Help about to give up

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Help about to give up
4
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 8:41am

Hi there,

I'm new to the board and wondered if anyone can help me.

I met this guy 4 months ago only a month after breaking up with my ex. My ex was a control freak and very possesive and cheated on me. I finally had the chance to break free from him so did.

Anyway met the new guy and he is lovely. Everything my ex wasn't, we click so much and have the most fun and have been seeing each other regulary ever since. When we first met we both said we didn't want a relationship (he'd broken up from his first ever gf last xmas) and wanted some fun.

I didn't think we would become so close, he mails, texts everyday all day and it's great to have someone to have a laugh with and chat to that really gets me.

Anyway about a month ago I was still getting abusive calls from my ex and it was really screwing my head up. I ended up pushing the new guy away by being really arsy and saying look it's been 3 months we either get it together properly or I'm not doing this anymore.

He totally backed off after this and he'd still contact me every day but there was no flirting anymore. Last week I told him everything about my ex and said I was so sorry for being horrible to him etc etc and that was why I had been so horrible as the ex wouldn't take no for an answer that I wouldn't get back with him.

Me and the new guy have gotten really close again and we're back to speaking everyday all day. The thing is I'm about to give up as he never asks me out and I get the feeling he only wants me for sex. This would be fine if he only ever contacted me for sex but he feels the need to speak to me all day everyday so really we are having a relationship. I haven't slept with him for a month because I don't want to feel used but he's still talking to me.

The thing is I know if I mention it to him he'll say he doesn't want a relationship (yes I know when I guy says this it means with you!) but I don't know if I should just walk away and ignore him or stay on good terms as we get on so so well it'd be a shame to waste it. Shall I just back off and tell him I only want to be friends with him and that's it?

Any advice would be great

Thanks

Angelic xx

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 9:17am
You need to do what makes you happy. Obviously, a half-hearted relationship with this guy isn't doing the trick. Be honest and talk to him. He may feel like he's gotten some mixed messages from you with all you've been through lately, so talking to him might help clear the air. You just came out of a pretty intense break-up, so maybe you just need some time with yourself, as well.
Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2005
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 2:50pm
He obviously doesn't want a relationship but wants you as a friend with benefits. You can humor him everyday get sex once in a while and all the while he doesn't have to take you out and be free to see whoever he wants. I would set him free by not returning his calls/texts as frequently and I'm sure he will get the picture.
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Pregnancy ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2005
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 3:30pm

What's in it for you? To me it sounds like a shallow relationship. I agree with the other posters.

Check out Mr. Answer Man board & post there to get their opinions too.

Good luck & keep coming back :)

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 6:35pm

Are you continuing to date others?