HELP!

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
HELP!
11
Sat, 11-16-2013 - 6:08pm

My mother bumped into an old high school/church friend from way on back, like 20 years back.  His parents go to church with mine and he hits and misses.  He told her he was going to call me.  Um, well he just did, three times, with about ten minutes between each call.  The last time he called, he finally left a message . . . uhhhh . . . the first thing he said was:  "If you're there please pick up."  Who does that?  I haven't seen or heard from this guy in 20 years.  That's the kind of thing you do when you're dating or calling a close friend, am I wrong?  I swear, from the tone in his voice, I almost wondered if my parents had been in some horrible accident or something . . . he went on to say that he just wanted to catch up and to give him a call.  Aside from the three calls in a row, and the "pick up the phone" thing, we have NOTHING in common.  I know this because I helped my mom set up a facebook account last year and I saw his feed on her wall.  I don't want to not return his call because I don't want to be rude.  However, I am terrified he's going to ask me to dinner or something.  I am not interested in rekindling a (very brief) friendship from 20 years ago.  What in the hell do I do?  I'm thinking I could just oblige if he wants to get together, but then I think well if I do it once, what if he keeps asking?  LOL.  I'm the kind of girl who likes to go grab a beer at a bar.  He's tightly wound, uber religious and a flamboyant republican.  I know I'm stereotyping and am probably coming off as not being very nice but I'm a realist.  We have nada in common. 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2006
In reply to: cfk_3
Mon, 11-18-2013 - 10:02am
Cfk, sorry but i honestly dont understand where the problem is here?? Why dont you just ignore his calls?? If the man in question is absolutely not your cup of tea (or your beer as we say here in Germany :) ?? Why waste mental energy on someone you barely know and dont have any interest in?? Spare it for the ones you DO find appealing!!
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
In reply to: cfk_3
Sun, 11-17-2013 - 1:15pm

I talked to her about it last night.  I told her the whole strange sequence of events, that I wasn't calling him back and to not encourage any further contact.  I told her not to mention it if he doesn't and if he does, to just act as if she knows nothing.  LOL, she started in with, well I'll just say . . . and I said, no, you say nothing, haha.  God love her, she means well ;)

It wasn't until this AM that I started second guessing myself.  I am still waffling.  I just can't leave him hanging.  You know what's weird?  He wasn't socially awkward in high school.  I was - still am to a degree.  I just try to embrace it ;)  If we were all perfect Emily Posts this world would be a boring place.  Most people fake it anyway - or are on medication, right?  Why not be authentic?  While I AM an awkward dork, what I don't do is call people three times in a row in an age of caller ID.  I think I'm just going to have to get over that, be polite and return the call.  Just keep your fingers crossed that I can get through the convo gracefully and successfully bow out of any offers to get together.       

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: musiclover12
Sun, 11-17-2013 - 12:19pm

I would be leaning toward calling him back but I would not say that you want to get together.  Either say you are very busy now or if you have the nerve (which I probably wouldn't) just say you're not interested in getting together.  I think I'd call your mom & ask if she gave him your number and tell her that the 2 of you are so different that you have no interest in him and you don't want to get together.  I do think if you go with him once, then he'll continue to bother you as he doesn't seem to know how to behave normally socially.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
In reply to: cfk_3
Sun, 11-17-2013 - 10:08am

Trenner, thanks for the feedback.  I wouldn't care if this guys parents and my parents weren't friends of 25 years.  I would have called him back probably as soon as he left the message, had he only called once.  It was the way he called that made me pause.  I think I'll call this afternoon and just keep the conversation brief.  If he tries to make plans I think I'll just say something along the lines of it being the holidays, yada ya . . . maybe we can get together after or something.  Or hell, I may even just meet up with him and get it over with, but it will be for drinks and if he doesn't like it he can go scratch, tee-hee.   

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
In reply to: cfk_3
Sun, 11-17-2013 - 9:58am
You should add the flags of Switzerland and Canada to go along with the red flags this guy already has. Three calls within a brief period of time to an almost stranger is a bad warning of how things would go with him, the rest of the story only makes it worse. This guy's problems are not your problems, don't cater to him. Any attention to him will only get his hopes up and make things far worse for you to back out of.
 
Your mom can give the standard line to him that you are too busy to even keep contact with the friends you have now. And leave it at that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
In reply to: cfk_3
Sun, 11-17-2013 - 3:27am
Cfk, you must lead a very sheltered kind of life if this situation presents a problem. You are 40, not 14, am I right? Tell your mother to b*** out of your life, very politely of course, and ignore the stupid phone calls. Problem solved.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
In reply to: cfk_3
Sun, 11-17-2013 - 1:35am

cfk_3 wrote:
<p>.  He told her he was going to call me.  Um, well he just did, three times, with about ten minutes between each call.  The last time he called, he finally left a message . . . uhhhh . . . the first thing he said was:  "If you're there please pick up."  Who does that?...  What in the hell do I do?  I'm thinking I could just oblige if he wants to get together, but then I think well if I do it once, what if he keeps asking?  LOL.  I'm the kind of girl who likes to go grab a beer at a bar.  He's tightly wound, uber religious and a flamboyant republican.  I know I'm stereotyping and am probably coming off as not being very nice but I'm a realist.  We have nada in common. </p>

It was weird how he called you. That is a red flag to me. Normally, in this situation, a person calls once, leaves a polite message, and waits a bit. If he called you in a normal fashion, I would have said go and meet up with him once. You also indicate he has a history of awkward behavior. In light of this, I'd call him back--at a time when he is unlikely to pick up--and leave a message that work is insanely busy for you. Then, just ignore any subsequent calls and let your parents know of the creepy way he contacted you.

I would call him back--once--so you're not seen as rude. Also, this type of guy will likely continue to call you if he doesn't hear anything back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2013
In reply to: cfk_3
Sat, 11-16-2013 - 10:18pm

I would call him back, listen to him, and if he asks you out, tell him you're in a relationship and think it's inappropriate to get together with people of the opposite sex, even as friends. If he says your mother said you were single, tell him you don't tell your mother all of your business. Then tell your mom what you told him. I don't know how he got your number, but if your mother gave it to him without your permission, then it's her fault for the awkwardness.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
In reply to: cfk_3
Sat, 11-16-2013 - 7:23pm

The only obligation I feel is, the next time he sees my mother and tells her that he called, asked me to call him back and I never did . . . what is she giong to say?  I don't want her to be put on the spot.  Another thing tugging at me is, I have gone through some lows and I know he just lost his job with the state.  He's an engineer, this is the second job he's been laid off from . . . What if he's feeling down and needs someone to talk to?    

I forgot to add, he had a crush on me for the first couple of months after we met.  Skip down the road almost ten years later, I was in a serious LTR.  He showed up at my house and my BF was there . . . talk about awkward.  Instead of staying for a few and leaving, he stuck around for over an hour.   

I have a sneaky suspicion my mother is behind all of this . . . as I felt back then when he just showed up, unannounced(she didn't really care for my BF).  

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2013
In reply to: cfk_3
Sat, 11-16-2013 - 6:45pm

If there is nothing in common then I personally I woudnt call him back. And it's not really rude of you if you don't. just act as if you never got the calls that's what I would do anyways only because well it's a little creepy that he called you so may times in a row and how he started off his message. but that's just me 

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