again and you want to continue whatever's going on between you two, there is nothing wrong with being direct and stating your expectations in a simple way. Tell him to at least reply.
I've seen a lot of posts on here about texting while dating. I didn't realize it had become so common place. I can tell you from first hand experience that texting is very impersonal. I am currently "talking" to someone from my past that started off with texts every single day. These texts were several throughout the day. They've died down now, to the point where this guy doesn't even response to my texts. Instead, he now calls me everyday, which wasn't the case before. I guess that's him stepping it up a level? Anyway, in a text, I suggested we meet to celebrate a specific event in his life, and his response was "sounds good." That's it. "Sounds good?" What kind of dim-witted response is that? Not knowing how to respond to that, I let it go and thought, ok, I'm not going to do that again. A couple of weeks later, he brings up this event again that was coming up, and I let him know that the offer still stood if he was up for it. His response this time? ":-D" A smiley face. What the heck does that mean?! So, I've let it go and haven't brought it up. After his significant event came, I told him congratulations, and didn't suggest we meet up again to celebrate.
The point is, texting has it's pros and cons. It allows people to be a bit more daring, a bit more forward, a bit more flirtatious, than they otherwise would be able to be, but it can also be very impersonal and can cause a lot of confusion and second-guessing and in some cases, inner turmoil!
My advice is to try to stay away from texting when it comes to topics of conversations that are significant in nature or questions you need or would like to have a direct answer to. Bantering back and forth is ok for texts, but asking people out, etc. should be left for face to face or via phone.