Help! What do we talk about?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2003
Help! What do we talk about?
2
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 3:39pm
Hi everyone! I'm new here and I need some advice. I've been "seeing" this guy for a few weeks now and I really like him. I put seeing in quotes because we're trying to do the "friends first" thing...it's a long story. Anyway, we've gone out several times and we talk on the phone a lot. When we're on the phone, we usually talk for 2 or 3 hours. We have a lot of fun, but we can't seem to get over those annoying awkward pauses. Neither of us wants to get off the phone, but we have trouble thinking about something to talk about so we usually have a little "play" argument about whose turn it is to come up with a topic. I have more of a connection with this guy than probably any other guy I've dated, so it's not like we have nothing in common or we have no chemistry. So, what can we talk about? I'd like to have a few topics in mind so the next time there's a weird pause, I'm armed with a topic. I don't want it to seem like I'm interviewing him though. We've covered a lot of the usual stuff...family, friends, hobbies, past relationships. Any suggestions?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 5:08pm
What I would do - keep the phone calls to 3 times a week, 15 minutes tops - you will learn more being with him - his body language, how he treats others, etc - you are running out of things to say because most people don't talk that long at one time even when out on a date. It also increases the fantasy image each of you have of the other. Things to talk about - articles from the New Yorker, the Onion or similar publications, short and cute work anecdotes, etc. but if there is nothing to talk about hang up - much better to leave him wanting more than to feel like you stopped talking because you ran out of topics - (and yes it says this in The Rules as well and I think it's wise). Also find out what he is interested in - when I was dating my ex bf I learned lots about art, opera, country music, photography, lighting design, gilbert and sullivan theater, etc. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 6:50pm
Agree with Deena...and to add, the best way to get to know someone is to do things together. The talking follows naturally from that. Sharing each other's interests is a great way to build a friendship. I am currently teaching my guy about hockey - he lets me talk about it continuously thru-out the game. And during the intermissions, I let him teach me his video games. It brings us closer together.

But it sounds like you two know what you are doing - good luck!