Honestly, Am I Crazy...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Honestly, Am I Crazy...
6
Wed, 10-19-2005 - 10:16am

....or would this seriously bother you? Opinions, please!

I belong to a big message board that I've been on for years. I literally talk to these people everyday, have met many and consider them all friends. Last May one member began noticing me and flirting with me online. I eventually met him in person at a meetup and we exchanged numbers and began talking over the phone. We became fast friends and even though he lives out of state, we talked every night and made plans to see each other. I came down to him and he came up to me. When he came up, he stayed the night at my place, slept in the same bed and although things did get hot and heavy, he explained to me that he was holding out on having sex until he was "in love" and didn't believe in casual sex. Fine with me, I respected that. We continued talking and hanging out when we could.

We were somewhat involved all summer long until, I guess he felt he was getting too involved and came up in August to see me to talk. He asked me all these relationship questions but felt that he wasn't in a good place in his life to get seriously involved right now. He said if his life weren't so crazy, things between us would be different and he actually cried when I suggested we be just platonic friends. I was crushed however because I felt very close to him and began to feel for him emotionally.

So we're still on this message board everyday, when I begin to see him flirt with other girls. I don't think much at first, because we all flirt with each other. Then on Monday, he eludes to the fact that one girl on the board he's been talking to and mentions her by name. I'm hurt by this because I felt that he wasn't taking my feelings into consideration. I don't want to know or read that he's interested in someone else on the board.

That same night he announces for all of us to read, that he got laid. Well, I was pissed. He told me he was saving himself for love and yet he found it that fast. Even so, why announce that so I can see it. Before we stopped seeing each other, I wrote him a 4-page letter explaining how I felt about him so he knows I have feelings about him.

I've stopped going to the board and I'm no longer speaking to him because I don't consider him a friend. Yeah, I got laid also recently but I'd never announce that in front of him out of consideration for his feelings.

Am I making too big of a deal out of this? I've been crazy about this guy for the past 4 months.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Wed, 10-19-2005 - 11:36am

Regardless if you're not still seeing each other, I'd be pissed too. He seems inconsiderate of your feelings. He has every right to move on. But from what it sounds, he might have been giving you lines to move on or he is just really screwed up. Probibly the latter, actually. You're better off, even if it doesn't seem like it right now.

Calie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Wed, 10-19-2005 - 11:42am
You are not crazy. It may sound difficult to do, but you need to move on. It's good that you're not talking to him or frequenting the board... he likely did that because he KNEW you'd read it. It sucks but it sounds like he's a jerk (as well as a little "off") so I'd cut your losses and try each day to move on.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 10-19-2005 - 11:50pm

It was really inconsiderate for him to announce to everyone (knowing you'd see it) that he had sex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2005
Thu, 10-20-2005 - 11:20am
No you're not crazy you have every right to feel the way you do. He is scum and you are better off without him. Don't let him stop you from going on this message board that you obviously enjoy participating in. Just ignore all his posts and any future contact he tries to make with you.
BABY #3!!
 
Pregnancy ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Thu, 10-20-2005 - 11:30am

Thanks ladies for your responses.

I did email him yesterday and let him know that it was hurtful, his response: it was a joke and I shouldn't have taken it seriously. A no go, for me, I did not respond back.

He then called my house 3 times last night (in which I didn't answer) and left 3 messages. In the last one (at 11pm) he apologized for upsetting me, he didn't realize I would take it so seriously, claimed he was hurt that I didn't come to him first and tried to tell me again that he's not like that and he wouldn't do anything like that (this makes the 3rd or 4th incident like this). He ended by saying he hopes I'll call him back soon.

He'll be waiting a looooooooooooong time. (I won't be calling him back)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2003
Thu, 10-20-2005 - 7:18pm
I don't think you are making a big deal at all!!! This dude lead you to believe that you were in a relationship only for him to drop some bull crap excuse and break up with you. Like that wasn't bad enough, he started flirting with other people at a place where he know you will find out. That's extremely inconsiderate of him and you should be piss. What I am wondering right now is, do you know if he's a habitual dater of the people on this message board? Could it be that he flirt, date for a while, break up with some sorry excuse just to make room for another lady? I know it's not easy but don't let things get to you too much. It's really inconsiderate of him to be doing what he's doing but I doubt he's going to stop on your account. Don't stop going to the message board because of him but at the same time, don't go there if you are not ready. *Hugs*