How?? bit of a newb here..
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| Thu, 12-14-2006 - 1:51am |
Hi everyone..
I am feeling like quite the newb on the single scene. I have only been in long term relationships. One started at work(6 years) and the other started in an online game(3.5 years..met after playing for 5 years). These were back to back long term relationships. So I have literally not had to worry about dating in close to 10 years. Oh and before the 6 year one I was on a relationship break for a year. Prior to that I had a 3 year ltr.
So there was none of the hi.. my name is.. oh nice to meet you.. dating kinda stuff. I have no idea how to approach a guy or what to say when they approach me. I had been hiding inside for a while after my breakup and I am just now starting to go out.
Today there was literally a man that got caught up staring at me and tripped as he walked past me falling in to someone else. Ok.. so I'm figuring it wasn't because I'm hidious lol.. He blushed and said "hola" and I said hi back. He kept turning his head to look at me as him and his friend walked down the street to a taco stand. While he was standing there he kept his eye on me. I was with a friend that wants to set me up with one of her friends so I couldn't do anything about it. But I had the strongest desire to walk up to this man and hand him my email address or phone number.
How do you get past the glances? What breaks the ice? In Mexico I keep getting told that women are supposed to be passive. As an american living in Mexico can I be so forward to give a man my email/phone and tell him to write/call me? I am 31 and I feel like I am 15. This all feels sooo new to me. I guess because it is.
I need a crash course in dating 101!!!

Being half Cuban, I know how macho Latino men can be. They prefer to do the pursuing. Here in America, women are so bold that men are used to women being the aggressor. But from what I know about Latino men, most of them would consider it a turn off if a woman grew the balls and pursued them. They like to pursue the women. I'm not sure about Mexico, but when I visited there, the men are not shy about pursuing women. They're very aggressive!
*Edited to add, you might just want to give eye contact and a smile and let they guy take it from there.
Edited 12/14/2006 9:38 am ET by ivil_mami25
Wow.. this is beginning to feel like it will take a long time..
I went to meet my friend's friend and he has seen me before and said he wants to go out with me but when I was standing there he was so shy he could hardly look at me. My friend told me it was because he is shy. Sadly enough when men are that shy it is a huge turn off for me. She gave him my phone numbers and she told me he would be less shy without her there.
I know being a blond and looking different (half asian/white) I stick out like a sore thumb here. So lots of men stare at me. Hell kids point at me. I have been working on the smile back and all. I get passing holas all the time along with men walking in to poles and tripping over themselves. If they are willing to embarrase themselves by walking in to a pole because they are so caught up in staring at me.. why not talk to me??? Probably because they are too embarrased because they walked in to a pole.. Then everyone tells me.. oh wait till they come to you.. OMG!! I am going to be waiting forever!! lol I guess it is kinda amusing at the moment, but frustrating at the same time. Being in a small town makes it worse. One of the things I like though is in the US I blended in. Here all the sudden I'm exotic.. Funny never thought that would happen.
Oh well.. on top of everything I have cultural problems!!!
How long have you been in Mexico? I find Mexicans to be a friendly culture no? I don't think it'll be long before someone approaches you. When I was there with my friends, we had men approaching us all the time. It was so different than the U.S. In the U.S., the guys are more laid back because the women are super aggressive!(LOL!)
But I've dated Latino men in the past and and I have Latino men in my family. I know that most of them prefer to do the pursuing. That's their machismo.
Well I had been coming here for the past 3 years then moved here in April06. At the time I was in my last ltr.. Then I found out about the other woman.. Yay!! not. Anyhow I have been single since September. So 3 months..
Being in a small town people still think I belong to my ex. Which is a huge pain!!! And probably what my problem is.. Even the guy that told my friend he wanted to date me was like.. well what about (insert jerk name)?? He doesn't matter anymore!!! If a woman can steal a man away from me she can keep him because I won't want him anymore!!!
The people are amazing. I do love living in Mexico. When I dicided to move here it was after alot of thinking about.. Do I really want to move to another country.. And the answer was and still is yes. Time moves at a different pace. People are nicer. Racism?? whats that?? The food is unreal. Cost of living is 1/4 of what it was for me in CA. And people actually help each other here. I have been lost and pulled out a map at a gas station and literally had 5 people(ok men) run towards me to help me get to my destination. That never happened in the US.
I guess it will just take time. I need to just get out more and have people see me without my ex so that I stand out as single.
Yes, it will take time and I concur with everything you said about Mexico. The people are amazing and the cost of living is not as expensive as the U.S.! I thought about moving there myself one day. LOL!
And what you're saying is true about the Latino men not wanting to date you because they think you're tied to your ex. I've had many of them who wanted to date me when I was single approach my ex first to see if it were ok to go out with me. LOL! Imagine that, getting permission from an ex!
My advice to you is to get out more. I think too, they may be intimidated by your looks because you do not look like the average latina girl in Mexico. Just go out, have fun and be friendly!
AJ, enjoying life with C.