Heart Transition: The End

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Heart Transition: The End
9
Wed, 07-25-2012 - 1:32am

I've gone through some kind of unconscious transformation in the last four days. Maybe it was my time out of town.  I realized deeply that I don't need or want to be with a man who doesn't need or want to be with me.

The SA is back in town for 2 days. I texted him "Welcome home" and when he texted back, "Thanks!  I really truly appreciate your friendship." I realized that there never is and never will be a relationship there.  And that's OK. I felt my longing for it drift away.

I also realized that waiting for the Hoarder's Husband until the last petal falls from the beautiful orchid is REALLY stupid.  And melodramatic.  

I talked to a gf who told me that her boyfriend's piece is STILL not functional, now 1 year after having chemo.  I said, "How in the WORLD are you enduring waiting for action?"  (He won't even touch her erotically in any way!)  She said, "If you stop having sex for a while, your body sort of forgets about it."  I'm thinking that if I throw out all my batteries AND I decline every date with someone who is only ho-hum for a few months or more, that perhaps my hormones won't push me into wrong arms and I'll be able to take some time to be choosier than I have been.

Does anyone know if that's true?  I once went almost seven months without sex and I thought I was going to die!  But that was 10 years ago or so.  Maybe I could do it now if I really focused on not focusing on it.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 07-26-2012 - 9:32pm

I think those physical needs have to be taken care of some way--otherwise it just builds up.  lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Wed, 07-25-2012 - 11:53pm

OK, well, this brings the situation to another question.  Do you think it only makes it worse to spend some quality time with a battery-operated boyfriend, or have you found that complete abstinence makes this easier?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
Wed, 07-25-2012 - 8:13pm

You know what really pisses me off is when you hear men say that WE as women don't think about sex as much as they do...well THAT is so much BS!!!! I think we think about sex just as much as they do BUT on differen levels...BUT we DO think about sex alot..I mean if I didn't then I wouldn't be wanting to find someone..BUT not just anyone BUT still...I think about it but I feel that we have a better way of keeping it under control....I"m just tired of hearing men say...and some women that MEN think about sex all the time..well damnit so do I but differently and there shouldn't be anything wrong with that..

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2012
Wed, 07-25-2012 - 6:40pm

I don't know if it's TRUE but the last time I had good sex was Thanksgiving.  I slept with someone else twice but it was so fast and so bad that I don't consider it sex.

I really don't think about it too much.  And this is the longest time in years that I've gone without.   I can't say that it's because  I am not having sex that I don't miss it, because I DO!

I had 6yrs of sex with whomever I wanted, if I wanted, some good, some really bad, some okay.  I just don't want that anymore.  

Guess I have had a heart transititon too.

I know I could go to any random drinking hole, flirt up some schmuck and get laid.   

And how embarrassing was it when my 12yo asked me why we were buying so many batteries?   LOL   

 

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Wed, 07-25-2012 - 6:27pm
I stopped keeping track of my last dry spell at two years. The desire does diminish, but it doesn't go away.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Wed, 07-25-2012 - 5:24pm

Unfortunately I am part of the I havent had sex group in a few years  if you dont count some foreplay last April ..

We have talked about this alot on this board and if I could have sex I would but no one is asking and well you guys know my story.

I just try not to think about it unless I see a hunky fireman or rub up against a cute guy somewhere..

Life sucks sometimes and then we die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
Wed, 07-25-2012 - 12:51pm

7 months without sex?really?that's all??well what about going ALMOST 1 yr without WHILE stil being in a relationship...yup..that was me and I can not even begin to tell you how that made me feel...I tried everything with that man and nothing...even just tohave an intimate evening without sex would have been great BUT no such thing...hey..don't give up on finding love...I thought that  I would give up on socializing BUT as of yesterday I realized that I will NOT give up on that and that I will meet someone who wants to be with me and appreciates me...It does get lonely though because we are only human BUT I'm 37 and I WANT to  live and not just go and die in a corner...I want tobe in a good relationship because I know that I deserve one! Just go out with friends and have a good time and it will happen...as long as you're OUT there being seen and NOT at home hiding away.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 07-25-2012 - 11:48am

Unfortunately for me I have not had sex in years since my last divorce and no it doesn't mean that I lost the desire--I find it comes & goes, maybe hormonal.  sometimes I don't think about it and some weeks I think about it a lot even when there is no man in the picture.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Wed, 07-25-2012 - 9:21am

 

'I'm thinking that if I throw out all my batteries AND I decline every date with someone who is only ho-hum for a few months or more, that perhaps my hormones won't push me into wrong arms and I'll be able to take some time to be choosier than I have been'

There is another way. Mininum doze of prozac or similar-acting newer anti-dep. Trust me! - it's true. :smileyhappy:

No, NO WAY!!  Don't do it - stay your real self...........