How can he pay attention to me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
How can he pay attention to me?
17
Wed, 12-21-2005 - 12:37am

I know this is off limits and too soon but Im starting to like this guy at work. Im saying too soon because I just started this new job last week and off limits because he is a coworker but Im starting to like him. I dont know but the minute I saw him, something in me made him like him unlike other coworkers that did not raise anything in me, just this particular guy not other coworkers.

In the company I work for we are only 20 employees and the companyi, is concentrated in only one floor of a 3 floor building, so it is very small. The work this guy do has not relation of what I do, so there is not connection between our jobs, our works are totally different, perhaps the only thing is that we work in the same company and we do see each other everyday, because the company is only in one floor and the floor is not big. Im the receptionist (administrative assistant) of the company, he is some notary.

The thing is Im starting to like him and I want him to notice me in a subtle way of course, I dont want to see desesperate in any way. I mean I know I have to know him first and get to know him better, since Im new in this company but I want that the times I run into him or have a slight contact with him, I do a subtle thing in order him to notice me.

So far in this time on this new job, he receives many phone calls and since he does not have his own phone line, he uses a cordless phone I have in the reception, so from time to time I have to take the cordless phone and pass the phone to him when the phone call is for him, but I mean I cant talk to him while he is on the phone of course or stay there until he finishes the conversation, that is totally unappropriate. But I do want to get to know him better, treat him as a friend first, I know is soon because I just started this job and I hardly know him, but as the times goes by I want to try and know him better but I dont know how to get him to notice me, I mean that at least he gets interest in talking with me when we run into each other at work.

So far we have chatted briefly just work related things but very briefly, I dont carry a conversation with him

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Thu, 12-22-2005 - 11:12am
Agreed.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2005
Thu, 12-22-2005 - 12:05pm
I told the original poster that it is best she lets the guy at work pursue her..if he is interested ,he will..as for the mentioning that guys was sex,that is why men pursue woman..what will make a man hesitate to after a woman he finds attractive and sexy?why do women feel the need to pursue a guy or ask on the boards what to do if they like a man?do nothing!If he is not doing anything...then leave him alone..if ladies do not want to listen...then go ahead and pursue..sure he will sleep with a woman regardless,but it does mean he will want her afterwards..guys will do the chasing..we will do the waiting...actually i do not sit around and wait...Hang out at a bar for some time men will approach,I hve had guys come up to me out of nowhere!they will notice you and pursue you..trust me on this one.Best not to puruse..you will get your heart broken more that way.
I do not understand why everyone flips out at everything I say...if some of you ladies want to wait until there is gold on your finger or keep a guy waiting 5 mos,then that is fine..where do you find these patient men?My ex was a virgin,and he was more interested in being with his guy friends and drink..so needless to say,I don`t think he was normal.No more virgins for me.I should have stayed hell away when he confided he was a virgin..i was not very happy with it.My guy friends tell me I am cute and flirt with me..and joke around and suggest hanging out..but that does NOT mean they want me..they are just playing around..guy at my job flirts and suggested hanging out..yes I am sure he just wants to have sex..but it does not mean he ants anything more..he si a good friends,I do NOT pursue after him...why must we make bigger deal out of men?read the book He is just not into You...it means everything.Don`t pursue men.Men may care about other things..but they are most interested in sex with a woman...and WHY in the world would a man NOt pursue a woman?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Thu, 12-22-2005 - 1:45pm

