He's interested, what should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2007
He's interested, what should I do?
33
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 4:09am

Okay....I know I JUST posted about a guy who I went on a date with the other night who I was not attracted to but got along with GREAT! Well now here's the thing...

I just went to defensive driving tonight and there was this HOT guy there. He is tall, buff, and goes to the university I just graduated from. I didn't talk to him, but it was a comedy defensive driving class so the facilitator was talking to all of us and that is how I got this information. ANYWAYS.....he kept looking at me and SMILING at me the whole night. When we left for the evening he was parked behind me and we both kept checking each other out on the way to our cars. Tomorrow we have one more class. I'm wondering if he is just holding off because we have one more class and he can ask me out then??? I don't think he's shy because he kept smiling at me EVERY time I looked at him. Should I wait for him to approach me? What if he doesn't? I mean, I gave him AMPLE reason to think I was interested and all he did was look at me and smile and keep checking to see if I was looking on the way to my car?!?!?! How should I approach him? Is he a player? He didn't seem to be checking any other girls out and there were some other cute girls there. He seems like an athletic but laid back kinda guy, he got a ticket for running a stop sign on campus on his bike! And his car had all these "Watch for cyclists" stickers on it. So I really think he is laid back and cool. In my past I've been very forward with guys but for some reason he makes me nervous. He gave me this BIG smile after I talked to the host and I just smiled back and was so nervous afterwards that I was just fidgeting. Should I make a move or see what he does????

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 11:59am

>>As a guy, if I am guy one, have read both strings . . I don't ask for date two.

Yeah, and these guys are the type that has done this to me before and trust me, it makes us feel like crap. I've had more than one guy write me off abruptly for some other chick and then come back a few months later because he changed his mind. SERIOUSLY? Do you REALLY think these guys deserve another chance?? Of course not! If they had given me a chance in the first place, they would have eventually realized that they, in the end, liked me better, though I'm glad they didn't because they clearly weren't worth my time anyway.

How can you make judgements about people so quickly? And yes, I am young, but I'm typically honest and don't care about being PC about such things. I realize that often it IS necessary to judge based on appearance and attraction DOES count for a lot, but still, it's not that she said she wasn't attracted to the first guy AT ALL, just not as much as the second guy.

The way I see it, there are two factors at work here, looks and personality. She likes guy one better for his personality (right now) and likes guy two's looks better. What you're saying is looks trumps personality flat out (I'm not saying this is true for you, nor do I necessarily think shywon was, but you're definitely saying it about THIS situation and I'm not quite sure how you could deny it.




Edited 7/19/2007 12:12 pm ET by cml7721
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 12:03pm
No, I think (after being away for a couple days) you're definitely doing the right thing. It's too early to tell much about either of them. Good for you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2007
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 2:02pm

""""How can you make judgments about people so quickly?""""
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I didn't make any judgments. Read Op's first post again. She goes out of her way to "explain" how the date happened. Knew him from school, did not look anything like the picture, she's used to dating """VERY""" attractive men . . .almost a feeling of embarrassment and a need to explain how this date could have happened to begin with . .. . what I took away was "surprise" on her part that she liked him and she was unsure what to do with that when she realized it. Not that she is lying when she says she likes him . . it is clear however liking him left her feeling uncomfortable and was clearly new territory for her. It sounds like it is the first time she has "liked" a non cute guy. ((-: The general point of 99% of the answers are correct. They simply neglected to really ask the OP what she felt in the end, CAN she change what is obviously her normal pattern now? That is not mean, judgmental or crewel . . it is a reasonable question and frankly part of the answer lies in its answer. She alone has to answer that for herself. There is no right answer . . it is simply one we each have to figure out for ourselves.

