HELP!!!
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HELP!!!
| Wed, 08-30-2006 - 4:33pm |
I've been seeing this guy for 9 months; he has 2 kids and lives 2 hours away. I used to see him about twice a month (weekends) but that has dwindled recently. He has other obligations and I'm understanding of that but I keep thinking 'If he wants to be with you, he'd find time'. He claims he's trying to find time for us to be together but I don't know if I'm being naive by staying in this situation. Opinions?

well, it doesn't sound like he will propose tomorrow, but that doesn't mean he doesn't love you, or that you can't stay in your situation with him.
have you two talked about a future together? would he mind if you dated other people?
if i were in this situation, and the relationship wasn't solidly committed, i would probably try dating some other people while waiting to see what happened. that may not be the best advice, but having some other options sometimes helps me calm down about another situation, and, well, it gives me other options.
do you think that if you lived closer to this man you would be spending a lot of time together, or do you think he kind of prefers a little distance anyways? some men are like that, and then it just matters what you want and what you are looking for. if that's not it, then maybe you should think over your situation.
To me, it would depend on what the other obligations were and whether they were one time (or short term) things, or likely to continue on indefinitely. If the former, I'd wait and see what happens once those obligations are no longer there. If the latter, then I'd decide whether I could accept the situation as is, or not.
Sheri
I was thinking I should start seeing other people but I don't want to hurt his feelings or be dishonest. No, we haven't talked about a future but Yes, we are in a committed relationship. I'm sure he would mind if I dated other people. I've told him that I am very bothered by not being able to see him more regularly and he keeps saying he's trying. This is my first time in a situation like this so I don't want to over-react. But at the same time I don't want to be taken advantgae of either.
Your advice about seeing other people isn't bad at all by the way. Thanks for your input
I'd say follow your gut. If this is bothering you, it's likely to continue to bother you until something changes -- he suddenly becomes less busy, etc.
Talk with him first about your expectations. I think 9 months is a great point to have the 'where is this headed?' conversation. It will show him that you care about him, would like to try and make it work, but that you also have certain needs in a relationship.
One last point. We all have obligations. Now, I don't have kids, so I don't know first hand what goes along with that, but I do feel like there are ways to schedule and compromise to spend time with someone you care for in spite of those obligations.
AJ, enjoying life with C.