Holiday musings

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Holiday musings
Tue, 11-19-2013 - 10:07pm

I'm in that strange mood again.  Is it the holidays, the cold weather or what. I've been keeping busy but somehow still feel pretty empty sometimes.

For example past few weeks have been overdosing on meetup activities, which I do one day a week, on a saturday typically if I'm not working, two in a day. I realize I do them to get out of my loneliness. I have a gf that does this with me so we would go together, which is kinda fun but I realize it's just a time filler.  Then I try with much effort to do a few small things around the house. Extremely small things but I was even too lazy to do: like picking up the mail, emptying out the recycling bins, finally calling another handyman, checking my bank statements. I've also been keeping busy with finding natural hair care. So I've tried bicarb + vinegar rinse (had one treatment, felt good), last night tried honey wash...Not clean enough but to be expected according to the source with initial treatment. Got a new toilet seat, filter for my shower. Shop for house project supplies.

I've also have a couple of activities at the end of the week, thursday, dinner with the local professional group which I arranged. Friday night, get-together a a friend's house. Thanksgiving, I already have a dinner lined up.

So I can brag my life is full but it's artificially full. I feel sad. I miss the little tradition we had as a couple. My bf and I would spend thanksgiving together, decorate for christmas. On Christmas morning we would make a couple of drinks, the dog curled up next to us as we opened presents.

I don't know if I would ever be happy alone. I can make it not so bad. Since I have my health and the means to go out and do things with my house. That certainly is very fortunate. maybe I should just be thankful for what I have. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 11-19-2013 - 10:45pm

I think it's to be expected that you will feel a little loneliness, esp. around the holidays.  It hasn't been that long since you broke up w/ exBF and you haven't had time enough to develop your own traditions.  I think at times most single people (except those who prefer to be single) have times when we miss being in a relationship.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Wed, 11-20-2013 - 1:56am

 Always be glad to have your health.  That is so overlooked.   Men come ande go but good health is a treasure.


Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Wed, 11-20-2013 - 8:03am

You aren't alone; I think the holidays bring a certain brand of melancholy when they roll around.  At least you are out there trying to find what it is you want out of life.  As lonely as I feel at times, I know there are those out there who are much lonlier, not that I take comfort in someone elses pain but I guess it makes me more appreciative for what I do have . . . like you mirrored in your post. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Wed, 11-20-2013 - 11:24am


So far I like the comments from others..and it is understandable now if this is your first holidays without your ex.. It happens to most people who just break up...

When I got divorced years ago like Music said I found a new normal and new ways to celebrate without an SO.. Not it wasnt easy but what are the choices.

Here are a few things I have learned in old age and being single (LOL).. I dont put myself in situations where I know there will be all couples or even go out to places during holidays where there are all couples.. which means no going out on Saturday night to the mall or dinner .. That is why I like meet up groups.. There are so many singles in the same situation and atleast you can be with like minded people.. I notice there are alot of meet up holiday things for singles and stick for that for now until you feel emotionally better..

So the bottom line is dont put yourself in a situation where its going to make you feel bad during holidays..this I learned the hard way.. I just bow out of anything that makes me feel uncomfortable.. You do have control over your life so seize that...

Good Luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Wed, 11-20-2013 - 12:12pm

the group that I'm meeting with on friday is my regular church small group. I go there for social reason since it's far from my house. The host is a friend from college. That's why I go. Let see, the group is probably more than half are coupled up: there are two divorced dads (neither of whom are desirable IMO). My friend's husband took an early retirement so she's the breadwinner (she didn't like the idea of him retiring early but for some reason gushes on FB how wonderful he is). Two other couples: the husband is long-termed unmeployed, so wife is bread-winner. The third couple, she makes more $ than him. I don't know how much more and they seem relatively compatible but once in a while hints would drop about how he doesn't make as much as she would like or he's doing something she disapproves of in his business dealings. There were times when he asked for help with their marriage. The fourth couple are kinda hush-hush so I don't know their status.  the fifth one is a new r/s so I don't know the guy well.

There are three single woman in the group. All are looking but none would want the two single guys. Laughing

She also invited two other couples to the party on friday and a single man, long-time bachelor friend of couple # 4. They've tried over the years to fix him up with various women. I think he's OK but runs after the pretty girls. He was hung up on  a gf of my friend for a long time but she's now engaged to someone else. I'm not about to run after such a man. He has to show interest first.