Not my "judgment". I just believe her and the things she said. I felt the emphasis on attraction and what attraction was the her was not something to overlook. (-:

""""""""Yeah, and these guys are the type that has done this to me before and trust me, it makes us feel like crap. """""""""

My point exactly. Guys like that should not be dating you if they are not attracted to you, it is disingenuous and in the end hurtful. The problem is not having a preference for one kind of person, or a certain look . . .the problem is not being honest about it and just "experimenting" with peoples feelings. Why date a person you are not attracted to, and if attraction is purely window dressing . .. well . . .it is, why lead someone down a path IF that is true? Personally if I like someone as much as she described, that pretty much stated my "attraction" to her. (-: I made no judgment. I simply asked the OP to look in a mirror and ask herself if she could over look the attraction issue because she told us it was an important consideration to her and that appearance mattered to her. Is she one of these "guys"? Frankly that is only bad if you don't recognize it . . it's not what you find attractive, it is trying to fill in boredom when in your heart you know it is a temporary dead end and you aren't sharing that information. That is what defines a player, it is all about you when you cross that line.

The fact she asked the question told me she was not a "player" . . . had I not seen the contrast in the second post I would have not reacted . . having seen it, I felt guy one had temporary tattooed on his forehead and tried to present myself in a way that forced OP to consider it carefully. What I did see was a very big difference.

And if I am the guy in question . . I tend not to place myself in experimental positions, not at my age anyway. (-: By the age of 30 I expect someone to know more or less who they are and what they need in a dating partner. (-: I simply ask that they be honest with themselves and me . . filling a lonely void is always a temporary position, allow me the courtesy of deseeding if that is for me or not . . .Dating guy two is not a problem, the need to ask if it is ok to date a guy you only "like" seemed worth talking about the "real question" that was asked. The fact is 100 people will land a little different line when the "attraction" thing is in question. Visual personalities will need more in the looks department, for some "looks" will be buff, for Shy she prefers the construction worker look, not so sure she demands it however, another liked those black glass frames and the intellectual / artsy look, I know guys who love large woman, big and beautiful . . that is all they date . . different for everyone. For me it is in the eyes and smile . . .and it kind of matters. I like a sense of happiness . . .that is the "thing" I am attracted to. Asking someone to look in a mirror is not a judgment, it is good advise. I am looking in the mirror regarding my own life a lot lately . .the result is never judgmental or bad. It is sometimes difficult and almost always a really good idea. (-:

I still think for the most part people saw this string as an attack on my part directed at the OP . it was not . . it just reached a point I did not feel we offered honest input based on the information she gave us regarding this poster specifically. (-: Seemed to me she "discovered" something. I thought it more intellectually honest to explore the discovery than to just keep saying go for it, have fun. For those that know me, you know I would have gone after a guy on this issue just as hard or even more so. (-: being a girl offeres no pass. ((-:

We in America do not have government by the majority. We have government by the majority who participate.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 3:19pm

I've explained and explained, as has the OP and now cml is trying, and my forehead is now sore from beating it against a brick wall.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 3:37pm

Haha, got that right. :)

You say we're not seeing what you're saying, but I'm trying to, but I also don't think you understand what we're saying. And I don't really appreciate it being "blamed" on being a young poster. I don't claim to know everything and I'm sure I'm a little more idealistic (by nature, though, not just by age) than most, but no one tends to realize I'm as young as I am until I tell them, at which point some of what I have to say seems to become discredited in their minds because I'm "only 22." I'm not trying to be rude, just making a point.

Anyway, as is obvious from both the OP (you keep referencing the OP's posts, but she's also been the one agreeing that she should keep seeing both of them) and shywon that it's not just my age in effect here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2007
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 3:45pm
It just reminds me of all the times we (some of us) complain about being looked over in favor of "hot" girls. Just my two cents.
******
I said perceptive for a young poster, it was a complement.
We in America do not have government by the majority. We have government by the majority who participate.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 4:16pm
Oh. Sorry. :) I got it confused with the next sentence when you said something about having the experience or something of an older poster. My mistake.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2007
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 4:35pm
Oh. Sorry. :) I got it confused with the next sentence when you said something about having the experience or something of an older poster. My mistake.
****
I was talking about myself and my cynical side. (-:
We in America do not have government by the majority. We have government by the majority who participate.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 4:54pm
Yeah, I know...I just thought you were relating the two. So anyway, thanks for the compliment, hahaha. :)
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 4:55pm

Did you mean to direct that to me, because if you did, I'm confused!