Him playing hard to get?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2006
Him playing hard to get?
14
Sun, 03-12-2006 - 12:23pm

I have a major crush on this guy in me college class. Heres a lil history about whats been going on: He stares at me constantly in class, he is outspoken with every other girl but me, when I come around he becomes shy. He always pass lil love taps when we bump into each other. We always catch each others gaze from across the room, Sometimes he tries to hold the gaze and stare into my eyes......or often he just makes silly faces or flashes a giant grin. Another thing is that he always pops around the places that I go on campus, or we spot each other outta a crowd from far away.

Lately I have been getting really mixed messages though. Okay, he is one of the hot guys in class so I understand the need to keep things like having a crush on each other low profile..........just to avoid the drama of people in our bussiness. After having this long time crush, I finally got the nerve to hang out with him one evening. He seemed excited that we were hanging out, we talked about class, highschool, he made every attempt to make me laugh, and he was actually really funny. Anyhow I never got to tell him how I really felt, but I felt a good vibe.

Lately, he has not been so flirty, and the eye contact has lessened. But yesterday on our last day of school before spring break, he was extra flirty. He made some cute excuse to hold my hand, was very talkative with me and everything. In class he did the weirdess thing too, he called me over to him to take my picture with his camera phone, he has never called me over to him before. okay all that flirting and everything went on, then after class in the parking lot he calls me by the wrong name, and I think it was on purpose! He can remember precise details we talked about the day we hung out, like he remembers the highschool I said I went to, the year I gratuated, and the city I live in. He actually thought it was funny too. Is he playing hard to get? If he doesnt actually like me, then why stare at me all the time, why flirt and make attempts to touch me, and stuff. Someone please give me advice.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2005
Sun, 03-12-2006 - 7:15pm
Wow, i have no idea. Men are so confusing! I'd say ask him if he wants to catch a movie or something- but well, i myself now have a no-risktaking lifestyle. But doesn't mean you should!
If you have some college pub, maybe get a group together of your friends and then mention to him that you're doing a pubnight and ask if he'd like to come along. Do some more "out of class" stuff with him if you can.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 03-12-2006 - 9:59pm
Can I ask why you find him hot? I was never the hot, cool guy in school, so I would like to hear .... Anyway, you may take the initiative, telling him how you like him. It's not really that painful.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2006
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 8:09pm

Well back in high school I would always notice the popular guys first, you know......the ones who played all major sports, was very outgoing and had alot of girls after them. But I was also attracted to the shy and quiet type of guys. Whats so hot about this particular guy? Well I love the fact that he has a sence of humor, for some reason Im into goofy guys( Adam Sandler, Will Smith). I love the fact that he is mysterious and quiet. Im pretty sure a has thought of you as hot, they just havent mentioned it, we usually don't.

I should take the initiative, but Im a really shy girl, it could be painful on my part if I get rejected.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2005
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 1:21pm
Supergurl, A guy that I work with does the same thing that you are saying your classmate does. He was giving me all the signals that he was interested and so I gave him my phone number. That was 3 months ago and he never did call me. I felt so rejected that I quit talking to him out of humiliation. My Mom said "Just play hard to get and if he speaks to you be nice and say hi back, but don't chase him". I took her advice and now he goes out of his way to be where I am and make small talk, but he still hasn't called me. I swallowed my pride and decided that he just isn't interested or he'd be asking me out. I'm assuming that he is just the flirty type and that's all there was to it. Because of the phone number incident, I have made a promise to myself that I will never make the first move ever again. Guys like to do the chasing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 1:41am

tammarella ,

You said: "He was giving me all the signals that he was interested and so I gave him my phone number."

What were the "signals" he was giving you?

What makes you think he was flirting and not just being friendly?

I ask because I always have trouble determining whether a woman is flirting or just being friendly with me. The answer, I am often told, is to ask for her number and find out! I think it's wrong to say, "Guys like to do the chasing" because it isn't really true, it only appears that way. I could say women like to do the chasing because I have experienced the same humiliation as you did with your "phone number" incident. Only thing is, men are EXPECTED to do this time after time after time….. It's our job, apparently...

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 6:43am

Yes, it is your job.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2005
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 8:17am
Hal, I don't think I misjudged this guy. We don't work in the same building, but whenever I go to the other building he always make a point to leave his work station and conveniently be wherever I'm at. He just hangs around doing nothing. He also does things like pretending he is whispering about me to a coworker that I am friends with and then looks over at me to make sure I'm watching. If I'm standing with one knee bent and one knee straight, he comes up behind me and puts his knee into the back of my knee to make me buckle. We have lunch at different times, but he passes through the lunchroom during my lunch hour to do nothing. He offered to come over to my house and help me figure out the MP3 player I bought, but I was able to figure it out on my own. I didn't want him thinking I was some dumb blonde. It doesn't really matter anyway because I have given up on him asking me out. I have learned a lesson though and I'm sticking to it, let the guy make the first move.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 9:54am
Tammarella, if you didn't misjudge him, why are we having this conversation? I don't think anything he did was a clear sign of flirting or interest. In fact, if he asked you out and you rejected him he probably would have thought, "Nice guys run last". I worked with a man that went out of his way to do favours for a woman but he quickly become bitter when she spurned his advances. She had no romantic interest in him so everything he did was considered to be the actions of a friend. Now, if she did have a romantic interest (like you have for this other man) she would have considered everything he did as a sign of definite interest. We distort facts according to our level of interest.This is why dating is so complicated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 10:06am

>Yes, it is your job. God gave you the
>balls for a reason. Use them.

I’m touching up my resumé. My balls have been out of work for a while.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2004
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 10:45am
I agree - we do like to take the initiative, as long as we have been given some sort of signal (subtle or otherwise) that the risk is worthwhile.
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