He's getting married

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2006
He's getting married
18
Thu, 10-18-2007 - 5:14am

I had that gut feeling today, you know the one?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Thu, 10-18-2007 - 9:13am

I can understand how hard it is to see that your first love and someone you cared so much about has moved on and you are still somewhat stuck. But constantly looking at his page, inquiring about him, or staying stuck in the past engrossed in what he is doing does not help you to move on with your own life. If you are feeling stuck maybe you should consider going into some short term counseling, sometimes you need that to help you move forward.


Hang in there. Things will get better.


Smile,

Deirdre

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2001
Thu, 10-18-2007 - 11:42am

I am soo sorry you are going thru this.

Soliel
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Thu, 10-18-2007 - 12:06pm

I feel your pain.


Only one year aftre my ex and I broke up, he got married. He proposed only 6 months after we broke up and we were together 8 years. S ohis new wife still hasn't been with him as long or knows as much about him as I do. But I found out almost accidently.


Best thing to do is never, ever do any searched on exes that mean something to do. It's almost always a guarantee that you've discover something hurtful. Just don't ever go looking.


And I'm sorry that this hurts you. I've been there. (((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2006
Thu, 10-18-2007 - 1:25pm
I've been in lurk mode for quite a while, but I wanted to come out and give you hugs! I had this happen to me a few years ago. I dated a guy for five years and he just couldn't pull the trigger and get married. I ended things because of his indecision and less than a year later he married his much younger secretary. I found out by accident through friends as well and it pretty much sucked. I am also pretty sure that he began seeing her before we ended because he knew things with us were coming to a head. But here's the thing, his getting married to another woman had nothing to do with me. And I suspect that your ex getting married has nothing to do with you. He could be getting married for a number of reasons. He could have been heartbroken over losing your relationship and he is marrying the first chick to come along. You never know, so don't assume you were rejected because it could be something completely different.

Also you are much better off if he was cheating on you. No one wants to the heartbroken wife wondering around a big old empty house wonder what skirt her husband is chasing today.

I was very lucky that about a year after my ex was married I received the best validation I could ever had gotten and through that I realized I already had closure that I didn't even know I had. My ex showed back up on my doorstep because he was miserable with his new wife, he he'd made a mistake and he wanted to know if he got divorced would I take him back. Once he said it, I immediately knew that I would never take him back because our time had passed; it was done. I also found out that he proposed to her when they were both drunk and she took him seriously. The next morning when they sobered up he didn't have the b*lls to tell her that he'd only said because he was drunk. Like I said, you never know the circumstances.

Keep your chin up and work on getting closure for yourself.

Hugs,
YG

http://twodatediva.blogspot.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Thu, 10-18-2007 - 1:58pm

I think there's an element of having the person frozen in time in your memory - and I think that's more true for people who aren't in contact with the ex (like me). I know that, when I think of my ex, I remember him with me -- the places we visited together, the things we discussed, the times we shared. Looking at old photos just solidifies that.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2001
Thu, 10-18-2007 - 4:34pm

Wow, all of your stories have touched me.

Soliel
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2006
Sun, 10-21-2007 - 4:04pm

Thanks so much for your (and all the others) great reply.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2001
Sun, 10-21-2007 - 4:57pm

My ex dumped me while traveling in Europe.

Soliel
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2006
Sun, 10-21-2007 - 5:02pm

I think traveling is a wonderful idea!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2007
Tue, 10-23-2007 - 11:27pm

I can definitely relate to your issue. I was with somone for 5 years and we were engaged. I let him go because he only wanted to be boyfriend/girlfriend. He didn't want to be married or have kids. The thing that helped me get over him was:


1)Stop talking about him!The more you talk about him, old memories come up in the present! And you get down and out thinking about these old memories. Its like a poison. Talking about this over and over again is depressing!


2)Destroy all of his pitcures,and anything you have that reminds you of him.


3)Get professional help. Its been 2 years. That's too long to be thinking about an ex, and how wrong he did you. A therapist can help you get past this.


4)Make a list of all your accomplishments and compliments. For example, you could say: I am whole and complete.


5)Surround yourself around your family,friends, house of worship. Be around people who uplift you.


6)Pursue your goals and dreams!Traveling sounds like a good start.


Letting my ex go was very hard. But it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me! I fell in love with a wonderful person! Myself! Once you think and feel highly of yourself, you will attract the right man. We as women, need to learn how to pick our selves up and move on. We hold on too long. Men get married to someone else the month after a breakup. They have learned how to move on and get over quickly.


I hope and pray for the best for you!


hotcarmel


Chelle-

Amour-Propre

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