He's interested, what should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2007
He's interested, what should I do?
33
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 4:09am

Okay....I know I JUST posted about a guy who I went on a date with the other night who I was not attracted to but got along with GREAT! Well now here's the thing...

I just went to defensive driving tonight and there was this HOT guy there. He is tall, buff, and goes to the university I just graduated from. I didn't talk to him, but it was a comedy defensive driving class so the facilitator was talking to all of us and that is how I got this information. ANYWAYS.....he kept looking at me and SMILING at me the whole night. When we left for the evening he was parked behind me and we both kept checking each other out on the way to our cars. Tomorrow we have one more class. I'm wondering if he is just holding off because we have one more class and he can ask me out then??? I don't think he's shy because he kept smiling at me EVERY time I looked at him. Should I wait for him to approach me? What if he doesn't? I mean, I gave him AMPLE reason to think I was interested and all he did was look at me and smile and keep checking to see if I was looking on the way to my car?!?!?! How should I approach him? Is he a player? He didn't seem to be checking any other girls out and there were some other cute girls there. He seems like an athletic but laid back kinda guy, he got a ticket for running a stop sign on campus on his bike! And his car had all these "Watch for cyclists" stickers on it. So I really think he is laid back and cool. In my past I've been very forward with guys but for some reason he makes me nervous. He gave me this BIG smile after I talked to the host and I just smiled back and was so nervous afterwards that I was just fidgeting. Should I make a move or see what he does????

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2007
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 6:03pm
I think you may have missed my enthusiasm about the first guy. I REALLY liked him too, and my only question was how does attraction grow after you've been dating someone. If anything, I'm happier about him than about this hot guy that I'd like to meet. I see what you're saying though, but I think I should be able to keep my options open until I get to know more about the first guy. I'm not "looking for something better," but I"m not the type to just give up on dating the moment I click with someone. That to me is settling.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 6:45pm

There is absolutely nothing wrong with keeping your options open.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 1:48pm

Isn't it okay to date more than one person at once if you're not serious yet?
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No, it certainly is not wrong to date more than one person at a time assuming you haven't made any promises to anyone. (-: My rule, when does it stop being ok with YOU if HE is dating other people?? (-: Takes two to figure that one out. (-:
I suppose what I felt I saw in the "tone" of the postings, and in writing, reading tone is an imperfect science at best . . .lol . . was a pretty low "attraction" in the first as compared to the second. Frankly if you really liked him all that much, why ask if you should see him again. (-: Wouldn't that be obvious? And you stated pretty much outright, it was looks and attraction that was the problem. I guess my question is, the lack of chemistry with guy one, can you really over look it? Only you in the end can answer that one. (-:

What I keyed in on most was the . . .well even if guy two is an idiot when he finally speaks . . will guy one be subject to the "quick dump" every time a "guy two" type shows up? That is a fair consideration, and frankly the kind of questions I ask myself if I find a gray area with someone I meet. I try not to hurt people. It is impossible to always succeed in that effort, however you can use good judgment and control the damage left in your "dating wake". (-: If you have seen many of the things I have written in the past, I slip into plutonic friendships sometimes with great ease. No risk, no fun sex )-: but no broken hearts. (-: And who knows, how many people end up marrying a best friend in time? For me guy 1 sounded like that was more like it .. . but again in short postings, in writing . .hard to measure your real emotions about the guy. I would rather challenge the posting some and get you to think rather than just play cheerleader. My legs look awful in a short skirt. LOL Not a strong point for me.

In the end I am a romantic, my heart can be broken so I treat it with some care, and I try to offer the same courtesy to others. (-: Very honestly, I am the guy 1 "type" . . .I am sensitive to he subject. It is no problem seeing a girl go for guy 2, I just hate it when she wastes my time while she looks for him, knowing all along she was never "attracted to me". It quite honestly is time I could have better spent keeping my options wide open for a girl who is. Does that make since? If I am a nice guy and you want to be friends, say so, at least I know what to invest. Simple stuff really, but you have to know yourself pretty well to do it. I have slipped some very pretty women into that old plutonic thing . . sometimes it is just smart. Good stuff there, but as a couple a disaster waiting to happen. Friendships are far less demanding relationships in the end. However often far more rewarding than the failed attempts at LTR's. (-: A little care is sometimes a very good thing. For me, if I make a "friend" into a lover, recovery is unlikely when it goes wrong. If I error on the side of friendship . . .the lover might just be something impossible to hide in time . .. recovery is possible. (-: Respect the heart and good things tend to happen one way or the other.

