HELP!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
HELP!!!
25
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 4:40pm

Ok, met this guy online. Fantastic guy. Totally into me. Asked me to be exclusive within 2 weeks. Asked me to fly home with him to meet his parents. Wants to take me to his friends' wedding and introduce me to all of his friends. He's perfect. Except that he still had his online dating profile up. So I set up a fake profile to see if he was still dating girls from the site. He set up a date with my fake girl yesterday. Check this out:

Email to my friend:

So, I asked him about Match.com. He said that he reads the emails, but never responds to them. He said that he shouldn't have a profile any more and that he would take it down. He didn't want to have sex this morning because his penis was sore. I said I noticed last night that it was chaffed and asked why. He said too much masturbation. I did not ask if there was another girl - but keep reading. I asked about the panties I found pretty much right out in the open in his bedroom. He said that he wasn't sure whose they were but they must have been there for a while. I said that seems odd because I know his maid comes regularly. We've been together almost 2 monhts. He had no explanation. I asked if he'd been with anyone since we'd decided to be exclusive. He said no. I said he seemed like he was mad that I was asking these questions. HE SAID no, I had a right to ask those questions because I'M HIS GIRLFRIEND. I said I believed him and that I just needed to ask and I hoped he understood. I said I hope things wouldn't be weird because of those conversations and asked "we're fine, right?" he said yes. He walked me out to my car and I said, "I just want you to know that I like you very much." He said "I like you very much too." I said, "And I think we have great chemistry." HE SAID, "I THINK WE HAVE GREAT CHEMISTRY." He is planning to take me to his friend's wedding this weekend and wants me to meet his friends. Remember, this is the set-up.

Then I get into the office (the SAME morning, as in, immediately after the above conversation with me) and he's already emailed fake-girl. Here's what he said:

Hey, can we make it a little earlier tonite? I'm still jet-lagged and I was exhausted at 6 last night (still 10 hours ahead). Maybe 7:00?

Billy

Also, here's the item:

To: Fake Girl:

To answer your questions, I've met about 15 people in person over the course of about 8 months (I was on last year for about 4 months and I went back on about 4 months ago -- I'll explain tomorrow). All have been very nice but just NO CHEMISTRY. And they never look like their pictures! I HAVE NOT DATED ANYONE I'VE MET so no success stories yet. And you?

Billy

Then, to be even more contradictory, he took down his profile, just like he told me he would!!!

SO, HERE'S THE QUESTION - How to handle this "date" he has tonight. Show up and confront him? Let him think he got stood up? If I do that, do I confront him (which includes admitting I was the fake girl) or do I just let it go - is this his one last date? I've been guilty of that. I need a strategy. HELP!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2005
In reply to: lobster_girl
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 9:29pm

This ought to be interesting.

I'm in favor of the drink pouring over the head bit with dramatic exit ensuing ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
In reply to: lobster_girl
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 12:01am

Lobster_girl,

I live in Australia so too late to give you suggestions ... damn time difference! I miss out on all the good stuff :-( Hope things went as planned and PLEASE update us as to what happened.

Feisty

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: lobster_girl
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 12:09am

That's just too much drama for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
In reply to: lobster_girl
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 3:59am
You say he is a "fantastic guy" that is "totally into you" and decide to become exclusive with him within two weeks because he is "perfect". But now you are devising an elaborate scheme to expose him as a fraud? I seriously question your judgement. This childish plan to humiliate him may make you feel better but I think you need to take a deeper look inside yourself. What made you so gullible in the first place?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
In reply to: lobster_girl
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 10:55am

"What made you so gullible in the first place?"

I sooo take offense to this. Why is it that when a man and women begin dating and things then turn ugly because it later becomes clear that the man has either led the woman on, lied, cheated or betrayed, it is then turned around on the woman as to how she fell for it, believed it, or allowed it to happen? Why are we pointing a finger at the person who fell victim, because she didn't figure it out sooner? Because she actually believed he was genuine up to a point? Because she was a good enough person that she though he was a good person too.

Is the solution to this to NEVER trust a man's word? To stay suspicious onto a certain period of time? People lie all the time.

Why does she have to take a deep look at herself, when it was the guy that chose to lie decieve and attempted to cheat?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2006
In reply to: lobster_girl
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 11:32am
I'm going to have to agree with cl214 on this. The guy should have been honest with her. You don't lead someone and take no thought for their emotions.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: lobster_girl
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 11:34am

I was thinking the same thing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2006
In reply to: lobster_girl
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 12:39pm
I agree with cl214 for the most part, but I think he also had a problem with the way she decided to deal with it. By making a scene, etc. I think he deserves it to an extent, though.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: lobster_girl
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 12:45pm

I don't think it's about what he deserved.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
In reply to: lobster_girl
Fri, 07-21-2006 - 2:51am

Are you suggesting that it doesn't ring warning bells when someone you meet through online dating wants to be exclusive within two weeks? Perhaps I should have said naive instead of gullible.

I would expect that all this "trickery" would be done *BEFORE* you think someone is perfect. That would make sense to me. Why would you set up a fake profile to test someone out if you already think they are perfect and decide to become exclusive? Either you trust someone or you don't. Simple.

It's exactly like I read somewhere: People put much more effort into buying a car than they do in choosing the right partner.