Hopeless love?
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| Mon, 12-03-2007 - 8:05pm |
I am a 19 years old Norwegian guy, currently studying history at the university. I have a great problem that has been following me for some time. This will be a long post, so I hope someone has the patience to read it and give me ANY advice!
I'll take you through the whole story so that you may understand my situation better.
I have been hopelessly in love with the same girl for almost seven years, definitely my first love, but it seems she's also the only one. She has been out of my life for quite some time though, with exception from my dreams that constantly reminds me of her, and my regretting thoughts of the chances I probably blew with her when I was too afraid.
I first met her at middle school, where we sat together at the back row. We didn't talk very much, though when we did talk, we talked about the things we knew were our common interests: mainly school-related things and mountain hiking, which we both enjoyed. I truly enjoyed her company. I remeber those days as my happiest today, if only because of her presence. It lasted for three years, and our relationship didn't change during that period. Today I am wondering if she actually did have an interest in me back then, which makes things even worse concidering what might have been, so I try not to think to much about that. After middle school we went our seperate ways. She went to become a chef, a went to a more regular high school. I did only bump into her now and then, and when we did I was too scared to even look her in the eyes when we were talking!
Towards the end of high school I started going to dance-nights, where I knew she and her family would go. I guess what I was hoping for was some kind of closure, because I missed her so much, and it had been tearing me apart through high school. But as I danced with her all those nights, I found her even more magnificent than before, and when those dance-nights were over, things were as complicated for me as ever before. For a while back then, I actually thought I could forget about her. But I can see now that I can't; I miss her now more than ever before, and I'm more willing to do something about it than ever - even now that I have moved to another part of the country and frankly I don't know where she is or what she is doing. Last I heard she was working as a chef in the national guard and had a boyfriend... no better place to find one I presume.
I have never talked with anyone about this. I do have quite a few pals, but we never talk about things like this, which I honestly think wouldn't be good for my relationship with them anyways. Desperate and in need of advice I turn to you.
Edited 12/3/2007 8:18 pm ET by mariusse

My question is: Why didn't you ever ask her out?
While you're obviously right, I might add that there are some cultural differences between Norway and the states that should be explained. Firstly, it's not a big country. With less than 5 million inhabitants, someone you know is never really far away. Me and this girl comes from the same town, a town with less than 10000 inhabitants, our parents even know each other well, and we will probably return to that town. In fact, she's possibly working at the base there now.
Asking her out never seemed like a logical thing to do. I guess I did think about it, but concluding that it could never end well. I had no idea how to act on a date, I pictured it would be nothing but full of awkward silence, and that she'd be bored. Still not too optimistic about if it would have went well..
So if it never seemed like a logical thing to do, what has changed?