How can I be less shy and more...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2001
How can I be less shy and more...
2
Fri, 08-17-2007 - 12:44am

approachable to guys? I mean I want to apporach guy in a normal way (not desesperate) but at least to get their attention to me so we can begin a nice conversation?

Today at work a super handsome cute guy came into the office looking for a coworker who was expecting him. Since I work at the company´s front desk I was the one who opened the door and say hello when he first came in looking for my coworker. This guy is my coworker best friend. When my coworker was about to leave the office, of course some hours after his friend came in, he and his friend were going to leave together. While my coworker was a bit delayed lingering at other coworker´s office cubicles for work reasons. His friend waited for him at the front desk, at the reception. Yes at the place I was and I was there at that moment. I wanted to strike up a conversation with him since the guy was alone there waiting for the coworker to come out. But I could not even grasp one word to him, I felt so stupid, that how come I could not even start a brief conversation with the guy. I was there pretending to work, and could not say anything, I was silent almost the whole time he was there waiting, when the coworker joined him again to finally leave, I just say to both of them in order to be polite. "Good bye". I felt so stupid, because I believe this guy was looking at me. There was just one time that some messenger came to the office the same time the cute guy was still waiting and this messenger asked me something about where the accounting department was. I told him that the accounting department moved to another building very close to the one I was, so I gave him the address. The cute guy afterwards asked me: Did the company have other departments in other places?" Of course I replied him that yes. But that was the only words the cute guy exchanged with me. After that again I pretend to work and kept silent and did not strike up any conversation. I mean i did not know what to talk about with a stranger and even more if he was that cute!!

Now I may start to think that might be the reason why men never feel to ask me out ( I have never had a boyfriend before or dated in my life and people do consider and told me Im a pretty girl), im not that agressive like some women are beause I dont feel comofrtable in being that aggressive. I need to do things that I feel comfortable with and behave in a way I feel comfortable with myself. I do have seen ladies strike up a converstion with guys stranger or not, so easily and in minutes that I dont know how they do it.

Im very shy so It is hard for me to really open up with guys because I feel I will talk stupid things and that is a turn off on guys and I wont get their attention beause of a lame or boring conversation and Im not getting any younger.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Fri, 08-17-2007 - 12:50pm

I've had those tongue-tied moments many times - and it's really hard to think of the right thing to say when you are attracted to someone.

In a situation like this, just make simple small talk -- about the weather, the office, the coworker. You don't have to say something profound - just get the ball rolling. Oh, and always make eye contact and smile. If a guy's interested, he'll reciprocate. If not, he'll probably keep the conversation short.

As a former shy person myself, I have found that practicing with non-threatening people in a variety of settings helps boost your confidence and conversation-starting skills. Talk to people in line at the grocery store, or other people who have to wait by the front desk at your office -- men, women, old, young. Eventually, with practice, conversation and relating to people gets easier -- and then you can start working that magic on cute men as well. :)

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2007
Fri, 08-17-2007 - 2:03pm

I thin that "cute guy" was me! lol
Just kidding but that was very intresting for me to read. I wish I knew what both of you looked like so I could get an idea of how I add up to "cute guys".
He definitely made you intimidated/nervous and I as a guy usually think men are intimidated.I wish I had a sister so I could be more famaliar with a female perspective.