He took the baby

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
He took the baby
23
Sat, 07-28-2012 - 2:10am
It's a long, drawn out story, but essentially my sister's ex suddenly decided tonight that he wanted the baby and came and took her and there wasn't a damn thing we could do about it since my sister is in the hospital. She thought she was going to get to come home on Sunday, but once she finds out about this she's probably going to flip and they may keep her longer. Basically, his family talked him into it and started texting/calling my mom saying they'll file kidnapping charges if we take her anywhere before they get there and that he has full custody and it'll stay that way until she's 18. He told his family that my sister kicked the baby and tried to beat the crap out of the boyfriend. Neither of those things happened.

If the sheriff's department hadn't been there (we called them) someone or more than one would have ended up hospitalized and/or in jail tonight. My mom is a complete mess. I had to hand the baby over and I wanted to kick him in the nuts. My stepdad is ready to go to jail after he has his piece of him.

And guess who has to pick up the pieces and hold it all together for everyone.

I'm calling to have them check on her tomorrow bc we weren't home and didn't send much with her. He's violent, so we're worried he'll hurt her if she cries too much. He's said he's worried about that too. Then we have to find a lawyer so there's a custody agreement in place. I don't care what his family thinks- that baby is far better off with us than with him.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 07-28-2012 - 8:45am

Oh I'm sorry that your family has to go through this.  It is hard to get a child from a parent unless you show they are unfit--unfortunately you don't want to wait until he has done something, so definittely get a lawyer right away.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sat, 07-28-2012 - 9:32am
We're going to try to find a lawyer today, but since it's Saturday that may be difficult. We do have a name of someone who has weekend appointments, though. We can't really do much until my sister is out of the hospital, so hopefully that'll be soon. He's told all of our family that his family is awful and they never help him, yet they are the ones he's relying on to watch her. Essentially, he's doing what my sister did. It's just that my sister wasn't present to say anything so he could do whatever he wanted.

He's just a horrible, vindictive, pathological liar and he needs to be stopped.
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sat, 07-28-2012 - 12:09pm

I feel for you.  This is the exact scenario we went through when my ex SIL left my bro back in '07.  She's a raging lunatic.  The only difference was, the girls were 9 and 11... plus, she never wanted full custody.  She told everyone she did, but never acted on it. 

I hope you guys can at least get visitation rights.  Are his family members healthy?  Were you able to get a feel for them when they came to pick up the baby?  if he isn't, it would be my hope that at least they are...I know you indicated that he said they weren't but he may have lied for some reason(?).

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Sat, 07-28-2012 - 3:06pm

How dreadful! How dramatic!  Shy, why is your sister in the hospital?  And does this father mean to take custody just until she's well again?  Did he previously show love and affection and interest in the child?

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sat, 07-28-2012 - 3:56pm
This is so messed up.

After all of the drama last night with his family saying my sister is unfit and he was going to sue for full custody, he called her this morning and told her he didn't want full custody and that she could come get the baby when she was released. He told her she could have full custody and he'd just visit when he could.

He also seemed to make it sound like we were the ones who started everything when in fact it was him and his family that started sending threatening texts and calling with accusations. It seemed like it was almost simultaneous that one aunt texted and another aunt called and they were together at the time. It's like they knew they would make my mom a mess and they did it on purpose. I don't think they were counting on me taking the phone and being level-headed. The aunt I talked to was dead set on keeping the baby until she was 18 and declaring my sister unfit. My stepdad also said that the dad told him he thought my sister was unfit (it's absolutely not true). So what he's telling my sister about giving the baby back could be another big fat lie.

I honestly wouldn't be surprised if either he or a family member takes her and doesn't let my sister have her. There was absolutely no reason for them to take the baby from us- a stable familiar environment- and put her into one where she didn't know her surroundings or the people around her. If they do take her, we can file kidnapping charges. Right now, we just wait.

