Hold a good thought for me--went back online

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Hold a good thought for me--went back online
17
Sat, 09-08-2012 - 8:48am

After a break of nearly a year, yep, I've gone back to OLD as of today. Wish me luck.

When I searched this morning, I did actually see a couple of guys that had possibilities, but of course, who knows?? And of course, I saw all the grizzled, pot-bellied shirtless men standing next to their Porches.

You might ask, "Why now?" Well, for one thing, I'm lonely. For another, when I look back on the last few years, the only dates I've gotten were from men I met online. 

For now, I will remain cautiously hopeful. 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 09-09-2012 - 5:01pm

I'm originally from RI which is pretty compact as far as population & jobs go so people think that driving more than 15-20 mins. to work is terrible.  People from the midwest (the few that I know) don't seem to be like that.  But I have an on line friend who lives in a small town out west and there are really no options unless she went way long distance.  I wouldn't like that. 

Shy, I know what you mean in a way about the river being the dividing line.  I live in a suburb South of Boston--I would go up to an hour south I think because that would be near Providence, RI which is where my mother lives & my best friend and I'm always going down there anyway.  But I don't want anyone who it too far north of Boston because it's a pain having to drive through the city--unless the guy works in the city like me, which at least would make it easy to meet during the week.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2005

I know what you mean - I've never had a commute less than 45 minutes, whether that was public transportation or driving.  So I would set my distance to at least 15-20 miles.  But 20 miles in one direction would be fine, and 20 miles in another direction might be a major pain, so I'd weed through after the fact.  This is of course all hypothetical since I haven't been on Match or EHarmony in 5 years.  I just might get inpsired though...

In a super quick update, I ended things last week with a guy that I was seeing super casually.  It was just too casual for me, we'd go so long without seeing each other.  I was starting to feel more disappointment than happiness, and that isn't right.  He understood.  We have mutual friends and may run into each other on rare occasion, so glad things ended well.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sun, 09-09-2012 - 11:51am
It's more about the long term for me. Driving half an hour once a week is no big deal. I used to drive 25 minutes to work everyday and eventually moved closer because gas is so expensive. If I met a guy more than 20 minutes away, he'd probably be in Kansas. If things worked out, one of us would eventually have to move. There is very much a Kansas/Missouri dividing line here. I always drive 15 minutes to work anyway, and adding another 20+ (with morning traffic) just isn't something I'm willing to do. Given that I won't move to Kansas or quit my job to teach closer (cause that would be stupid), I don't even want to meet someone that far away. It's the same as not wanting to meet someone who doesn't want kids.
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sun, 09-09-2012 - 11:11am
I have a GF who lives in Texas. She's always complaining about driving half an hour to go here or there. It's not uncommon for me to drive half an hour to go anywhere, LOL. If I go to my sister's which, is probably about once per month, it takes me a solid hour. I'm not knocking my friend, or Shy . . . I just find it interesting what some deem near or far.
Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sun, 09-09-2012 - 11:09am
My experience is that if I put 15 miles, they expand it to 25. If I put 20, it's really 30. One guy I dated was supposed to be within 30, but it was a 45 minute drive. If I weren't established where I am and were willing to move eventually, I wouldn't care. But since I don't plan on moving farther away from work than I already am (15 minutes) it's pointless to meet someone farther away than that. Plus, there's this weird dividing line here. Most people here are dead set on either staying north of the (Missouri) river or south of it. The river is about 10 miles away, so most people farther than that wouldn't come up this way. It's weird, but it's just how people are. There's also an incredibly snooty county in the 20 mile (really 30 miles) range I'd rather avoid! Adding that extra five miles might get me 20 more matches, but they'd probably be stuck up rich boys living off of their daddy's money.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 09-09-2012 - 10:51am

Now I can't read profiles at all--when I try to sign in, they ask me to join up.  They are probably mad that I canceled my membership.  lol  If you hide your profile, you can read others' profiles and then they try to see yours & they can't.  If you are serious about meeting someone, I'd expand the search a little.  I 1/2 hr drive doesn't seem like a lot to me since my minimum drive to work is 1/2 hr--if there is traffic it's an hour. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Sun, 09-09-2012 - 10:02am

I wish you luck too. Please come back and share your trials and retribulations.

 

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sun, 09-09-2012 - 9:30am
I didn't put anything in at first. The default was set at 5 miles until I changed it. I think I changed it to 15 because beyond that I'd be driving through the city to get to Kansas, and it'd be at least a half hour drive. I set my age range at 27-40 and only limited the education (some college+) and smoking, and I even included occasional smokers which I have never done. And yep, I got 90 matches. Oh, and I eliminated separated guys.

I could put in basic search requirements, and when the pictures would appear, so would a pop up asking me to log in. I couldn't get rid of it. I could click to read profiles once I did sign in, but last I remember there was a "who's viewed me" feature and I would have popped up on that, and I didn't want that given my profile is very old and I'm not going to make it viewable.

I'd love to have 800 matches. That would be a problem if take!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 09-08-2012 - 11:55pm

Is it you who limited the search to 5 miles or them?  I know that you used to be able to read the profiles--I don't get why they stopped you from being able to do that because of course looks are important but it's reading the profile and realizing that I like that too that would make me pay to join again, not just seeing some good looking men.  I hate to tell you this but if I put in a search for 25 miles in my age group (50's) I get about 800 men.  Seriously!  It's a problem because it takes so long to go through the profiles even when I X out the ones I don't want.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sat, 09-08-2012 - 8:21pm

So, I was really bored and decided to peruse the match profiles just for fun.  First, I'm irritated that they won't let you look at them anymore unless you're signed in.  I'll probably start getting emails from them again now, just because I signed in to look at pictures.  Although, that's probably good because that means that if I ever did decide to make my profile active again, I wouldn't have to worry about random parents searching for me again (yes, that's happened).  Only the single ones who are also on match (or the ones who create a username and really shoudn't) would be able to find me.  There were quite a few more men who came up in my search results now than did a year ago.  Last time I searched, I had something like 35 matches.  This time, there were 90.  I'm wondering if there was a setting wrong last time or something.  The default this time was set to within 5 miles, which isn't far.  I even excluded men with kids and still had 90 (when I included guys with kids, there were about 110).  I didn't read any profiles, because the last time I checked, they could see you read them when you clicked and I didn't want that to happen.  (Maybe someone can tell me if that's still true).  For the most part, though, the guys looked decently attractive and there was only one guy I recognized as being on there for a long time.  It's encouraging, because at least I know there are men out there.  Of course, if I read their profiles they may turn out to be jerk-wads, but I'd rather stick to thinking positive!

 

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