We in America do not have government by the majority. We have government by the majority who participate.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 3:36pm

I think the HUGE blaring thing you're missing here is that for a lot of women, attraction is more than skin deep.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 5:17pm

""""""but it turns out he's not nearly as attractive in person. It's really amazing how different he looked in person. I'm used to dating guys who I find VERY attractive."""""""

"""""""In your experience, is it possible to have a good relationship with someone that you're really not attracted to that much but """""""" ((1)))

""""""""""""""Okay....I know I JUST posted about a guy who I went on a date with the other night who I was not attracted to """""""""""""""(((1)))

"""""""""""and there was this HOT guy there. He is tall, buff, and """"""""""""""(((2)))

"""""""""""""""Should I wait for him to approach me? What if he doesn't? I mean, I gave him AMPLE reason to think I was interested and all he did was look at me and smile and keep checking to see if I was looking on the way to my car?!?!?! How should I approach him? Is he a player? He didn't seem to be checking any other girls out and there were some other cute girls there. He seems like an athletic but laid back kinda guy""""""""""""""""""'(((2)))

""""""""""""""""He gave me this BIG smile after I talked to the host and I just smiled back and was so nervous afterwards that I was just fidgeting. Should I make a move or see what he does????"""""""""""""""""""'(((2))))
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I did not find the word "but" in the second email once. Did you? Did you keep re-reading them as I did, or did you just decide I am you typical shallow man, and forget the words above were not his? I also believe these are the OP's words, not my own. I also believe my WHOLE ARGUMENT has been that depth is missing regarding PERSONALITY, and that someone could get hurt for nothing. The certainty to "make a move without a "but"" was in post TWO and completely missing in post one. In post one she needed "validation" to overlook the issue. Do not put her words in my mouth. I simply offered my honest take on HER attitude. I frankly also don't have this HIGH set of standards that cant be compromised. Give me a break. This response has got nothing to do with one word I wrote. You seem to feel compelled to attach that portion of the observation on my part to me as my practice. Re read shy. I called someone to the carpet, that's all.

I do not see a problem with asking a reasonable question based on what was written. You yourself say in every post that calls it into question that you have high standards and would never settle. Her standards are not yours shy, and looks appear to me to matter to her based on these post, she wrote it down, I assume she meant it and was not lying just for fun and to yank our chains, so I put it out there in a way that would require her to challenge her own values. IF it matters, it matters. No place in this string, or any string I have ever written will you find a place where some HOT BABE is important to me . . . to the contrary, I believe I am probably far more forgiving of appearance than most of the women on this board.

Sorry to be a pain, but your response demonstrates you ether did not read what I have written, or completely misunderstood it. It however did raise my dander a bit. (-: What I think is you seem to feel a need to attach the looks belief to me in this string when it was instead attached to a woman. Is that such a difficult concept to accept, many woman care just as much about looks as many men do? And when have I ever demonstrated that I was one who needed some model, or that looks was of a primary importance to me, ever? Have I ever participated in the perfect partner posts? I think the closest I ever came to even offering a preference at all was if it is pure mail order I go with a tall girl, and abnormally skinny like me. (-: Why not? And I also pointed out that in 46 years that has never happened. I can not personally be "attracted" to someone I have NOT SPOKEN TO. Impossible. That alone might be why I reacted so strongly to the contrast in these two post. It is a flashing neon sign to me. I CAN NOT get that excited about a pretty girl I never met or have spoken too, period.

I'll drop it . . I think my point has more than been made. However interesting conversation sometimes is the very conversation that requires OP to think WHY validation was need in post one in the first place???????? If it was not a problem the string would simply have been about the great guy she met, not if he was "worth" a second date. You say you like an intellectual challenge . . .hmm . . .a safe one I would assume. I personally felt the contrast in the two posts begged and screemed out for a response.

And Shy, just for the record of the two closest plutonic friends I speak of the most often, one is 5'2", possibly 110 lbs and has graced the cover of a least on magazine, the other is 5' 11" tall, 130 lbs tops? and will turn nearly every male head in a room, both have personalities and smiles that dominate a room. I'll have to get some pictures on my space one day if they say its ok. I don't stuff the dogs in the corner! I make choices based on how we interact, what my feelings towards them are. I would also take a wild guess and say since sex is out of the picture these woman chose to consider me a friend also based on who I am . . .The insinuation in your response was dead wrong. The average girl I date is 5'2" tall, and will be 140 to 170 lbs . . . almost every real relationship I have ever had fit that basic description. You know why? It is not because it is "my type", it is because it pretty much an average in the population, hard not to land there if you look at the woman first and foremost.