Marina- she voluntarily checked herself into the hospital to get some psychiatric help. Initially she had to go because the police put her on a 96 hour psychiatric hold due to some texts she sent that could be taken as suicidal. The catalyst seems to be that he told her he cheated on her and that's when they got into a fight. She was throwing things, he held her down and while she was trying to get away she bit him. He called the police and they arrested her for domestic assault. He told my mom he wasn't filing charges, but she has a ticket and a court date so that doesn't make sense. She absolutely needed to be in the hospital, but so does he and she's the one getting help and he's not.

I sent my mom to work, basically telling her to get it together. She can't be all emotional in front of my sister or in public because it makes my sister upset and they could hold it against my sister if she appears mentally unstable.

Have I mentioned before that I really hate drama???

Cfk- did your brother end up with custody? It looks like it'll be fairly easy for my sister to get her back if they have to go through the courts. Since they were never married, the mother has full custody unless she's declared unfit.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Sat, 07-28-2012 - 4:40pm

Oh, geez!  What a drama!  And if there's blood drawn, I think the police HAVE to ticket it.

Sounds like your sister really needs a break.

 It's hard being a single mom for young unmarried women because they realize suddenly that their life will NEVER be the same.  I saw my ex's second wife's oldest daughter go through that - truly traumatic for these hapless girls.

I hope she levels out, gets rested and gets well. It is her duty to figure this out, not yours nor your mom's.  The baby will probably be fine, you know.  Sounds like they are at least sincerely concerned about her at some level.  

Wishing all of you peace! 

 

 

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sat, 07-28-2012 - 6:16pm

The only reason he didn't go for full custody is because the girls begged him to share custody with their mother.  I've had to edit this three times because I keep going off on tangents.  The basic thing is, the woman appears to be sane on paper because she's taught for 20+ years.  We suspect the cracks are beginning to show because she's had to change schools three times in the last three years. 

It's been five years since she left and she's still telling whomever will listen, that she was abused.  When she left, she left the girls with her "abuser".  She rarely spoke to or saw them for the first two years.  It was disgusting.  I think the only reason they wanted shared custody is because they hated her so much for leaving and spreading lies, that when she finally started adhering to the interim custody plan, she'd let them do whatever they wished so she could win them over.  This continues to this day.  The woman has not a single maternal bone in her body.   

I'm confused, where is the baby now?  It's possible that he's trying to throw you guys off so he can retain an attorney and set up a custody hearing but you never know...  If there is any way she can afford it, you might advise her to at least go and talk to someone...when does she get released? 

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sat, 07-28-2012 - 6:53pm
I'm not really sure where the baby is now. He came to get her last night around nine. He had three other people with him- two aunts and an uncle- and left. There really is no way he can care for her on his own. He works long hours and doesn't really know how to care for her. My best guess is that they took her to one of the aunt's houses and that's where she is now.

My sister isn't sure when she'll be released. When I talked to her, she said probably sometime next week, but that could be tomorrow or that could be Wednesday. She has to be there for at least four days, I believe, so I'm guessing Monday at the earliest.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2012
Sat, 07-28-2012 - 10:35pm

I haven't read any farther yet but peace be with you all.   Wow.  Always such a hard and ugly thing to deal with.

I really hope your sis is okay and you have good support to help YOU support everyone.

xoxo

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sun, 07-29-2012 - 1:24am
Thanks, Heather. I do have people I can talk to in addition to you guys here. I don't have anyone I can completely lean on, but I have people I can talk to. I spent a few hours at my best friend's house tonight talking to her. Her mother just died four months ago, though, so she's still emotional over that sometimes and I end up being her support as well. She knows my entire family history though and knows how high strung my mom is, so she gets why my mother is driving me crazy. There have been moments when I was worried my mom would have a mental breakdown.

I also have a friend from school who is divorcing her crazy, addicted husband who I can talk to. She's very familiar with custody issues, so she understands how upsetting it is. Right now, her ex could come take the kids and she couldn't do anything because a custody agreement isn't in place yet.

I'm going to try to get a good night's sleep tonight. I think I'm getting a sinus infection, though, so we'll see how that goes. I'm feeling particularly allergic to the cat at the moment, so that makes breathing hard.

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