He's interested, what should I do?
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| Tue, 07-17-2007 - 4:09am |
Okay....I know I JUST posted about a guy who I went on a date with the other night who I was not attracted to but got along with GREAT! Well now here's the thing...
I just went to defensive driving tonight and there was this HOT guy there. He is tall, buff, and goes to the university I just graduated from. I didn't talk to him, but it was a comedy defensive driving class so the facilitator was talking to all of us and that is how I got this information. ANYWAYS.....he kept looking at me and SMILING at me the whole night. When we left for the evening he was parked behind me and we both kept checking each other out on the way to our cars. Tomorrow we have one more class. I'm wondering if he is just holding off because we have one more class and he can ask me out then??? I don't think he's shy because he kept smiling at me EVERY time I looked at him. Should I wait for him to approach me? What if he doesn't? I mean, I gave him AMPLE reason to think I was interested and all he did was look at me and smile and keep checking to see if I was looking on the way to my car?!?!?! How should I approach him? Is he a player? He didn't seem to be checking any other girls out and there were some other cute girls there. He seems like an athletic but laid back kinda guy, he got a ticket for running a stop sign on campus on his bike! And his car had all these "Watch for cyclists" stickers on it. So I really think he is laid back and cool. In my past I've been very forward with guys but for some reason he makes me nervous. He gave me this BIG smile after I talked to the host and I just smiled back and was so nervous afterwards that I was just fidgeting. Should I make a move or see what he does????

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I think you may be right that he's waiting until the last class to ask you out.
I agree that it's always better if the guy does the asking. He should know you are interested because you've smiled back. But I see no harm in striking up a conversation with him, see where that goes. If he doesn't ask you out, then perhaps he's just the friendly type and already has a girlfriend.
I have always regretted being the initiator with men. By initiator, I mean suggesting we get together or calling them. I just don't do that anymore. If a man is interested, he will call.
Well, he's certainly attracted to you. No doubt about that. Just wait and see if he's interested enough to ask you out. He could be just a flirtatious, friendly type of guy. If so, just be friendly and that's it. He may have a girlfriend. But if he's REALLY interested, and available, he'll ask you out. No doubt in my mind that he wouldn't. Why wouldn't he, if you've been giving him all of the signals like eye contact and smiles?
You can also strike up a conversation with him too and see if he takes the bait. If he doesn't, just move on.
Whoa, whoa, calm down! :) I'm only teasing. :)
Anyway, I think you should just wait and see what happens, but talk to him SOMEHOW...else you'll just be kicking yourself.
Another side note, I'm sure you're not since you barely know this guy, but don't write off the other guy just yet either...maybe an attraction will build and you'll just get along better. It just reminds me of all the times we (some of us) complain about being looked over in favor of "hot" girls. Just my two cents.
""but don't write off the other guy just yet either""
I disagree, do guy one a favor and drop it now. You clearly are not interested, why waste his time and risk hurting him for nothing more than an effort to relive some boredom for yourself? Would you want to be the hopeful girl when the guy you liked was actively, enthuseastaly perusing any random 'hot" girl so quickly and energetically? The "energy" level in this post formed my thought. I think you are wasting guy one's time, if you like him at all show him the respect of not leading him on. No one likes to be the "old stand by" until "anything better" comes along. Do you like it when guys treat you that way.
Reverse the post and pretend it had been me talking about two girls . . .how many girls would have written this basic response? It is a simple matter of respect if the guy is nice at all. Post one had zero energy compared to this, guy 1 is "better than nothing for the moment". I don't see that changing. Without long explanation, what would convince me it could change for guy one is missing in both posts.
That all being said, good luck with guy 2, and if it does not work out, at least you know what you are looking for. (-:
There is absolutely no reason not to give the first guy a second date.
Besides, the second guy has nothing more going for him at the moment than a hot body and flirty attitude. That may be enough for a lot of men, but it's not for most women. He could be a complete and total dud. He could be married. He could be gay!
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To the contrary, if I was guy one and was aware of the feelings she had, I would walk. I require and offer more depth. It is my feeling the first post was someone looking for an excuse, any excuse to do a second date. (Zero energy) Gee, I guess I will go out with him again. . . . . (Don't do him any favors, if I knew it was attached to such lack of enthusiasm I would not offer the second date.)
The fact is as I read these two strings, I saw the "guy" you just described in your response to me . . . she is still skin deep. Energy says a lot. Read the enthusiasm, not the words. She is almost in a panic about the second day of the class, and to your point, he has not even spoken and she is already seeing a "loss". "What do I do, what do I do . .. lol) This is energy attached 100% to the "Hot" factor that she clearly stated she preferred in the first post as well.
I frankly am dropping all the PC language we all say to feel good about ourselves from her words and simply looking at the clear difference in interest and energy levels. It is the Sun vs. the Moon to me . . .
Good looks are around every corner, and I am frankly assuming this same energy will go into every other "hot" guy who is "buff" and can smile and possibly even speak. If we are talking "guy" and not girl, that is a player and shy, you would not want to be dating him, would you? ((-:
Sorry kid, just the way I read it. (-:
To OP . .. I am not trying to be mean, I am just saying be honest with yourself, and then in turn with the guy is all. As a guy, if I am guy one, have read both strings . . I don't ask for date two. That's just me. I want to be with people that are at least equally as interested in me. Doesn't make me right, just my style kid. If I am reading this wrong . . .well it would not be the first time I made a mistake. (-: What do YOU think? Am I off base with what I see?
But she doesn't have any "feelings" toward the second guy.
Maybe a second date with the first guy would be pointless. But maybe it wouldn't. All I'm saying is that first impressions aren't always correct, and if I'd want a guy to give me a second chance (because I often don't get that giddy feeling on a first date or impression), then I'd at least advocate for men to get the same consideration.
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I fully agree, no down side for her. He may be subject to uninformed risk. (-:
I don't rate high on the "hot" bar . .well you have seen my pic in the past. (-: Again, role reversal, "he" is going to stray if "his" behavior and attraction around "hot" is that intense. You girls are not so different. It is not a gender thing, it is a maturity thing, ehhh . .. . even that is not 100% true. Some people never get past hot. Just is what it is. Just a very visual personality. It gets the reaction it gets. That is not bad or good, if anything it can be limiting in my eyes . . .but whatever.
I want that second chance too . . . sometimes. (-: You would never "settle" for something, right? That is the standard for me, I refuse to be settled for. It is not necessary, for all of the people who would not be caught dead with me, there are still lots of people who would be very happy with me. I'll wait for that. Even if it is a simple excitement for a 2nd date. I still say based on the "energy" in this one . . interest in guy 1 was so low it required a lift. Interest in Guy 2 was so high "loss" was a concern. That is powerful, it says a lot. If guy two never asks her out, it will be guy 3, 4 , 5 etc . . . it is the place her interest lies.
I would be interested in the OP's response on this exchange. I am guessing we are each a little right . . (-:
I don't know if I agree with your response. Here is my side to it I guess. I only went on ONE date with the other guy so I'm keeping my options open. What if the other guy who I met first doesn't really end up liking me all that much after a few dates and I give up a good opportunity without someone who might. Isn't it okay to date more than one person at once if you're not serious yet? I'm not just going for him because he's "hot." I am just keeping my options open while I"m still single. Do you think that is wrong? How do yall feel about that?
Thanks for the responses!
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