How to ask someone out

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
How to ask someone out
18
Sat, 03-11-2006 - 11:46pm
I haven't dated anyone for like 7 months and it's starting to get to me. But I haven't been having any luck on match.com (my usual method) lately. There are a couple guys in my classes I think are cute, but how do you ask one out? I've never asked out anyone in real life.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 1:50pm
I guess I haven't asked enough guys out to have experienced the pity date yet, and I'm sure if I continue to ask men out I will. Typically I know them somewhat before I ask them out. I'm also not against a woman asking a man to marry her, if it came down to it, although I am not sure I would personally ever do it. I agree, it has nothing to do with feminism. It's simply time for women to be able to be comfortable in whatever roles they choose for themselves.

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 2:19pm

Oh, I knew the guys too...and I would speculate that's part of why they didn't feel comfortable just turning me down. So I realized after this happened enough times that if he'd really been interested, he would have asked me out in the first place...he had plenty of opportunities, after all!

And just to be clear, I'm not "against" a woman asking a guy out, I just don't think it's effective or necessary.

I do agree with your bottom line conclusion about being comfortable with whatever roles we choose.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 4:57pm
this is so depressing, I still don't know how to do it. I'm 28 years old for crying out loud! I asked my friend how she and her husband went from friends to being a couple, and apparently they just hooked up one night and were together after that. that's probably how it always happens, but it's never happen to me so I'm sick of just waiting around for a freaking date! that's all I want!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 12:18pm
So understand but sometimes pushing or forcing the issue doesn't make something happen either. All I can gather is if it's for you it will happen.
What does that mean? Don't know except to be patient and have faith.
Something I've been telling myself for a while now.
I had never asked a guy out before. I've always flirted with them and they took bait. I only asked one out before and he said yes but it led no where.
So even if you ask, sometimes all you'll get is just one date as opposed to a relationship and that's that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 2:23pm
all I need right now is a date. How do you get them to "take the bait" so to speak, I don't even think I know how to flirt, I'm not sure if I have ever flirted with someone I wasn't already hooking up with.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 3:04pm
I have been practicing this, and I've found that a simple smile is the best way to start. Everyone looks good wearing a smile, and if you're nervous, start by smiling at random people. I started by making a goal to smile at 3 strangers a day, and by the end of a month, I could flirt with anyone I wanted to.... smiling makes people feel good. It made me feel good, because people smiled back. Sometimes, a conversation was started, sometimes, I made someone's day. All it took was a simple smile.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 3:51pm

>>I had never asked a guy out before. I've always flirted with them and they took bait.<<

That is so charming!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 4:02pm
I agree with you. A smile goes a long way and it can open the door for friendship and even more sometimes.
I'm very shy myself but like you said, I'd practice smiling at people and just making conversation.
I'd find that when I'd smile, they'd return the smile and more often, stop to make conversation because you have created an ease with them.
I think this is the best way to go with a man. After the smile and conversation, then you can step it up a bit and flirt a little. That should open the door for them to ask you out or atleast for your number.

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