Help! Can't Get Over the Ex!
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| Mon, 08-06-2007 - 8:59am |
So I'm sure a few of you know I broke up with my former beau Jay back in May after I realized itr was clear he wasn't into me and that his feelings for me weren't progressing, though mine were.
Well, I have tried to throw myself into dating to move on and meet someone deserving, but every guy I've met has been such a huge disappointment that it just makes me miss Jay and want him back even more. Every guy. They seem really cool at first then something comes up or reveals itself and only makes Jay look so much better.
I knmow I did the right thing by not holding onto to a guy not holding on back but every guy I meet makes Jay seem like a better and better catch and is screwing with my head visciously. He had everything going on and everything I want and he doesn't want me anymore. I feel like I've screwed myself but I thought, and still believe it was the right thing.
If it was, why do I feel like the loser? Why do the new men I meet make me feel like I've lost out? Why is it that no one even comes close to how great I feel Jay is?
Why??????????

Jay was not everything you want.
You're right. Personality-wise, I adored him, he was just like me. But relationship-wise, I felt like he put me on the back burner and made me feel inadequate. I do need to continue reminding myself of that.
And I've made about a dozen lists on why I can't be with him. I need to carry them around all the time.
I guess I'm just not over him or my feelings but I feel like I won't get over him til I meet someone new. Its like a never ending cycle.
This sucks, I swear. I was so much happier before I even liked boys.
Ya know, I've always got the feeling from you that you don't feel "worthy" unless there's a guy in your life.
"Ya know, I've always got the feeling from you that you don't feel "worthy" unless there's a guy in your life. I know that you try to keep busy, but what about just being with yourself for awhile? Don't even date, don't think about dating, don't look at men, don't even THINK about men!! It's almost like a weight is lifted from your shoulders.
Take some time just to be with yourself. Be lazy, take up a solo hobby or something. Just try to be comfortable with you."
While I think its good advice and believe me, I HATE this dating game and really want out, I'm the type of person that really needs to feel emotionally connected to someone. I need close, emotional bonds with people to really feel fulfilled and since I don't really have the family or friends who are there in that capacity, I look for it romantically. I understand it sets myself up for constant failure but no matter how much I love myself or keep busy pursuing new things, I always feel the void. The huge hole that something big is missing tha tmakes me feel ultimately happy.
You wouldn't believe how much I'm into right now, I'm starring as the lead in an indie film, modeling, working part-time promos, thinking of joining either flag football or kickball this fall, writing short stories, a screenplay and poems and I belong to 7 social groups to keep out of the house.
Yet, this still nags the hell out of me. And I'm getting worse and worse at supressing it.
I know, there are no easy answers or solutions. It just is the way it is. Thanks for the concern though.
Yeah, I believe you are right. I went out with 4 guys this summer (just ended it with one this weekend) and while they have been sweet guys, they've only made me miss the ex 5x more.
Usually it is a new guy that gets me over the next but this time I don't think its working. Guess I do need a long break.
If you're comparing every new guy to your ex, then you're not to date yet. You need to get to the point of accepting that Jay wasn't right for you before dating will make sense. And he can't be right for you if you had good reasons for ending it, which it sounds like you did.
Using a new guy to try to get over your ex is a recipe for disaster. It's like building a house on a faulty foundation--there's no way it's going to last or be healthy.
Sheri
That adage time heals all wounds is true.
I read the book "It's a break-up because it's broken" written by the same guy that wrote he's just not that into you.
Here's a support board too:
http://www.randomhouse.com/broadway/breakup/breakup_advice.htm
Here's info about the book:
It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken
The Smart Girl's Break-Up Buddy
There’s no doubt about it—breakups suck. But in the first few hours or days or weeks that follow, there’s one important truth you need to recognize: Some things can’t and shouldn’t be fixed, especially that loser who dumped you or forced you to dump him. It���s over for a reason, and deep down inside you probably know what that reason is. It’s called a breakup because it’s broken, and starting today, you’re not the kind of woman who settles for broken, or hangs on to damaged goods, be it a radio, a pair of shoes, or a relationship. It’s time to get rid of all the broken stuff you’ve been lugging around for days, months, and maybe even years, and make the bold decision to start looking for stuff that works! Because the longer you stay stuck in a dead-end relationship, the less time you get on this planet to experience a great one. So open up this book, and let’s dive in—our goal is to help you turn your breakup into the event that changes your life for the better in ways you never dreamed possible. It’s not an end, it’s a beginning! It's not an end, it's a beginning! After all . . . you are a Superfox.
It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken is the ultimate survival guide to getting over Mr. Wrong and reclaiming your inner Superfox. From how to put yourself through “he-tox,” to how to throw yourself a kick-ass pity party, Greg and Amiira share their hilarious and helpful roadmap for getting past the heartache and back into the game. They give advice on:
• Why you shouldn’t call him—and what he’s thinking when you do
• How to keep your friends and not lose your job
• How to avoid breakup pitfalls: IMing, stalking, having sex with your ex
• Reframing reality—seeing the relationship for what it was
• How to transform yourself into a hot, happening Superfox and get a jump on the better, brighter future that awaits
It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken gives you everything you need to get over him and make the right decisions along the way. Complete with an essential workbook to help you put the crazy down on paper and not take it out into the world, this is a straight-talking, spot-on, must-have manual for finding your way back to an even more rocking you.
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