How to ask someone out

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
How to ask someone out
18
Sat, 03-11-2006 - 11:46pm
I haven't dated anyone for like 7 months and it's starting to get to me. But I haven't been having any luck on match.com (my usual method) lately. There are a couple guys in my classes I think are cute, but how do you ask one out? I've never asked out anyone in real life.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Sun, 03-12-2006 - 2:50am

Hi buggie,

IMO: Unless you rate yourself a 10+ in the looks department (backed up by experience), I would not recommend you try to ask someone out without getting to know them first. Do you speak to these guys or do you only admire them from afar?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
Sun, 03-12-2006 - 1:57pm
if no one but perfect 10s in the looks department ever asks anyone out, then how does anyone ever get a date? that doesn't make any sense.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 2:45am

>that doesn't make any sense.

That is because you did not read what I wrote. So I copied it here again and highlighted what you missed.

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Unless you rate yourself a 10+ in the looks department (backed up by experience), I would not recommend you try to ask someone out *WITHOUT GETTING TO KNOW THEM FIRST.*

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Does it make a little more sense now?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 7:50am
I would suggest trying to get to know them as friends first.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 11:12am
no, I already know them. Not like super well like best friends, but I know them. How do you make the transition?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 11:41am

>How do you make the transition?

You are seeking a solution to a dilemma that almost everyone single person is in. How to make the transition from friend/acquaintance to lover. There are a few women that work in my local gym. I would like to date them and I know it’s just a simple matter of saying, “We should go out on a date” or perhaps “I’d like to take you out on a date”, so incredibly simple. So what is stopping them from saying it to me??!!!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 12:09pm

Either they're not interested in you "that way"...or they don't think you are, because you're the guy and it's *your* job to ask *them* out!!

Sheri

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 12:13pm

I firmly believe that if a guy is interested, available and emotionally healthy, he'll ask you out. So if these guys aren't, they are not interested, not available and/or not emotionally healthy.

However, you could always give it a bit of a nudge by saying something like, "hey I enjoyed talking with you about that new movie ...we should go see it sometime". That way, they have a green light to ask you out if they are interested but were on the fence about whether YOU were interested in them.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 12:17pm
I'm not sure all guys who are available, emotionally healthy and interested will automattically ask a woman out. Some guys are shy. I also believe she could simply ask him out. Men have had all the pressure forever. It's our turn. I've asked guys out lately, it doesn't kill me, the worst that will happen is he'll say "no, thanks", which will leave me free to ask someone else out.

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 12:27pm

I agree that some people are shy...but if someone is SO shy they can't take a small risk to go after something or someone they want, then that's not emotionally healthy in my book. And men know that it's their role to ask a woman out...it's how courtship works (which has nothing to do with feminism).

And based on my experience asking men out (I used to all the time but I don't anymore), the worst thing that can happen isn't getting rejected, it's having the guy go out with you on a pity date because he didn't know how to say no.

Sheri

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