I agree with you so much.
I've had men pursue me. I've had men I was interested in pursue me for the wrong reasons, such as sex only and I've had men pursue me whom I was not interested in.
I've had men flirt with me and "act" interested but it did not necessarily mean they were interested.
So, some women will in fact ask the question, "Is he interested"? Well I can answer interested in what? Yes he may be interested in sex with you but not a relationship.
As I've had a crush whom I wanted a relationship tell me that he wanted only physical contact with me. He found me attractive and he'd flirt and stare and that naively led me to believe he wanted more because I WANTED MORE. When we want someone, we so want them to want us back and I think we sometimes over analyze things and make them more of what they really are.
A man who really wants something generally goes after it. Haven't you ever met a pain in the behind man who never took no for an answer? Even the shy ones know how to be slick and go for theirs. LOL.
I've generally found that when I like someone and I'm being flirty and open, and he's still not asking me out, then there is something wrong.
I've never chased a guy. I have asked out a guy before and have found that he might say yes because I asked him and because he was flattered, but it did not necessarily mean he was interested.
I agree with you that when you make such realistic statements, women will generally get offensive and will not want to hear it basically, but it's the truth. If a man sees a woman he finds sexy and appealing, believe me he'll find a way to go after her. There is no need for a woman to pursue a man.
In fact, I had a female friend of mine who liked a guy at work so badly and she was sure she was getting all the right signals from him but he just was not asking her out. She felt she needed to take matters into her own hands and push him some. But he still was not asking her out and found her pursuit of him rather bothersome and what did he do? He tried to get her fired for sexual harassment. She was shocked and embarrassed. But I think she learned her lesson.
Some women will say that it's old school to sit back and wait for a man to ask you out but I still don't think so. Generally if a woman has to pursue a man, most of the time, the interest wanes very quickly.
Wait, let him puruse. If he doesn't, it's not to be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2005
Thu, 12-22-2005 - 5:28pm
WOW! finally someone who is not being a big baby over what i say!yes men pursue women..yes they flirt but if they are not telling you they want to take you out on a date then they dont care!why do they flirt then?easy they enjoy it..and yes you better believe they are hoping you will have SEX with them..many women want to believe that there are some men,in the huge pile of jerks and what not,that there are guys who want more than sex...can I ask exactly what?what else would they want?LOLif a guy is not going after you,leave him the hell along,end of story..what would keep a guy from asking a woman out?finally someone who sees the realistic side and will not go nuts over what i say..I have been there and done that.If people do not like my posts then don`t read them..i don`t go nuts over your stuff...geez everyone else is oh men don`t just want sex from women...very true..they also want a wife who will cook and do their laundry for them..I forgot that part...yes if you like a guy sure go after him..go right ahead...or better yet wear a shirt that says i am despereate please chase after me..my GOD!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Thu, 12-22-2005 - 5:53pm
<>
_________________________________________________________________________________________
LOL!!!!!!!!!
So true. I just want you to know I agree with you 1,000%!
And it doesn't make us man haters. I think we're just realistic.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2005
Thu, 12-22-2005 - 6:10pm
yes we are very realistic...sad to say..sorry but I tell it like it is...I am not mean..i like guys..i Love sex..but i know having sex will not make a man marry me, anymore than waiting forever to put out..going on a date means NOTHING but a fun night,to me anyway.I know enough that if a guy wants me,he will chase me down...they do when you say no correct??And ys sex sex sex is what men want..tell a guy no and see how much he likes you then...I been through it trust me...I wouldn`t want a guy who was hesitant with sex...LOL....I would be more worried!and if all the other women were so perfect why are they on the boards as well?geez I get hollered..men care about other things than just sex...sure they do,but they are not going to date a woman if she wants to keep him waitng...show a guy you are interested...yes,wear nice clothes,stay fit and wear makeup..you did your job,now it is up to them..it is that simple!men are not hard to figure out..they know what they want...
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2005
Thu, 12-22-2005 - 6:14pm

For example, my ex bf really didnt' want sex that much and no he wasn't gay, he just wasn't a sexual person but he still wanted to be in a relationship with me. Why is it that some men wait months or even years until marriage to have sex with a woman if all men want is sex. Do you really think that a man would waste his time for months and years to wait for sex if that's all he wanted? Another example, my friend is with a man in the coastguard and she was with him for a year before he left for deployment and never had sex with him and he still cares about her greatly and wants her to be his girlfriend and wants a serious thing with her when he gets back. Explain this.

hmm I can`t explain why a man is not that interested in sex,yet you seem to stress that he is not gay..i don`t know what to say about any of this...I guess the men in your area are more nonsexual than in my state...personally I rather be where I am at.LOL.Not everyone wants to wait until marriage..thank GOD!LOL
sorry but men should be the ones pursuing women,...a woman should not do the chasing...I think women get hurt that way...and you can`t tell me or all women men don`t just care about sex.Alot of other women esp ones I know feel same way about men....

send to a friend > print > bookmark > report a violation >

Pages