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|Tue, 11-19-2013 - 10:07pm|
I'm in that strange mood again. Is it the holidays, the cold weather or what. I've been keeping busy but somehow still feel pretty empty sometimes.
For example past few weeks have been overdosing on meetup activities, which I do one day a week, on a saturday typically if I'm not working, two in a day. I realize I do them to get out of my loneliness. I have a gf that does this with me so we would go together, which is kinda fun but I realize it's just a time filler. Then I try with much effort to do a few small things around the house. Extremely small things but I was even too lazy to do: like picking up the mail, emptying out the recycling bins, finally calling another handyman, checking my bank statements. I've also been keeping busy with finding natural hair care. So I've tried bicarb + vinegar rinse (had one treatment, felt good), last night tried honey wash...Not clean enough but to be expected according to the source with initial treatment. Got a new toilet seat, filter for my shower. Shop for house project supplies.
I've also have a couple of activities at the end of the week, thursday, dinner with the local professional group which I arranged. Friday night, get-together a a friend's house. Thanksgiving, I already have a dinner lined up.
So I can brag my life is full but it's artificially full. I feel sad. I miss the little tradition we had as a couple. My bf and I would spend thanksgiving together, decorate for christmas. On Christmas morning we would make a couple of drinks, the dog curled up next to us as we opened presents.
I don't know if I would ever be happy alone. I can make it not so bad. Since I have my health and the means to go out and do things with my house. That certainly is very fortunate. maybe I should just be thankful for what I have.