He's not that into me? QUITE CONFUSED!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2008
He's not that into me? QUITE CONFUSED!
15
Sat, 06-07-2008 - 4:36pm

I just can't figure out guys, AT ALL. For the last month a male coworker of mine, has been throwing out very obvious hints that he liked me. I just happened to like him too. I have about 4 years on him in age, I'm 28, he is 24. I'm an outgoing kind of person, where he is the total opposite, very quiet, shy, kind of of awkward. Anyway I went and asked him out (I know, don't ask out guys, blah blah) I read "He's just not that into you" I know the deal. But I did anyway. I asked him out on Thursday to go to a movie this weekend. He accepted, without delay and we decided to go to a movie on Friday night (last night). So yesterday I spent most of the day feeling nervous and excited. We had already decided on a movie time (9pm) but I than noticed yesterday that we looked at the wrong time. The actual showings were 8:15 and 10:30. I work 10-7 (so does he) I didn't want to bring it up in front of my other coworkers, I wanted to keep it on the down low that we were going out. So I assumed that we would probably just go to the 10:30 showing. 8:15 was just too early and I had some things to take care of before. So I waited until later in the day (about 6) when the office had cleared out, to approach him about the time mixup. So when I did, he said he couldn't go to the 10:30 show because he was the designated driver for his friends. So he was pretty much planning on seeing the movie with me and thats all. I don't know if that was the truth or not. But than he said "what about the 8:25 movie" and I told him I couldn't go to the earlier one. So I just let him off the hook and he said "well I do want to see the movie still, so we can go another night". He didn't ask to set something else up though. I just said ok sounds good and went back to my desk. He tried to make small talk with me before I left but I just gave him a 2 word answer.


I than made a phone call to my friend and told her I now had a free evening and made plans to go out with her. Our desks are right by each other so I'm pretty sure he heard this. I felt pretty rejected and disappointed. I usually say bye to him before I leave, but I didn't say a word, I just left. I guess I know the answer, HE'S NOT THAT INTO ME. What do you think?


Do you think he was looking for an "out"? I just assumed he wouldn't make double plans on our night out. Should I forget about him?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Sat, 06-07-2008 - 7:30pm

I think you're overanalyzing things. He promised some friends that he would DD for them and that's it. Sounds like he keeps his word to his buddies.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
Sun, 06-08-2008 - 9:11am

Yeah, I wouldn't worry about it just yet!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Sun, 06-08-2008 - 11:04am
I agree w/the other two posters. Don't read so much into this or you will drive yourself nuts. You can always ask him to meet up for drinks or go to a movie at a later day/time. Ok, he had plans w/his friends after the movie, no big deal. And unfortunately, neither movie time was convenient for either oneof you. It happens, but don't stress over it. And don't read so much into it :-)
5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2006
Mon, 06-09-2008 - 12:06pm
I definitely agree your reading too much into it and wouldnt be rude to him over this. It didn't seem that he acted odd to me at all. Just bring up when at a later time and don't stress! He wouldn't ask you to go again if he didn't want to.
Pregnancy ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2008
Mon, 06-09-2008 - 2:14pm

OK.

I wanted to say I appreciate all of the advice and I'm back at work. I feel bad for acting like a bitch. I shouldn't have let it show that I was bothered by the whole thing. I think he did notice and now things feel tense. He hasn't really said too much to me today. I have tried to act normal. I greeted him good morning, and attempted to make some small talk but it kinda feels like I'm pulling teeth. I don't know what is going on in his head. I would love to find out. I don't know if he noticed my cold behavior last Friday and that is why he is quiet. I don't even know if he likes me in "that way". Maybe the fact that I got upset tells him that I like him and that made him uncomfortable. I think it was nice that he offered to go to see the earlier movie but I don't know what his intentions are/were, friends or more.
I would like to try again, but he would have to make a move. I was hoping by me acting normally and not making an issue about it that he would realize I'm not upset. I don't want him to think I was rejecting him at all. But there are just to many assumptions and not enough facts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2006
Mon, 06-09-2008 - 2:29pm

I don't know if he noticed my cold behavior last Friday and that is why he is quiet. I don't even know if he likes me in "that way". Maybe the fact that I got upset tells him that I like him and that made him uncomfortable.


Honestly, and I hope this doesn't offend you, but I've had guys act this way to me that I was just not sure about. And then when they were rude to me it made me decide that they were too much drama to date. I think you have two options:


1. write him off and just put him in the friend box


2. approach him directly about the situation and say, "hey I'd still really like to go to that movie with you sometime. oh and by the way I'm sorry if I seemed a little off the other day when we were discussing it I had just gotten some bad news at the time (or something else like that)."

Pregnancy ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Mon, 06-09-2008 - 4:52pm
oh thats good advice.

BABY GIRL DUE ON JUNE 25TH
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2006
Tue, 06-10-2008 - 8:35am

Hey, thanks!

Pregnancy ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Tue, 06-10-2008 - 12:28pm

"I would like to try again, but he would have to make a move."


I'm going to be a little blunt about this but don't take it the wrong way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2006
Tue, 06-10-2008 - 12:45pm
I agree with you on that. I think in this instance if she wants to pursue something it is really up to her, not him. Not always the case, but I'd say so in this instance otherwise he will assume she's not interested. As would most people.
Pregnancy ticker

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