We in America do not have government by the majority. We have government by the majority who participate.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 6:01pm

This is what you missed...written about guy #1.


I REALLY liked him too, and my only question was how does attraction grow after you've been dating someone. If anything, I'm happier about him than about this hot guy that I'd like to meet.


She also said in another post that she is enthusiastic about the first guy.


All I'm saying is that I think you're missing the fact that the situation with the first guy and the situation with the second one are two separate things.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 7:01pm
Thank you for your thorough response. I really do like both guys so I guess I'll just have to see which one I like more. I went out with guy #2 last night after class and we had good chemistry and attraction, but I still really enjoyed my conversation with guy #1 again. I don't think they care about me that much yet to hurt either one if I were in the position to choose. I certainly don't mind either of them seeing other people, as we have only been on one date and are not in a relationship. Thanks again for your response.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 7:27pm

I'm glad you got to meet the second guy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 9:29pm

I just wrote a long, detailed response to Shy, pretty mean and hard really . . and lost it is cyber space . . lol. . .

This time . . very short and sweet. OP used all CAP’s to emphasize the word VERY in relationship to attractive and who she normally dates in the original post. She gave us all “context”. We, including me “chose” to overlook it for the most part . . .it is the polite thing to do. It is also the dishonest thing to do. A cowards move. It also told me “she” is “hot” and is accustomed to picking and choosing.

In light of the second post . . .BS . .time to ask OP what she feels in her core. An early response in that string spotted what mine keyed in on very quickly. Very perceptive for a young member, “over looked for hot” . . .mine showed the coldness of age and experience. Don’t tell all of us what we want to hear, be honest with yourself, look directly in those eyes that stare back I that mirror . . .you cant lie to them . . . is guy one a novelty or an earth quake? Being PC and cool in answers to us is all BS . . . will you be happy with guy one, period. The worst part . . by looks . .most women say NO looking at me . . they sleep with me . . . . . . . . . . it gets gray at best. (-: Not bragging . . but sometimes looks are . . .well looks are what you see, not what you feel. ((-: I am better when what is felt is known. Facts any woman of some age will relate too.

Guy two . . .he is what you chase . . what he ends up being means nothing other than how other men you “mislead” around him get hurt. We Marines have a saying . . .you talk the talk . . . do you walk the walk . . walking the walk . . trust me . .the pain attached to that can be unreal. The pride in self . . it cant be replaced. What is your walk OP? Is hot body’s and smiles the thing? Or is a real man . . .real emotional reaction and actual feelings the thing? You at some time have to decide . . .just has to happen. Love happens . . it is not seen. (-: In the end . . .looks drive a desire to find out . . . or once felt . . . looks lose power. I now live in the world where my feelings beat my eyes. . . . (-: Just is for me . .and comes easy. Sex with a women I feel . .compared to one I see . . feel is the woman I want forever every time. (-: Does that sound insane? Or does those feelings make total senses at this point? My girl surfaces at this moment.

I did not stroke you, I asked you to face your self. Can you fall in love with a man you have no attraction to? Can you ask that question about a man you are not attracted too? (-: Can you ask a man you are not attracted to too trust his feelings and heart to you? THAT is a huge question to a quality human beings in my eyes. Can you look him straight in the eyes and say the risk to him is worth it? Can you remember pain and hurt felt yourself as a result of others. . . . and say what you feel is worthy of that risk, I feel the things you need? ?

I ask myself that question every time I attach to a woman . . .I try to get it right. I don’t always do it . . (-: No kidding . . . I do at least try . .and never just cause pain for no reason.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 11:55am

>>Reverse the post and pretend it had been me talking about two girls . . .how many girls would have written this basic response? It is a simple matter of respect if the guy is nice at all. Post one had zero energy compared to this, guy 1 is "better than nothing for the moment". I don't see that changing. Without long explanation, what would convince me it could change for guy one is missing in both posts.

Well that wasn't my point. I was just saying, it's early enough on with the first guy that I don't think it'd hurt to still see him and I disagree, if a guy was, unbeknownst to me, seeing me and another woman that early in the game (which he'd have every right to) and I got written off just because she was cuter than me at first glance...I would be offended. If it turned out he was more attracted to her AND got along with her better, then fine, but it kind of seems like an unfair snap judgement to me.

Sorry I left this thread for so long. :)