HELP!!!
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| Tue, 07-18-2006 - 4:40pm |
Ok, met this guy online. Fantastic guy. Totally into me. Asked me to be exclusive within 2 weeks. Asked me to fly home with him to meet his parents. Wants to take me to his friends' wedding and introduce me to all of his friends. He's perfect. Except that he still had his online dating profile up. So I set up a fake profile to see if he was still dating girls from the site. He set up a date with my fake girl yesterday. Check this out:
Email to my friend:
So, I asked him about Match.com. He said that he reads the emails, but never responds to them. He said that he shouldn't have a profile any more and that he would take it down. He didn't want to have sex this morning because his penis was sore. I said I noticed last night that it was chaffed and asked why. He said too much masturbation. I did not ask if there was another girl - but keep reading. I asked about the panties I found pretty much right out in the open in his bedroom. He said that he wasn't sure whose they were but they must have been there for a while. I said that seems odd because I know his maid comes regularly. We've been together almost 2 monhts. He had no explanation. I asked if he'd been with anyone since we'd decided to be exclusive. He said no. I said he seemed like he was mad that I was asking these questions. HE SAID no, I had a right to ask those questions because I'M HIS GIRLFRIEND. I said I believed him and that I just needed to ask and I hoped he understood. I said I hope things wouldn't be weird because of those conversations and asked "we're fine, right?" he said yes. He walked me out to my car and I said, "I just want you to know that I like you very much." He said "I like you very much too." I said, "And I think we have great chemistry." HE SAID, "I THINK WE HAVE GREAT CHEMISTRY." He is planning to take me to his friend's wedding this weekend and wants me to meet his friends. Remember, this is the set-up.
Then I get into the office (the SAME morning, as in, immediately after the above conversation with me) and he's already emailed fake-girl. Here's what he said:
Hey, can we make it a little earlier tonite? I'm still jet-lagged and I was exhausted at 6 last night (still 10 hours ahead). Maybe 7:00?
Billy
Also, here's the item:
To: Fake Girl:
To answer your questions, I've met about 15 people in person over the course of about 8 months (I was on last year for about 4 months and I went back on about 4 months ago -- I'll explain tomorrow). All have been very nice but just NO CHEMISTRY. And they never look like their pictures! I HAVE NOT DATED ANYONE I'VE MET so no success stories yet. And you?
Billy
Then, to be even more contradictory, he took down his profile, just like he told me he would!!!
SO, HERE'S THE QUESTION - How to handle this "date" he has tonight. Show up and confront him? Let him think he got stood up? If I do that, do I confront him (which includes admitting I was the fake girl) or do I just let it go - is this his one last date? I've been guilty of that. I need a strategy. HELP!!

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SO WHAT HAPPENED??!!?? All of this started on July 18th, and the OP seemed to be in a hurry as in it's-going-to-happen-today. Given that today is July 21st, what happened on the fake date?
By the way, while this does seem a bit dramatic, I'm in total agreement with the strategy. I'm not sure I'd go through with it in a public place, but I'd have set it up to where it went down in or around his apartment. Just be forewarned, your actions could have some consequences, so I'd make sure you were properly protected.
Hey, Hal. While I appreciate you taking the time to respond to me, I inadvertantly hit "reply" to your message. What I meant to do was post my question to the original poster. My question was meant for Lobstergirl.
So, lobstergirl (or anyone who might know the result of this situation), what happened after all???
"Are you suggesting that it doesn't ring warning bells when someone you meet through online dating wants to be exclusive within two weeks? Perhaps I should have said naive instead of gullible."
I honestly don't look at wanting to be exclusive early on as a huge warning sign, but that could be because I'd rather be exclusive even early on and have done so in the past.
With my last relationship, my ex knew he wanted to be with me the moment he saw me. He pursued me for a few weeks until I finally agreed to a date, then pestered me until I agreed to be his exclusive girlfriend. This all happened within 4 weeks and we went on to date for 8 years. So maybe I'm naive, but if I feel strongly about a guy right away, I have no qualms with getting exclusive that soon (I haven't had any luck getting any guy to want to be exclusive but that's another boring thread).
As for her "trickery", I assume that something tipped her off and she had to investigate it. But if the guy is saying and doing all the right things from the beginning, I think many of us would fall for it as well. I'd hate to think I have to date with the mindset that every single guy I meet is a lying, cheating a**hole until proven otherwise.
>So maybe I'm naive, but if I feel strongly about
>a guy right away, I have no qualms with getting
>exclusive that soon
Perhaps this highlights the point I am trying to make. Women (it seems) are willing to become exclusive with a man based on how sexually attracted they are to him. There is no other way to explain why you would eagerly accept exclusivity so soon. I think it also explains why you took offence to what I wrote in a previous post and why I so often read stories from women about “perfect men” who later turn out to be “rats”. It seems all it takes is for a man to look at you with his dreamy bedroom eyes and say “Hey baby, you’re the only woman for me baby, you can trust me baby, let’s be exclusive...baby”. But it isn’t so much the exclusivity because I only date one woman at a time. I suppose it’s your willingness to accept that you are in a relationship with a perfect man without really knowing anything about him.
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